Help! BF out for 3 hours

Yes, you are being unreasonable. He is an adult, not your child. He has no way to reach you and people in Spain are friendly. Very easy to accidentally start a conversation, especially at a tapas place. You clearly have different lifestyles and there is either trust or their isn’t… so choose.

Nothing good can come from you being upset at this and stalking his spending.

I suggest you do what you said you would do, which is go to bed. And tmrw say… wow, seems like you were out a while… what happened and did you have fun.

You can be frustrated he stayed out a little longer than he anticipated, which is way different than furious. Especially when drinks are very cheap there.

Questions: how long have you and your bf been dating? Have you traveled together much before?

I don’t think you have anything to worry about, *unless he’s already given you other reasons to worry and not trust him throughout your relationship*, and I hope you got some sleep instead. Spain can be kind of dead until closer to 11p or midnight, because people eat dinner so late and don’t go out until after, so it really isn’t anything to be worried about that he’s out later than he expected. I was once out with some friends and their local family in Spain, and I’m not exaggerating when I say their 6 year old had no problem outlasting me because culturally she was so used to staying out until the wee hours. And I’m even a night person! But I couldn’t keep up there lol.

The bigger issue here might be you two sound like you have very, very different travel styles and vacation expectations. I’ve had some great compatibility traveling with certain people, and hated every minute traveling with other people! Close friends, boyfriends, new friends, how well we knew each other beforehand and how much we liked each other did not predict travel compatibility. I’ve made trips work with good friends with different travel styles or sleep schedules than mine by us sharing accommodations but agreeing in advance about which activities we wanted to do together and which we weren’t interested in, and then we gave ourselves permission to split up during some of time (assuming we were in a safe enough country to go off on our own, which most of Spain is). I know it can sound a little lame or even feel FOMO-y to not spend every minute together when you’re traveling with a significant other, but in certain situations, giving each other some space can really save the entire trip from becoming a gigantic fight.

You can discuss with him that you’re frustrated that he didn’t give you a good expectation for how long he’d be gone, since you’re both in an unfamiliar place. Maybe you can explain that you’d appreciate him taking your phone with him if he goes out another night so that you won’t worry again about him getting stranded somewhere or having an emergency (he may or may not compromise with you on this). But being furious and stressed that he went out and met other people when you preferred to get some rest is an overreaction. Try to communicate about each other’s expectations and what you both want to do on the rest of this holiday, and things should improve from there. Or, you’ll learn that you don’t travel together well, which is a good thing to know.

I agree with the others. You sound insecure and controlling. Likely because you know this a major incompatibilty. Think of this the other way round. Say it was him writing in and complaining/worrying, like this: “on holiday with my GF. She does not want to go out with me in the evening for a drink. She says she is “not a night person” and wants to just hang out/rest at the hotel. I am thinking she is likely back there jumping into bed with some guy she just met. Does this sound like I am being unreasonable?”
Put like that,you can see your over reaction.Also,most guys will get bored shopping. You should have told him to go nearby and have a coffee or beer etc. and you would come when you were done. Waiting for you,is different than you waiting for him in the evening,because you are at the hotel and can sleep,read, watch t.v. etc. This holiday will be your last together if you keep acting and thinking this way! Plus, you could change things up a bit and go out with him a time or two. You will see he is not doing anything too wild,and you may even enjoy yourself.

@Anna, What was the resolve?

If your going for a holiday to a place which has a vibrant nightlife why wldnt you want to experience it? I understand u prefer to sleep erly and rise erly. But this is a holiday. Surely you can relax a bit and let go of the routine for this holiday.

Also dont spend the entire night partying but u can party till 1/2 am? Try to reach some midle ground. U need to be mindful of what your partner wants to experience as well.

In my case, i enjoy partying but i cant spend the entire nite partying. So till 1/2 is fine but post that its a struggle. Try to find a midway so that ur partner dsnt feel left out. Start out early say by 7/8 pm so that you can wind up by 1/2.

If i was in your place i wld hv been a litl concerned. If hes assured me he wld be back by 11 pm and dsnt return by 1/2 am, that wld be a concern. But gettin livid abt it is not going to help i feel. Make an effort to do things that he enjoys as well.