He Won't Have Sex with Me…? Confused and Frustrated

L

The first thing I am thinking is that this guy is using sex as a tool over you. Jeez I think some guys are just like women…they withhold sex because they know you want it. Its a bit manipulative. He knows you want it…he also probably knows that once you do it then you may be even more infatuated with him.

I say stop getting into those heavy makeout sessions. Go out instead of home dates…really do things that have no connection to sex. Go bowling, see a movie and take things slow. Your problem right now is actually better than if he was to have sex then leave. Maybe he is not ready who knows if 6 months down he still isn’t sleeping with you then maybe he has a low sex drive…however if you feel that sex is your next level and this is really disappointing then stop seeing him.

Hmm.. Those are good points. I thought that maybe part of it is that he wanted me to be the aggressor.. Considering that when we even do things, he can’t stand ever being on top.

And yes, I want a relationship, but he made it clear that he doesn’t want one. As soon as he said that he only wanted something casual, I figured that meant just sex- which I am fine with because I don’t have feelings for him (ever since he decided to complain about how the guy has to make all the plans and how he doesn’t have enough money for us to be going out all the time and asking me to go dutch on everything- kind of a huge turn off), so I am thinking okay, so we are basically just fwb then right? Because what else would this be considered? But fwb means sex to me…

So okay, I can hold back then.. Which I did today when I saw him (I just sort of let him touch but didn’t give in so as not to get frustrated yet again), but he is always initiating us fooling around, then getting all giggly and saying we should stop. So I did today. Every time he said that today (this happened at least 5 different times during our time together), I just said okay and let it go. I didn’t get mad this time because I wanted to see if it would help with anything. I am fine with us just hanging out, I do actually enjoy his company.. but us just hanging out can never be that- he ALWAYS wants to make out. We went to a movie and spent the whole time making out. We went to the park, same thing. He initiates all of it as well, not me. It is when he always initiates and then doesn’t want to follow through that I get frustrated. Does that make sense? It keeps feeling like he really wants it- because he keeps getting to the point where I can see that he is struggling but then he always says no. He keeps saying he wants it but we can’t yet. He said that it will make sense to me later..

I am keeping my options open, trying to find someone else. But right now, there is no one else. I am on three different dating websites, but those guys don’t follow through. Believe me, if I were to find one that interested me and actually wanted a relationship, then I would be focused on that rather than why this guy won’t sleep with me..

Okay, so what I’m understanding from you all is that I should just back off. I can try and do that. But I am still not understanding his behavior all. I feel like maybe if he actually had a reasonable explanation for this, then that would be fine. But saying he isn’t comfortable enough yet doesn’t make sense. Because why is he fine doing everything else? Also honestly, how would you be feeling if a guy kept getting to that place with you, saying he wants you, undressing you, having his hands everywhere and then continuously saying he can’t do it yet? I think it makes sense that I am frustrated lol.

I suppose I can try asking that we don’t spend as much time at his house. But last time I tried that, he made up all kinds of excuses so I just figured, fine, if all he wants is to have sex (because I assumed that’s why he wanted me there) then okay. But now it’s like he just wants me there so he can touch me and have something to look at and talk to.. I mean, is there anything I can say in response to that? Or a way I can maneuver our interactions so this doesn’t keep being an issue? I’ve tried telling him that I don’t want to get into it if he isn’t going to follow through and then he gets mad and asks why I’m not happy “just spending time with him and enjoying his company”. I DO enjoy his company, but isn’t it a little unfair that he keeps putting me in this place? I have considered breaking it off altogether but I feel like I would just sound manipulative- I don’t want to sound like a guy who only wants sex…I’ve been there and it doesn’t feel good. But again, I’m always used to the guy initiating it all. At this point, it’d be like a guy breaking up with me because I won’t have sex with him if I was always the one initiating it. I wouldn’t be initiating it if I didn’t want it.. This makes absolutely zero sense to me Today I couldn’t even let myself get into any of it. I just like stayed in place and let him do whatever because apparently that’s how he wants it. Seriously though, how the hell are we supposed to act when a guy is acting like he wants it and making us have those kinds of physical reactions but then just decides he’s not into it or whatever? What am I supposed to do, pretend like I am not effected by it all? That doesn’t seem fair.. How do I just pull back and act all feminine again when this is what it’s turned into?

