Home › Forums › Break Up Advice › He's being nice all of a sudden
- This topic has 6 replies and was last updated 7 years, 9 months ago by
redcurleysue.
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Corinna
My ex and I had somewhat of a messy breakup…we were both pissed at each other and a lot of awful things were said. He told me he would never forgive me for the things I said. We left on bad terms and that was over a month ago. We didn’t speak for about a week and then I wanted to talk to him so I caved and texted him. He texted back right away and was being really nice. We talked back and forth for a little then I stopped replying. We didn’t mention anything about the breakup or fight. Then a few days later he commented on something I posted on social media, and he’s been doing that ever since. If I post a picture or snapchat he either likes it or has something to say about it. He’s being super friendly. And when he found out I was extremely sick he kept texting me asking if I was okay. I’m so confused by his behavior because he was mad at me when we broke up, so why be nice to me now? It’s not that I want him to be mean to me but he said he would never forgive me yet now he’s acting like everything is okay… it hurts because I’m not really over him. It was a stupid fight that we let our emotions get out of control
M
If he ever loved you, then it makes sense that he would still have feelings of care toward you. It’s nice that he cares and is concerned for your wellbeing. Do NOT equate that with him wanting to get back together. It’s easy to get confused and build up a fantasy that he’s missing you, when he’s only being kind because he cares about you as someone he used to love.
Others might disagree, but I’m all about communication. If I was in your shoes, I’d probably tell him I was feeling confused about his kindness. If he wants to work on things, then maybe you two can talk. But if he’s just being a friend because he misses your companionship, you’re probably better off keeping your distance until you really are over him. Otherwise, every nice word he says is going to keep your heart tied to him.
Linda
The best thing you can do is talk to him. Ask him if he wants to work things out. If you don’t you will keep wondering where you stand and it would be a shame if he was just being polite because he is concerned for your well being but not necessarily because he wants to get back with you. If he says he doesn’t or even if he says he is not sure what he wants I think you should stop contacting him. Let him figure things out on his own.
Crisula
Corinna,
This is how I would handle it based on your post.He had some time to clear his head and put some things in perspective.
I would take baby steps regarding communication..like what you’re doing now. Let him take the lead…give him some of the power right now and just go with the flow and not push him to talk
allow him to decide when to discuss what hurt him….first
I know men don’t like to rehash..and they’ll talk about conflicts when they’re good and ready
He’s still hurt..it takes time to forgive…depending on what was said…
you can love somebody…accept their sincere apology, and then the forgiveness and healing begins.A sincere apology: Say your sorry without pointing any fingers..
Taking full responsibility for what YOU said..no excuses…none of these “but I only said that because you said this” or “I’m so sorry, but you did…”I think it’s great that you gave him a week to himself and then made contact.
That must have been so difficult.He sounds like he really loves you
Best of luck
Crisula
I have teen sons…
hurt male egos and squabbles with girlfriends are a nerve wracking weekly occurrence ;)
Crisula
one more thing
I respect the advice of the ladies here..
however,I have a different takeWhen it comes discussing things with guys…we can drive them nuts.
We women talk, talk, talk, to get our emotions out on the table and will until we come to some sort of resolution…no matter how long it takes. Just like on this forum! You would never see the average guy on here talk about how he has been hurt and ask what he can do.
men don’t talk…they work it out in their own head, focus on other things in their life and will talk when THEY are ready to talk…if at all
ok…again..best of luck
redcurleysue
He was angry…he is not angry anymore. That means nothing about getting back together.
When we say things that are truly hurtful it is what a person remembers that they think about us on the bottom level. If it is disrespectful then a man feels disrespected and that cannot be the basis of a good relationship. The real question is do you respect this man? If you only respect him when he agrees with you that is not enough.
So, really think about that…do you really love him or just miss him now?
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