HELP (a lot to read)


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  • #776009 Reply
    J

    Okay so I love my boyfriend with all of my heart and we’ve been together for about a year and a half. I left him for someone else (the same person) because he wasn’t treating me right and I thought that if I was with someone else I would eventually love that person the way I loved my boyfriend but being with anyone but him just doesn’t work for me. I can’t imagine being without him or being with anyone else but him. However he’s extremely impatient with me, he gets angry easily with me, and he blames me for any and every problem we have in our relationship. He talks down to me like a dog when he’s upset or inconvenienced too. He has told me at least ten times that he is going to stop smoking and he never does. He spends at least one third to one half of his money on weed. He also sits around and plays video games. He tells me that he wants to build a future but he puts no effort he doesn’t even try. If it doesn’t just fall into his lap he doesn’t do anything about it. He says he want us to get married and get a house and be happy, and most of the time things are great between us, but his actions don’t match up with his words. I just want us to be happy but I don’t know what to do or how to fix things. He knows what he’s doing wrong and he says he’s trying to fix it and change, the only thing he has changed is that he doesn’t talk down to me as much. I don’t know exactly what advice I’m looking for but at this point really any would be great.

    #776011 Reply
    K

    OK so you know you’re going to be told that this isn’t going anywhere and you need to get out of it, right?

    Treats you poorly, drug addiction, financially irresponsible, no ambition, all talk and no action. This is an unhealthy relationship. Not sure what you mean that otherwise things are “great”. That’s a big bag of crap.

    No one in their right mind would marry that. You should have stayed with the other guy. Don’t know why you’re addicted this man to the point that you believe no one else would ever cut it. You have to be very young.

    You can’t “fix” this because you can’t fix another person and he’s a giant mess. He isn’t going to change any time soon and he isn’t going to change because you want him to.

    #776025 Reply
    Lane

    You are a walking talking co-dependent! This toxic mindset is keeping you stuck in a dead end relationship because you are just as addicted to him as he is with his cigarettes, weed and gaming—he loves those far more than he loves you! You are the mistress, you will always remain *the mistress* as he loves his addictions more than he loves you or he would do everything in his power to stop and change it but intentionally refuses to do so because the loss of that pleasure he receives from it is the same type of pain you feel without him so he’s not going to stop for the same reasons you can’t stop being with him.

    He is not going to change or he would have by now. This relationship has two dysfunctional and toxic addicts who can’t take a step forward and will remain on the hamster until one finally jumps off, ends the cycle, by breaking it off completely and fully. I’m a reformed co-dependent who left a 20+ year marriage over my exes addiction to alcohol and it was the best move I ever made for my life-long sanity! Either stay in the world of insanity where you’re at now, or break free from it and find peace, tranquility and happiness—your life, your choice.

    #776041 Reply
    kaye

    First of all, that wasn’t a lot to read. Obviously you don’t read many posts around here! Second, you can’t get over someone by jumping into a relationship with someone else! You have to work on moving on from the person first and healing over the toxic relationship before you drag some other person into the mix and ping pong back and forth with the other person and hurt them. Let me guess how this works…you break up with him for not treating you right, in a few weeks or months he’s found out you’re with someone else and goes on about how he wants you back and he’ll change all these things you don’t like. You agree, get back together and at first he is doing the things he said, but eventually a week or two in he has slipped back to his old habits and seems to forget what it was like to have lost you. Sound familiar? I know because I’ve been through it for YEARS!

    I had to dump a guy I loved in college because he was always getting high on weed and spending his money on it so I was having to pay for other things like our meals and groceries. And I was a broke college student having to work and earn my own way while he was getting a nice allowance from his parents!! He was getting almost 3 times what I was getting from my parents for living expenses and not having to work! He had no ambition other than to party and get high. Just like your guy if he did talk about the future and marriage and kids he wasn’t making any effort to work towards it. He wasn’t treating me bad or talking down to me, he was just ignoring me to hang out with his friends and get high. Eventually him ignoring me led to me meeting my future husband at one of the parties at his house. He kept hanging around and being nice and paying attention to me and he didn’t do drugs. Plus he was already working a full time job! I finally got smart and dumped the druggie boyfriend!

    This man’s words are empty and you can see by his actions the future you have to look forward to. As with the other commenters I can’t see anything about this man (other than you love him) which would be characteristics I would want in a future partner! It may hurt now to walk away but in the future you will look back on this and realize it was the best decision you ever made!!

    #776043 Reply
    K

    For me, part of loving someone is being able to respect them. I couldn’t respect someone who behaved this way.

    You want to marry a man not a boy. He’s a boy… with a lot of problems. Don’t get knocked up.

    #776048 Reply
    T from NY

    When you continue to love a man who is unavailable to you emotionally — It means you are yourself emotionally unavailable. Please study the website Baggage Reclaim like it’s your bible. Also Ask Polly online. And go to therapy. That’s what I had to do. Make yourself better. You can do it with hard work.

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