“he said that he “doesn’t catch feelings overnight” and that he isn’t sure what he wants right now but that if I want something serious, he can’t do that right now and so I should date someone else..”

That’s your answer. Read it again. Men say what they mean but we don’t pay attention. It doesn’t matter if you think he wants something else, he doesn’t.

He told you very early on, that he is just not there to have a serious relationship now. And you keep on meeting him, spend your time with him and waiting to have sex and give you more compliments. I don’t think you should waste any time with him. 1. You will be attached to him soon, if this continues. 2. You wrote a very long post, full with doubts and looks like you are think and analyze too much about him! Don’t 3.There is plenty of fish out there! Leave him be and find someone else.

Hmm this man sounds very strange the more you talk about him. Maybe he has performance issues? How often do you see him? Is there any chance he’s in a relationship?

I really don’t know what’s going on but it’s not good for you. Now you’ve described it, I would be frustrated too! Personally, I’d say you don’t want to do anything sexual until it leads to sex because it’s leaving you unsatisfied. Don’t do it if it doesn’t make you feel good!

Ultimately though, he’s not making you happy, he doesn’t want a relationship and this seems like a total waste of your time.

It doesn’t matter why he’s not giving you what you want, only that he isn’t giving you what you want.

You want a relationship. He doesn’t.

You want sex. He’s playing games and not putting out.

So why are you sticking around for this? Date and then save yourself for a man who DOES want a relationship with you. Or if you really can’t wait for sex, find a guy who is actually going to give you sex. And he fell asleep on TOP of you in the middle of making out? There is something very, very wrong with this man, either emotionally/mentally or physically.

Why are you lowering yourself to having to beg for sex from a man when you could go to a bar and have sex with a guy an hour later if that’s really what you want?

It sounds like he has issues.

There is a possibility he likes men, and he is only experimenting with you, hence the giggling and acting weird part you mentioned.

Think about it. He may indeed be gay..

Wow a lot of this sounds like the guy I’ve fallen for we are best friends we have hooked up in the past but very rarely.he keeps a watch on all my friendships and relationships. Now he only shows interest if someone else begins to move in on me. He once sent me a drunken “I hate you text” when I left the bar with my ex. Any guy in the last 2 years that has expressed interest in me has question my friendship with him, not because of my behavior but they can sense my best friends behavior being off. He refuses to have sex with me now but does everything else, I’m pretty sure it’s because his new roommate has expressed having a crush on me and so my best friend wants to claim me. I don’t know what to do because i love him and we have been close for 2 going on 3 years now. How did your situation turn out?

It’s easy to latch on to something when you know what to expect, even if it’s unpleasant. You said yourself you’re having a hard time finding a guy you REALLY want to date, so it’s just easier to continue to hang with this guy and hope he gives you what you want because you know what to expect with him, even if that isn’t really what you want.

I don’t think you need to say much to him other than “I don’t want to see you anymore. We aren’t compatible and you aren’t what I’m looking for.” That’s it. It’s not manipulative, it doesn’t demand some long, drawn out conversation. It’s just the plain old straightforward truth. You don’t want to the same things, obviously, so you can just tell him so and get comfortable with someone else. I’ve also found that when I’m hung up on one person, I find a lot fewer dates, because even though I am not exclusive with that person, they are still taking up space that could be open to someone else. Just foot for thought.

I have the same problem with a guy that I like we fooled around and I always insinuate first he doesn’t and we never end up having sex it’s been 2 years I think it’s been a long time I’ve been waiting but I like to hang around with him I find them very attractive he makes me feel good and I like the fooling around part but I get frustrated because he never wants to have sex I think when you’re making out with somebody you get the person excited you do everything else besides sex I don’t understand please help me give me advice is he gay cuz you have issues is it because he gets nervous problem he have issues he always says he’s tired or that his knee hurts I don’t understand. he wants told me that he knows a guy is gay cuz the way he puts his lips is that considered cuz he said that could it be gay cuz he said that I don’t know it’s just weird and the story of the girl is similar to me but the guy doesn’t insinuate it I do

I was replying to vip, but looks like the post got moved so I’ll copy and paste my response there instead!