Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › He’s back wanting friendship again?
- This topic has 9 replies and was last updated 5 years, 2 months ago by
tammy.
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Jessie
I was with him for three years. We split up, then remained friends. We did lots together during that time of some six months. We both got new parters and he pulled the friendship right back. I was hurt by this and yes I guess I found it hard enough to see him with someone else, even though I knew we didn’t have a future. Pride maybe? I had all his attention then didn’t.
Anyway he split with this girl, then got very communicative with me again. We went out a few times and would text daily. He then announced to me he’s back with her. I don’t particularly acknowledge this, and he then tells me it doesn’t seem we can be friends as he’s disappointed I didn’t say it was hood news and acknowledge it. Said he thinks we can’t have the friendship we had hoped if that’s how I’m going to be when he is with someone, like they don’t exist.
So now he’s split with her again. He’s messaged me asking how I am. What should I do? I want to message him and see if he’ll be open to a friendship again. I know you’ll likely advise against it. I can’t help but feel she influenced his cutting things off and I’d like us to be friends again. It’s his birthday in a few days an I thought I’d message him on it. I had blocked him on everything after what he said, but I’ve now unblocked himNewbie
You only have his friendship when he is single. And wen he pulls back when he is in a relatlonship he blames you for it. Its kind of a strange dynamic to me. You also said it hurt you seeing him with someone else (even having a partner yourself? That part is a bit unclear).
Of course its up to you but i feel you are hurting yourself continuing this and maybe its time to cut the coord completely. Maybe in a few years you can be friends again but not now. At least i dont see whats to gain for youAndrea
Why are you putting blame on the girlfriend?? HE is the one making the decisions on your friendship.
Like it or not, people in relationships have less free time, so expect to see and hear from him less. You wouldn’t notice nearly as much if you had enough of your own things going on.
It seems like you are jealous of the new woman.
I agree with him, ignoring his news of getting back together with his girlfriend is rude and grounds for friendship termination. You don’t have to like the news, but being polite is the mature way to handle it.
redcurleysue
If it hurts to see him with someone you are not friends. Stop the madness and walk away. Find a new man.
Shoshannah
I remember you posting about this before. Honestly, with this new information, it seems to me like this cannot be just friendship. Maybe on his part, maybe he can’t fully let go of the past. But first he cuts you off, kind of out the blue, and now he is suddenly back, just because he’s single again. It doesn’t sound like a friendship, more like a boomerang man who’s coming back when he needs some attention. I would be pissed if I were you.
Raven
You’re a Placeholder…
Better off single
If you can be friends when be is single again and you’re okay with cleaning up the mess he gets himself into, just don’t have sex with him and only if you care about him enough to understnd when he gets a new girlfriend he is going to pull back on calling you and meet ups.
Women get suspicious and jealous when there is another woman that is not family in a guy’s life. For example If you’re fat and ugly and she’s fit and pretty, you are less of a threat. If you match in appearance you are more of a threat that’s why he pulls back to avoid potentially sabotaging a relationship with a woman he picked.
If you’d rather not deal with it, just ignore him and see how he likes it.
Jo
OP it seems that he’s using your attention ad an ego a stroke when he needs it. This means a lot more to you than to him as he seems to drop you without any second thought whenever he is in a good place.
I really don’t get the reason women pay attention to thsee men children who think they can come and go as they please without any consequences. He does this to you and your her. What’s sad is that both of you entertain his shenanigans.Khadija
So, you can only be friends with him when he is single. Stop responding to him and leave him in the past.
Real friends maintain a friendship single or not, perhaps your past history won’t ever allow you to be friends.
Not all exes can be friends.
tammy
firstly you don’t think of him as just a friend. but apparently he does. when hes dating others hes ok not staying in touch with you. but when hes single he leans on you. if your just friends than his relationship status should not really affect your friendship. but it does. looking at things from your perspective, its obvious your feelings are more than that of a friend. but this thing with him is never going to go beyond friendship. so why do you want to even stay in touch and let him lean on you till hes single? you just keep opening the door each time to let in hurt. I think you need to take some time off this man. figure just what you feel and want from him and this friendship.
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