Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › He won’t let me drive his car
- This topic has 27 replies and was last updated 3 years, 10 months ago by
Raven.
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Hannah
Ok so, we’re both 27, we’ve been together for about a year now. I know it’s a bit silly thing, but it bothers me quite a lot that he won’t ever let me drive his car. Ok, so he has a really nice sport car. I just bought my first car recently so I understand he won’t let me drive his car right now or any time soon. But he won’t even let me drive it in 10 years, or actually ever. Not once just for 10 seconds. He doesn’t let anyone drive it. I mean, it’s really nice car but still, it’s just a car. It feels a bit like his car might be the most important thing for him. If I had a nice sport car I wouldn’t like other people driving it, but I’d still be willing to let him drive it once or twice. I think he’s being ridiculous and he probably think I’m being ridiculous. Has anyone had this “problem”?
Jan
Your being ridiculous. That’s like asking a woman to allow another woman to borrow her most prized piece of jewelry. If you had a 5 carat diamond and treasured it, it’s yours to do what you want with and that means you can choose not to allow someone else to use it. That’s how he feels about his car.
Jan
Plus you aren’t covered under his car insurance. Are you going to pay for the damage if during that once or twice drive it gets wrecked?
Hannah
Yeah but this is not just a friendship. And if I drive it on an empty parking lot for 10 seconds I doubt I’d crash it. I’m not sure if this is really about allowing me to drive it. But if it’s actually more important than me then we have a problem. Or if he simply doesn’t trust me.. I’m really careful driver and he knows that. I’d never crash it. There’s nothing material I wouldn’t share with him. So it’s really difficult for me to understand why he wouldn’t let me drive it just for 10 seconds I’m 10 years.
Jan
Well then I guess if that’s his worst trait, you can dump him and find a man who will let you drive his car. Why is it so important that you drive it? Even husbands and wives don’t share everything. I don’t ask to wear my husbands watch. we Sleep in the same bed but he prefers to have his own bathroom. I don’t get upset because he won’t share a bathroom with me. I use the master bed bath and he has the guest bath for his own things and space to shower, clean up etc.
Grow up hun.
Kate
While I can certainly see where you’re coming from and that this seems annoying, it is his new car. Even the most careful of drivers can have accidents. Now, if all you want to do is drive it in an empty parking lot, I don’t see why he’d have a problem with that.
On the other hand, I’m sure the novelty will wear off soon, and that should end the problem. Personally, I wouldn’t make this into a huge deal.
Hannah
Oh, it’s not actually a new car. He has had it for some time now. And I definitely understand that he won’t let me drive it now. But when I have more experience, and an empty parking lot.. I wonder what else he won’t let me do…
Jan
You aren’t very mature for a 27 year old. You have been with him a year. What do you mean what else won’t he let you do? Why is it all about you? Love is selfless. It’s his car. Not yours. What is so exciting about driving a car in an empty parking lot? Are you really that into cars or are you just out to prove a point that he must give you everything you want without any regard for what he wants? This is something a five year old would get upset about and pout.
Hannah
Jan, thank you for your opinion but I didn’t really ask people to judge me. Just wanted to know if anyone has had this problem before so would be nice to know what happened next. He just seems quite inflexible to me.. I’m a very generous person and the most important thing to me in this life is people. Not material. Maybe he is more materialistic than me..
Raven
You’ll always have a driver @ your disposal!
Does he @ least open the doors for you to get in?
Hannah
Raven, haha I guess that’s true. No.. but when I get out of the car he makes sure I don’t scratch it haha.
Lori
Yes, this happened to me. And not just with cars. But I don’t take it personally. Some things are just off limits, I guess. And you call that giving respect. Don’t you have boundaries too? And would you rather have a boyfriend that is understanding and respectful of your boundaries? It is not a case of him loving the car more than you. Generally, men love their cars and they love their women too, but it’s a different thing. There’s really no reason to feel offended, unless he makes you feel insecure about his love for you in other ways too…
Hannah
Lori, ok thanks. Well I really don’t own anything that he’s not allowed to touch. I don’t know, maybe it’s because when I was little my parents told me often that I wasn’t allowed to do something because I wasn’t old enough to do it or understand it (my parents were extremely strict and it’s easier to tell what I was allowed to do). So maybe because of that this feels really annoying. And I have a feeling he has said these things that I’m not allowed to do before too but I just can’t remember them.. also, he owns his house and wants me to move in there soon.. and I think it also makes me think about all this. It’s going to be his house, and his furniture and his everything. I don’t know how to make it a home, especially if there are more things I’m not allowed to do or touch. So it’s probably not just about his car, but this car thing triggered something..
redcurleysue
Men can be possessive of their buggy. In the olden days they felt that way about their horse.
Do not take it personal.
Raven
Talk about these things before You move in!
