help. I.was clingy and needy is.it too late

I’m sorry this is happening to you. I recall that exact line you texted him from Lauren Gray’s blog.

Don’t contact him. Let him come to you. If you really mean that you are sorry for acting needy, prove if with your actions. Men believe actions, not words. Right now you are still a mess. You are still needy. If you reach out again, you lose your credibility and it will just annoy him further.

Read that article from Lauren’s blog again until it sinks in. Do NOT contact him again.

Do not wait for his return either. He may or may not come back.

Fill your life with happy things until that desire to reach out fizzles out. Treat this as time to pamper yourself. Focus on YOU. You can do it.

Sadly, what is done is done. He might be gone for good, but he might just be busy. Just leave him alone, in fact, erase his number so you are not tempted to reach out.

Tons of learnings here:
A. When a man tells you he is busy, that is not the time to dig in for reasurance
B. NEVER EVER MULTIPLE TEXT. One text, one responce
C. When a man is busy, is not time to get cfmation of the next date (a form of reassurance)
D. These conversations should be by phone, not text

I actually think the last text was good. You owned your behavior, I just hope it was enough.

Be extra nice to yourself and remember, the world does not take away things that were supposed to be yours. Hugs!

Thanks for your advice. I totally agree with your comments. Hinsight wish I had seen this site before I sent more messages. I was clingy as can’t remember what I said drunk. I didn’t tell him I loved him said I liked him he tole me in the morning. This happened a week ago and as for John advice I waited a week then sent an update asking his advice about something I wanted to buy and best place he got it from. He didn’t reply and then came over really clingy and needy again and sent I know this dating thing with us didn’t work out but think we could be friends as we had a laugh. So I’ve totally messed up and think now it’s totally over. Thought please ? Xx

Bella, please read all the advice given to you until they sink in. As hard as it may be, there’s nothing you can do now but focus on you. This guy may or may not come back.

You’re wasting plenty of energy and time wondering if you ruined it. I hope you learn from this experience and make sure not to repeat this in the future.

Also, you can’t be friends with someone you have feelings for. It never works.

Thanks guys I have read you advice and have taken it in. I have deleted him number and will learn from my mistakes next time. The mad thing is he sent more then 1 message if I dint reply things like you alive yiu ok? And one after another. I just need to get used to that guys are allowed to do it we are not. Men r from Mars women from Venus xx

If he texted you like that…that’s kind of disrespectful, actually, think about that. Now do you really want to date somebody like that?

He has texted just the once in between. I would normally never do this and reading yiu advice I know I sound like a bunny boiler. It was cause I was so drunk and think I was talking about my ex. If I hadn’t been drunk I would have counted let him doing the chasing which I normaaly do. This is a new thing for me.

Hi Bell.

The problem here is you SHIFTED the dynamic! Men are the pursuers (hunters) and he was pursuing you hard, you are the PRIZE and as long as you were sitting on your perch watching him carefully to decide if YOU would CHOSE HIM when he either asks you to be his GF or drops the “I love you” bomb. Thing is he hadn’t done that yet, he still was on the fence as to whether he was falling in love, or trying to determine if it was just lust or infatuation. Men actually NEED SPACE to determine if they MISS YOU ENOUGH or not, where if they DON’T then its not love, but one of those temporary feelings.

You blew it sadly. If you had just held back you would have given him the opportunity to miss you or not—he either would have re-scheduled another date (missed you enough) or faded (not missed you enough), which would have been a CLEAR SIGN of his interest level. This is why you need to be emotionally restrained during the early dating process and use your rational side to ASSESS him as A MAN to make sure he’s even someone you would consider as a potential long-term mate. This is when you should be carefully LISTENING to what he says, and then WATCHING him to determine if he’s “a good man”—he does what he says he will do on a consistent and regular basis in order to determine if he’s honest, trustworthy, loyal, and a man of good character.

Thanks for the advice, your right it’s the fact he hasn’t replied .m I know his silence means he’s not intrestedits the the being ignored which gets me angry I would rather be told sorry but I’m not intrested. I would have said thanks for being honest. My downfall is I hate being ignored. However I have texted way too much yiu wouldn’t text s friend so much so I should have not texted him so much. Xx

It’s good that you recognize that being ignored gets you angry. So that’s a good moment to reflect and think: Why? Why being ignored makes you angry and what are the other reactions you could have that would shift those feelings to something like, indifference or happy anticipation. What would have to happen in your personal life and your opinion of yourself in order to react differently?

Hi Bella,

The best thing to do when someone’s ignoring you is to ignore them back :-)

When someone ignores you they are exercising their power. They are establishing a hierarchy whether they realize it or not. Some people are blissfully unaware and unassuming and others do it with a purpose in mind. This purpose may be to prove something to you. How you react to what’s given to you in any relationship, be it work or love or family will determine how that relationship develops and changes. It is within all of us to react in a such a way that is positive for us, for our well being. Once we master that, we are a force.