Help give me an outsiders perspective. Is there still hope for my relationship?

I think you should take what he said at face value. Women have a tendency to say X hoping that a man will reply with Y. But men are generally more straightforward.

And you can’t say something to a man with a secret agenda and expect him to read your mind and give you the answer you want. “I didn’t at any point ask for him back but I think the way I worded it made it clear that I’m becoming a different person and if he’s ready for a relationship with me then I’m on that page too.” You think you worded it clear but trust me, if you did not say it outright then it’s likely he did not pick up on it. With guys you have to say what you mean.

You emailed him to thank him for breaking up and saying you understood the reason for the breakup, but when he wrote his very nice reply, you are “heartbroken because he didn’t tell me he loved me like I guess I hoped.” What response were you expecting?

It sounds to me like he is relieved that things are fine between the two of you and he values your friendship. There’s nothing in his reply that makes me think he wants to get back together, personally. I don’t think he’s “trying to figure out what he wants and where he’s at”. He sounds totally fine with the situation. I agree with Anon that if he wanted to reignite things between the two of you, he would do so– it sounds like he has plenty of opportunity, since you hang out in the same social circle, and yet he has not done it. It’s because he doesn’t want to.

Maybe it would be healthy for you to take some distance and not see him so much, since you are obviously still so affected by this relationship. You are still clinging to it. It might be good to take a break from hanging out with him so you can focus on yourself and move on.

The other option I see is that you lay your cards on the table and tell him how you feel. To be totally honest, I don’t think that will go anywhere because it honestly seems like he is not interested in anything romantic with you. But it would be better to do that than to drive yourself crazy. If he tells you with his own words that he does not want to get back together with you, it will (hopefully) help you move on.

Some parts of your letters sound rehearsed. For instance, are you really thankfull for the break up? And are you really the person you are today because of him?
I think what you did was write a rapport letter hoping he would change his mind. There is nothing wrong with that but i realized myself a few years ago that writing down truths takes some time peeling off to get them. The layers you have to peel off are the ego, the manipulaitive and the saving face ones. Lets say for instance you were not happy with the break up, but once it happened you learned to stand on your own two feet again and also gained some perspective on who you were and acted in this relationship. And now few months later you are better but still wondering if there is a change to try again.
Im not saying what i wrote is the truth but sure you can see the difference. If you wanted to communicate you are better and want to try again (im not saying to say this literally) you said the exact opposite: in happy we broke up. So really dig deep what is true. Because it can come out wrong when its an attempt to write for another reason. Thats what we women do, men dont.
So now you have a situation where your ex thinks you thanked him for the break up and are a person that couldnt develop on her own. You can try to go for the real truth in the coffee date he suggested

Oh, that should be said in person. Not emails or texts.

The problem with sending an email like that is you are operating with a hidden agenda and are apt to say things that aren’t true so you end up sticking your foot in your mouth such as “I’m glad for the breakup….” When you are being dishonest or deceitful then you haven’t changed or grown like you stated you have but are, most likely, repeating one or more patterns that caused the relationship to dissolve.

You were not being clear or honest with him. If he has seen you many times in the past 9 months he doesn’t need an email from you telling him what he already knows. Sounds like he’s reached the point of “indifference”—he doesn’t hate you but doesn’t love you either. Sure their may be a smidgeon of love left but its not enough to compel him to attempt any form of reconciliation with you again.

You are firmly planted in the “friend zone.” That’s where he put you because he remembers how the relationship with you went down and doesn’t want to go down that road with you again. Un most cases one time’s enough (one and done) where “do overs” have an abysmal success rate, less than 20% because the same issues/problems have a nasty way of coming back—wash, rinse, repeat.

He will want to start fresh with someone new. Someone he can develop positive memories with when *he’s ready* to go down that road again. If I were you I would do the same by closing that door, keep working on yourself as we always have some work to do; and start off with a clean and fresh slate with someone new too.