Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › He won't open up.. confusing
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Marie.
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Marie
I matched with this guy on bumble a couple of months ago and forgot to reach out to him after he sent me a message. He added me on instagram and i never thought anything of it. Fast forward to now, he likes one of my pictures and i couldn’t place where i knew him, so of course i asked. He said i posted my instagram name so he added me. Anyway, we message back and forth a couple of days and he finally asks me for my number and we schedule a date. The date went well! It was about 4 hours long and he kissed me at the end. A week goes by and we finally hangout again, things seemed indifferent. He wasn’t as talkative as the first date. I asked him what was different and he stated…”i was a little high and drunk our first time hanging out..” hmm wow okay.
Two days later we go on date number 3 and things got heavy as in making out.
I did tell him on date number 3 that he was very guarded and I’m trying to get to know him better. He said all things take time, which i get but i shouldn’t have to probe to get basic facts about someone. He said that he has a lot on his mind but I’m confused as to if he even likes me.I just need advice as to if i should leave him alone and let him figure his life out or what.
Liz Lemon
What do you mean by “open up”? Three dates is still very early, it takes time to develop intimacy and closeness and open up to a person. So you can’t expect someone to tell you their entire life story by the 3rd date. At least, not an emotionally healthy person (some people dump all their personal life out on the 1st date, that’s a red flag).
But, if he is hard to talk to, and won’t make basic conversation, that’s a bad sign. After 3 dates you should have a sense as to whether you are compatible and comfortable with this person or not. You’re still in the early stages of getting to know each other, but there should be a degree of ease and comfort when talking to the person, if they’re right for you. It sounds like you and this guy are not a match. You shouldn’t have to struggle to get basic conversation out of a guy (assuming you are not expecting deeply personal conversations/confessions this early on).
Marie
On the first date he blurted out very personal information like he was divorced and then talked about some of his past relationships. The second date i was like “your not as talkative as you were the first time we hangout.” he responds with “yeah i was a little high and had a couple of drinks before this.”
He does text or message me on snapchat everyday saying good morning. But if i don’t text he will say I’ve been “quiet today.”When we are together the conversation flows easily. I just feel like maybe he’s afraid to open up to a new person / relationship. I told him i was trying and if he wanted to hangout again he would have to initiate the date.
Ewa
Oh so it was you initiating the dates then ? If so then he might not be as keen to see you as you are .
Also I am not sure about men but if someone said to me you’re not so talkative I would never see this person again because some people just aren’t by nature… or simply not interested in you. If you want a guy to open up and talk non stop then he is not your manMarie
He initiated the first and then i did the next two.. Dumb on my part i know. I just really liked him. But i never reach out first with texting. He asked if i liked six flags and bowling but nothing came of it.. I think ill just give him space and see if he asks me out again. I know i already messed up :(
Ewa
Well if he didn’t initiate the other 2 dates then sorry but he is not interested. I guess he agreed to them maybe hoping he’d get sex and maybe didn’t feel like saying no .I wouldn’t look at the fact that he initiate texting, if he doesn’t want to see you , texts mean nothing
I remember I got messages from guys who I’ve never even met in real life saying good morning good night everyday and never wanted to meet me really .
I would just stop replying to his textsTallspicy
Red flag: men who smoke and drink before a date. Waving waving huge red flag. Stop trying to make this happen.
Marie
Yeah you guys are right. its so hard to meet good people these days.. ugh. back to the drawing board.
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