Home › Forums › Break Up Advice › He’s had threesomes
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ANM Staff.
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Sarah
Should I be concerned about this?
He is constantly out partying, always going to music festivals, has a yearly Excel spreadsheet recording his yearly holidays and social events: including Ibiza, Europe, Thailand, Barcelona, Tomorrowland’s all with the boys.
He tells me his best sex comes from a one night stand just after a break up from his ex of 5 years and now…
Last night he casually tells me in bed? He’s had a threesome with two girls one night he was walking home from the club? Said he just wanted to go to bed and met these girls.
Is his lifestyle to be of concern?
Thing is too? This guy seems like the most quietest and sweetest human face to face. So introverted and sweet however his lifestyle is a bit….much?
Lala
You posted about this already. He’s in the party phase of life right now and probably not ready for a committed relationship. Clearly nothing has changed since you first posted this.
Tallspicy
Are you the girl who asked about the guy with the spreadsheet and we all told you to dump him? Now you are a month more invested, and he clearly is not. Please learn why you would accept this. This is about you, not him. He is doing nothing wrong and you are abandoning yourself to be with him.
Tallspicy
His lifestyle was a concern when you met him and it is worse now, but you are the real problem. Tough love time.
Liz Lemon
I agree with all the above. I remember your other post about this guy. You ignored the advice you were given.
This guy is not into you. No guy who is into a woman would casually talk to her about great sex he’s had with other women! That’s distancing behavior. He is intentionally saying things to you to keep you from getting close to him. Meanwhile you’re sleeping with him and getting more attached whereas he’s just looking to party. Why are you doing this to yourself?
Sarah
I find it difficult to walk away from guys I like. For some reason I keep attracting men who don’t like me? Least that’s how it seems. For years and years now? I’ve met men who can’t commit, don’t want to commit or make me last on their priorities. Sadder thing? Next girl they meet? They always seem to connect and settle or seem to get further than I managed to?
Last ex? Crazy party animal, wouldn’t be tamed…meets his new gf? Gets a house, and is never out.
Ex before ex? Always partied, didn’t ever want to spend a weekend with me. New gf? They live together, have a puppy together & go on holidays together & party together.
I don’t know what I am doing wrong. I’m good luck chuck! With zero self respect so it appears
Jo
Sarah
You seem to understand you’re the problem and want to do something about it. That’s the first part of the battle won. However I think you will need more help than we can give you. Please get some help with your self esteem issues.
In the meantime the following may help.
Make a plan as to how not to get too involved too quickly until you have a clear idea who someone is. This may include how often you meet, holding off on sex, developing hobbies and developing female friendships to maintain more balance in your life and not giving them up because he asks you to.
You need to start regarding some things as complete deal breakers regardless of any other factors and leave no matter how hard it is. Amongst the top deal breakers are:
1. Not seeming to like you
2. Treating you with disrespect, e.g by bragging about previous sexual conquests
3. Major lifestyle incompatibility, e.g. being a party animal if you only like partying occasionally
4. Addiction issues
5. Personal attacks, physical or otherwise
Think about the way you have been treated in the past and make your own list. Consider warning signs you ignored and resolve not to do so in the future.Make a plan as to how you are going to leave bad relationships. Think through issues like how you will fill your time, what support system you will have in place, how you will deal with attempts to change your mind. Sometimes actions that are for the best are hard. Getting unattached from someone is not easy as amongst the bad there is always some good. Maybe make a list of the bad times to strengthen your resolve when it weakens.
ANM StaffKeymasterSarah, I think the community would appreciate if you elaborated a bit. Who is “he” in this context? Is “he” your ex, whom you posted about five minutes before you posted this topic? Or is he a different gentleman?
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