Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › Help…fiance doesn\'t understand proper Etiquette
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Ss.
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Anon
So I’m wondering if its just that I was raised with extreme proper etiquette which makes me overboard. So my fiancé and I are driving to Arizona form Cali today because he wants to look at an investment property. He asked whether I wanted to come or not. I said because of COVID-19 I wouldn’t feel comfortable staying at his parents house. He agreed to staying in a hotel. Then I told him I was going to wash my clothes. He says, you can wash them at my parents house if you like. I said, no its fine I’ll just wash them here. He had a strange expression. I later told him, the reason behind it is I think it would be rude to bring my dirty clothes to his parents house to wash and go. His response was, “Oh, okay. That’s your viewpoint”. I then responded, that would be like you coming to my parents to wash your clothes. I just don’t understand why he doesn’t get this type of stuff and he feels I’m weird for thinking this way…
Newbie
I think laundry needs to washed in a river but then i was raised by wolverines
Newbie
I had a strange expression on my face while i typed that like i was going to kill the neighbours baby parrot. Am i weird?
Paige
LOL! Thanks, Newbie! I needed that laugh!
Newbie
Lol i was hoping someone would. It must be full moon
Anon
That’s funny…lol. But seriously, I’m curious what others think.
Tallspicy
Truth time, you are being rigid and rediculous. You are not weird, just different, but long term many men don’t like women who have so many rules about stuff like this. It makes you seem cold and valuing things that are unimportant (to many men).
Tallspicy
Especially during a pandemic.
mell
There’s no right answer.
He probably thought that since you’re engaged (i.e. basically family) popping to his parents’ wouldn’t be a big deal – because you’re family. He probably feels you know his parents well enough to feel at home. And perhaps he just doesn’t realise you odn’t feel quite at home as he does, because they aren’t your parents.
You feel it’d be weird because you may not know them that well, and you don’t just want to use their washing machine. And you probably don’t want to give them covid. He should be able to accept that if you feel uncomfortable going so you can be polite, it’s better not to go. But try to make it clear you’re not actually just rejecting his parents.
Relationships are full of realising that you were raised slghtly differently. You’re about to be married – life will be full of these moments! You’re going to be making a lot of life decisions with someone who wasn’t raised with you and probably wasn’t raised exactly like you.
But really, the actual argument here is minor. It doesn’t matter if you go, or not.
mell
And by the way, the title of the post is telling.
This isn’t about understanding “proper etiquette”.
There’s no rule written down that says you can’t borrow something from your soon-to-be-in-laws and ask them to help you. I mean, its not like farting in church or sleeping with your sister-in-law or bringing up your brother’s ex when he brings a new GF round. What he suggested might personally not be something that makes you feel comfortable, but it’s not widely frowned upon.
Try not to see this as a case of “I’m right and he’s wrong” – you just have different opinions, about something that really doesn’t matter, especially in a pandemic with hundreds of thousands of people dying.
Raven
I think you’re looking for things to pick at…
Ss
It’s not really an issue of etiquette. I was expecting to read that your bf embarrassed you because he didn’t know what cutlery to use for which course at dinner!
I get why you wouldn’t want to bring dirty laundry to his parents home and i can’t quite work out why your bf suggested you could when you are at home and presumably putting a load of washing isn’t urgent and isn’t going to take all day?!
Also, I’d say at hotel room is much riskier than his parents place- loads more people have been in the room and there are lots if public spaces where people would have touched things – doors, lift buttons etc
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