I’d be more upset about him not opening my car door than not driving it…
Lori
Well, in this case, your expectations don’t match up. That can be an issue further down the line, so it might be a good idea to communicate this before you move in together and then find out it was a mistake. If he tends to be obsessive-compulsive or possessive about things, and you are a naturally carefree and giving person, then I see a mismatch.
Emma
Let him have his car! I refused to drive my HB’s car when we dated. Because I was afraid to scratch it!! LOL I know the type of emotions that would cause a man to experience, so I absolutely was not going to risk those emotions directed at me. haha
But if you are concerned that the car might only be one of things you are “not allowed” to do or touch, then it is a different story. You have opportunities to observe him at his house don’t you? Do you stay overnight? If he is the boss man type of a guy then of course when to umove in, you might feel like a tenant or a guest.
It is always better to buy a house together. But if it is not possible, then make him ask you to move it and get his word on not “disallowing” you to do things. If you damage the furnity by accident, this should be accepted.
If he is a nice guy and you love him, you can work on things like that. Simply don’t retreat and sulk, insist on your “right”. LOL And in time you’d reach balance. Hopefully.
Anne
Some people love things more than people. My ex was the same way about the cars. he once got in a fight at a party because one of the guests leaned against the car. She was wearing soft cotton pants, he was afraid she would scratch it.
He got in a fight with her boyfriend. He loves things more than people.
anon
So my when my dad was dating my mom, he let her borrow his prized TBird convertible. Which my mom promptly wrecked. The ended up married and were together until my dad died 2 years ago. My mom followed him a year later. My dad loved, adored, cherished my mom like nothing else. They had the kind of love we should all hope for. My mom also never drove one of my dad’s cars again. He wouldn’t let her.
So bottom line, yes, men are protective of cars and may not want you to drive their car….
kaye
I think you are being ridiculous about the car thing personally. It’s not like he let’s anyone else drive it and it’s just you he doesn’t trust. And now it seems you’re trying to say he’s a control freak and there are other things you aren’t going to be allowed to do…like maybe rearrange furniture when you move into his house? If he’s inflexible about his car are you saying he’s inflexible about other things too? Do you really think he’s going to have something in his house you aren’t allowed to touch or are you just trying to create issues out of thin air? Maybe the issue is he’s asked you to move in and you’re actually having cold feet and trying to make excuses.
Calvin
I’m currently dealing this issue with my wife. She just got in the car right now and asked to drive it to the nearest Walgreens. Here’s where I got defensive, she decided to rev the motor when my Dad’s 1966 Cobra was inches away from me. First thing I’m assuming is she’s going to ram into my Father’s “Toy”. Then we drive over there and I told her that made me uncomfortable. She disregards my discomfort with the phrase “It was just a joke”. I told her she can’t use it because this car, Flash, our “Child” (Camaro 2012 SS)
Was not to be used by her.I would let her use my car in an emergency situation. I also would let my family member drive it because that’s where I lay my trust. Yes I’ve been dating and engaged etc. since August 26th 2017.
This is why I drew the line. She treats going behind my car’s steering wheel too lightly. This car in a man’s prospective is the extension of who you are. The way your car looks when customized to your liking describes YOU.
This rule applies to any car enthusiast out there. He’s not going to let you drive his car because a sports car that you grow attach to is your pride and joy. It’s fitted to you whenever you sit in it. There’s a certain intimacy from man to car and car to man that is so unique. A bond…hope this helps in some way.
Also my recommendation if you wanna get a taste of what it’s like to be behind his hot rod, show him you respect that car and that you can show that you understand the itmacy between his car. Then he will open up and let you taste what he feels behind the wheel.
Start off by learning differences between V4,6,8,12,&16
tammy
what I think is imp here is whether he is just as possessive about all his other things? if that’s the case then you may need to think things through. is he a good bf otherwise? is he ok spending money on you? taking you out? doing the small things? thoughtful things? is he caring enough?
if its just the car then don’t make an issue about it.
Nellie
To some people “it’s just a car”, to some people it’s not.
My car isn’t some expensive fancy one, but still a property I bought with my hard-earned cash.
So Anne, your ex wasn’t being unreasonable. I don’t understand why some people are so shameless that they think they can lean on someone’s property without consent.
It’s not “just a car”.
Raven
What is the point trolling a year old thread?!
Smith
Its not an easy to fulfill the GF’s requirements. Anyways, skip them, i have a plan to buy a new car. The Japanese company Toyota is not even planning to develop its electric cars. At a recent event in Los Angeles, the guys from the company Electrify America, which owns and operates a network of charging electric vehicles in the United States showed a slide, according to which in 2021 Toyota EV will be shown. It’s no secret that the Japanese Toyota carzaamin(.)com/blog/japanese-used-cars-for-sale-in-pakistan/ and Panasonic are creating a joint venture to develop and manufacture high-capacity batteries. Toyota will own 51% of the shares. After creating a joint venture, control of the five existing plants Panasonic will be transferred to the new company. Thanks for sharing the nice piece of stuff with us.
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