Help Getting Over Him

i dont really understand why so many people vanish after a fair amount of time spend with each other. What is so hard about saying: i dont see this working out for me. Its the normal thing to do. So i do understand your frustration. Me i would give a person like that an earful. I wouldnt care how that makes me look. I want him to know he is not classy.
But in your case its over a month already. I would delete his number as a final step. No point in keeping it. Take care.

Also, I’d love to find a new guy to get over him but that’s easier said than done. It takes a lot for me to like someone and it took a long time for me just to get to that point with this guy.

I mean sure, I could go get a new guy easy if I wanted to. But I need sincere connection and that’s much harder to find. Otherwise I’m just going to be thinking of him while I’m with a guy I’m not really that into which isn’t good.

Yea your view makes sense.

I guess for me, I just feel like he doesn’t really owe me anything when he’s not my boyfriend and we’re not exclusive. I don’t get upset when my friends go MIA because I know life can be hectic. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt.

Still, I also know when someone isn’t putting forth the effort and when I need to start letting go. He did mention he had some family stuff going on and he’d been dealing with that. I have no idea if that’s true or not but even so, it’s exactly why I don’t confront them on disappearing because you just never know.

Anyway, here’s what happened… He said he missed me and asked how I was doing. I responded with “Miss you too” (which is so hard for me to admit to guys btw) and told him I was doing well and that I’m getting settled with my new job. Then I asked how he was and he told me about the family thing.

Here is my exact response, “I’m so so sorry to hear that, I know that’s probably really hard. Wish I could hug you” and he said “awww, that would be so wonderful, it would”. I then said “let me know if you need anything” with a blushy emoji and then that was it.

This was all on Saturday and haven’t heard from him since. So yea even if he his going through some family stuff, I know I need to let go because it may not be a good time for him and I don’t want to keep hoping and waiting.

I made it known I’m here for him and it’s all I can do. Now it’s time to let go and if it’s meant to be it will be.

Thanks Tinkerbella, yea maybe it’s not the last I’ll hear from him but I’m definitely going to start the process of trying to get over him.

There isn’t much else I can do but start to let go. I realize men are bad at multitasking but I also don’t enjoy being in limbo with someone so I’d rather just zero them out.

I don’t fall often and I absolutely was starting to with him. I just want to protect my heart and until he makes a major recovery I need to get over him.

Besides, what would I even say to him at this point once he does reach back out? I’m hurt that things halted and I don’t want him to think he can just reappear in my life.

Hi Anon,
haha no, I don’t even think I’ve ever met a medical resident? Must be a different Alice.

This gentlemen and I have been seeing each other a while now but it started in Feb (so before Covid hit).

He’s in the technical field and we have absolutely met and spent time together haha

That’s so random there is another Alice, maybe I should change my name?

T from NY, I completely agree with you that it’s time to let him go. That’s why I posted for suggestions on how to do that (along with what I’m already doing).

It is painful, you’re right about that and I’m so sorry you are going through the same thing. I actually have a lot of male friends and many of them have told me how stupid they were one time or another and let a great woman go for ridiculous reasons (most of them being bad timing) and how they wish they could take it back because those women were the ones that got away.

I believe your male friend is right too. The recipe is simple for men, they have to feel it with you and it has to be good timing essentially. I don’t fault men for thinking this way, it’s just unfortunate for us women who can really see potential there and we don’t even get a fair shot.

Still, I like you will NOT text or reach out to him. It’s not my style to chase a man. I don’t even think telling him “this is ending” is needed because nothing is even going on at the moment. So I’m just going to leave be and allow it to naturally fizzle out.

I know he feels great around me, I’m not even being hard on myself about that part. I 100% know it’s not me. I honestly thing it’s the 2nd part, that the timing in his life is off. He’s really focused on his career goals right now and with the family stuff also happening now, it’s just not a good time. He hasn’t said it specifically but I can feel that’s what’s pulling him back. Sucks, but that’s the way it goes.

Do you have any suggestions for me as to what to say if he reaches out again? Should I hold him accountable? Like say something like, “I haven’t heard from you in a while, Not really looking for something that’s not authentic” or is that not a good way to put it?

What have you been doing to keep busy in this pandemic? I need all the help I can get to not think about him since I’m pretty much accepting it’s over and need to let go.

T from NY, wow. Just wow. THANK YOU for putting into words what I was going to struggle with when he does reach out to me (I know he will). I want to be honest without being a witch all at once. I was to have my standard without being angry or hostile. You put it into words for me!

I’m taking a photo on my phone of what you wrote. I don’t want to forget it.

I too want someone who fights for me, shares in my desire for them and doesn’t see me as easily being able to let go. This guy was truly a sweet soul, the most sincere heart I’ve ever met, but he’s just not where I am. I don’t fault him for it, see it more as a tragedy to be honest.

I miss our talks, our sharing of music, our like mindedness of emotional intelligence. Still, even I know when someone isn’t investing it’s not healthy to hold on. I’m going to let him go and keep pushing myself through this thing called life.

I’ve been reading a lot too, going for long walks, thinking of my Dad and what he would tell me if he were here and not passed on. It makes me strong, to know this guy is truly missing out on a beautiful thing. I’m loyal, successful, easy on the eyes (as all the guys I’ve dated have told me), but more importantly I’m real. I give everything when I love someone.

It’s so tragic he’s never going to know that from me. Maybe he’s afraid, maybe he’s not ready, but it’s still tragic. I hope he realizes someday even after I’m long gone, that I was true in my interactions and feelings with him. I meant every word.

So painful, he really was mesmerizing. Back to the drawing board, and on with life I go.

Thank you again, you said what I need to say perfecting when he reaches back out. I’ll keep you updated for when that happens.