HELP! Confused after meeting up with my ex

Hi Nicole-I say the future is NOW. Either he wants you and wants to work on things to be with you-or he doesn’t. No half-baked in between. No “friends” crap say I . I would be scared too. Let him be. If he contacts you again tell him that since he is not sure what he wants now,you are moving on. He will step up or fade away. Say no to anything less.

Why would you offer him a FWB? this something most women dread, half of the advice on this forum is how to AVOID being caught up in this trap, the pine you handed to him on a silver platter. What were you thinking girl?

You have a strong history together, you broke up and were out of contact for 6 months. if you restart as FWB this will be the END of any potential. You will end up in a mess. 99% of all FWB end in a mess, where a woman gets hurt.

You need to tell him you did not mean that or that you changed your mind. Understand that by being afraid you are only going to shoot yourself in the foot. Afraid that he would walk away now? then how are you going to get him to commit? why would he ever commit if he can’t do it NOW and also has you available to him at his disposal with no obligations?

I am really confused about your reasoning.

The only way for you is to take your life serious and stand your ground. If he loves you he won’t be afraid, he won’t be afraid to work on things and solve the previous issues that led to your breakup. if you love him, you would do the same and you will NOT be able to do FWB.

Stop thinking it is a TV show, it is your life. You won’t get another one. Be true to yourself and act with integrity and dignity. Those cynical FWBs and casual arrangements are dangerous, especially for women. They are beneficial to men who want to sleep around without any obligations, moral or financial. In some rare circumstances is suits women too, but very rarely. If you have feelings for a person you cannot do FWB with this person.

I’d tell your guy to make up his mind on what he feels and wants and then let you know. He needs to ask you. Did he ask to get back together? He needs to ask you, without it, you are getting yourself in a trap that would result in another heartache for you. There is an easier way to lose weight, don’t you think? LOL

Thanks ladies! I appreciate your advice and positive outlooks for me :) I think I am feeling sick because I realise that after all this time a part I do love and care about him still and that only happened after seeing him again BUT i’m also terrified of our relationship failing again but I need him to take the lead right now.

Emma: I don’t want FWB with him, I meant either a platonic friendship or a relationship and no in between. I realise that we were a little physical when we met up but I made sure there was no actual sex element because I told him that makes it messy for us and we deserve better. He didn’t ask me to be his gf again and I said if he was ever ready for that to tell me which he said fine and he did see me in his future.

Peggy: Thank you, I do dread that because he can be inconsistent (in all relationships) so I worry he’ll either just fade off or go and find someone else and I’d hate to see that. During the time we were a part he met someone else for a month and even though he came back to me, it was still awful.

Your feelings for him are not gone, so you cannot be his friend. As friends, you should be happy for each other if you found new love. Can you say you could do that? Support him with his new GF? Could he do that for you? If not, then you are not true friends anyway.

Also if you stay around him will you be able to move on? I bet not. So why would you stick around? Hoping that somehow he will change, see your true value? He will not, especially not if he still gets the benefits of having you around.

Move on. Take more time for yourself. Date others.

I hate to burst your bubble but you cannot be friends with an ex that you have feelings for.

One of two things will happen. You will either start hooking up with him or get back together.

I mean you already made out on the first meeting. Friends don’t make out with each other.

In your post you mentioned having a backbone, well don’t settle for this, you clearly want to get back together.

Anything less than sitting and working things out is a waste of your time.

When you were with him, you felt you had no backbone, you were anxious and lost weight. He’s inconsistent and a terrible partner.

You’ve spent 6 months getting over this and you’re putting yourself through this again?! What a waste of 6 months unless you stop right now.

He was a terrible boyfriend. He’ll make a terrible friend (see above how he makes you feel).

I bet you can feel all that good work you did for 6 months unravelling right now.

Sometimes people are toxic to our lives. You need to cut them out. It’s the only way.

Thanks for all of your comments,i’m going to keep reading them until it sinks in how much he has to lose too. In the time we were a part, I realised I was such a good catch and he let that go so its been really helpful to be reminded of what I deserve again! Thats why I felt strong enough to meet up but I wasn’t ready for all of those feelings to come back. In the 6 months, I have dated but only one guy has stood out and that was a relationship that didn’t really have longevity so I think seeing this ex makes me think he’s so great again :( I will however see through his actions and how he respects me or not so thank you for reminding me of that :)

@Tina: You’re right, I couldn’t see him with another girl. Yes, I could accept it but no, I’d rather he have no one or me lol.

@Miss A: I wouldn’t say he treated me badly, he’s not a toxic person but in a nutshell, he just had such inconsistent behaviour and isn’t the greatest communicator. For the first few months he was amazing, we became exclusive, I met everyone important in his life and then he changed and I was the one constantly being the support but when I needed him, he was only ever half there. He never cheated or anything but would forget dates planned and would become avoidant. He does also suffer from what I think is a bit of depression and while I accepted that, I would become anxious because thats not how you should treat your girlfriend.

I know thats a strong indicator and the other night he asked me if a situation he had going on would make me hesitant to be with him and i said not really and that there were other areas of our relationship that would make me hesitant again lol

@Khadija: Thank you! I do want to show him I have a backbone. I feel like he’s mostly in control and thats not fair either so thanks :)

@Kaye: Thank you, yeah i think i am disappointed because it took me 4 of those 6 months to not miss him anymore and I really started to like someone else but now I feel shut off again from dating because it seems too scary. I won’t contact him and see what happens

@Hannah: Thank you- I was worried that everything i’ve done in the past 6 months was lost but maybe it isn’t. I know, I have to be stronger than him now, i felt strong to meet him and now I feel worse than ever which means we can’t see each other for some time

@Phillygirl:Thanks- I know you’re right, for some reason I can never let him go. It’s been almost 2 years of our back and forth. You are right about respect though, he will show it in his actions, if we are friends then he won’t push anything more and be good to me. I guess ill just have to keep moving and see if he does that :(