Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › He’s gone
- This topic has 15 replies and was last updated 3 months, 2 weeks ago by
Tammy.
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Maxine
Hi everyone, I’m so confused, feel stupid and just want to share my story.
I have dated a man for 4 months. He initially showed strong enthusiasm—giving compliments, wanting to see you often, and quickly said he deleted Tinder. I started to trust him, had a huge connection with him and felt like I had known him for a long time already. At one point, he said: “We need to take it slow, otherwise, we might miss out on something beautiful.” I asked him what “taking it slow” meant, but “he didn’t know because it felt good as well”. We kept seeing each other for a couple of weeks. After about 1.5 month, he began withdrawing, reducing communication and affection, which led to insecurity on my side. He admitted he was still figuring out what he wanted after a long relationship and suggested it might be better if you stopped seeing each other, though he would be sad if we did. We continued to see each other, but his behavior remained push-pull. Fast forward to three weeks ago: he expressed that he liked me but isn’t in love. However, he would like to keep me in his life as a friend. I told him that I need some distance. He respects this, but also repeated hat he would be sorry if he didn’t see me anymore.
I probably sound like a naive women, but I’m still so confused, hurt and and also a bit angry. Why was there such an enthusiastic start if his feelings were not strong? I was not very much in love, though I really like him and his company a lot. I trusted him. I feel stupid, I really thought we had a great connection, and I wanted to give it time to see where it would go, because we both liked each other’s company and were both not in a hurry. I would be sad if he disappeared from my life, but I also don’t want him to keep me in his life out of pity. I also value my worth and know that I want a man who chooses for me for 100%. I know my story sounds stupid and naïve. I just helps me to write it down
Better off singe
Do not reach out
Do not stalk his social media pages
Go on about your life you will connect with someone who actually wants what you do.You were just fine before you met him, you will be just fine without him
It was only a few monthsIt’s either a hell yes or it’s a hell no
If you must continue to talk to him, let him do all the investing to prove he actually wants you in his life and not just a convenience for his dipstick if you know what I mean.
The hot and cold is a hell no, let go
Mary
Maxine, please do not be confused. You would have nothing to gain and everything to lose by keeping contact. He is just a time waster. He will never be in love with you and if he happened to feel that, it would only come by you walking away.
Maxine
Thank you for your replies. Why did he suggest to be friends? Why did he say he is still figuring out his life after his very long relationship?
Ewa
because he wants his cake …. men are happy to stay friends (just on paper) in case it doesn’t work out with someone else , so he can always rekindle with you. Cut him off.
tammy
why would you want to stay in touch with a man your romantically interested in, with whom you had a brief relationship, and who told you he’s not interested in you? please don’t be confused. he has told you he doesn’t want a relationship with you. that’s your cue to say bye and move on. being friends is all bs. he wants to keep you around just in case. you deserve much more! just tell him it’s alright and sometimes things don’t work out, no worries and wish him all the best. Staying in touch with him will only give you false hopes, hold you back and prevent you from forging other relationships. just block him and don’t look back.
Maxine
Because I really enjoyed my time. And am really curious if we can have a friendship. I don’t feel I would wait for him. I want a man that is into me for 100%…
Tammy
Seems you hv made up ur mind that you want to stay in touch with him regardless of the fact that your still interested in him and hes told you hes not. I think your makin a mistake bec there maybe times when he may get too frndly or say certain things which will make you wonder n hope. Analyse each and every word and drive yourself crazy! I wld still say to cut your losses for the present n move on. Rest your life your choice and you know best whats gud for u and what u can handle. All the best.
Maddie
I did this once. He was hot and cold and then so sad about potentially not seeing me again and insisted we stay friends. I tried to take him up on it because it was very clear to me we weren’t compatible romantically but I enjoyed his company. He never saw me again. Answered a couple texts dismissively, that was it. It was a waste of my time to even try. I found out much later that he started dating the woman he’d really wanted the entire time only a week after we were done romantically.
Do what you’re going to go but try not to waste too much time on this guy. People who are hot and cold aren’t emotionally available to you for whatever reason and that doesn’t change even if you downgrade to exploring just a friendship.
Raven
Being ‘friends’ is a polite kiss off.
Ewa
as women we initially like the idea of being friends but let me tell you, it never works that way. We want to stay friends , hoping it will lead to staying in touch with that person, but men just lie, they keep us around , just in case , like I said earlier. Staying friends with someone you like romantically is only going to hurt you , because sooner or later he is going to find his person and it won’t be you.
Maxine
But what if I do not have expectations?
Maxine
But what if I do not have expectations?
Micaela
If you truly did not have expectations you wouldn’t be on this forum. You would be ok with this playing out however it does. If you are honest with yourself, you are always going to want more and will try to bend yourself backwards, inside out, to make it work. While he keeps his options open and you stroke his ego keeping this friendship. When he wants an ego boost you will be there. And one day, he’ll find someone that he will want to change for, want to have a relationship with, and you’ll be starting at square one, holding your friendship flag. It’s too confusing a space to be if you ever had romantic intentions towards this person. You want someone to reassure you that this makes sense and it will be ok and you can handle it just being a friendship, but you know deep down, it isn’t. He probably does like you in some respect, but for whatever reason that we will never know, not enough to give you what you want.
Ewa
what if you have no expectations ? you do know that you won’t be friends ? you won’t be meeting him, texting him etc, that is just a myth but it is not happening in real life. I can say I am friends with guys who rejected me, but by friends I mean, I would say hello if I saw them in the gym or in town.
Tammy
Well said micaela! And well @ewa. Agree with you as well. Sometimes guys keep you around as an ego masaage or for time pass when they are free. But many times guys simply say lets be friends when they know the woman is intrstd to let her down gently. Either way, you shld not stick around to find out. Move on lady and the fact that you are posting here kibd of gives it away. Let him go snd move on. You dont hv to block him but u dont need to stay in touch either. If he ever gets in touch, sure be frndly and polite. But thats abt it.
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