Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › He’s ignoring me after every been spending time together
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Gin.
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Gin
For the past 4 weeks I have been going on dates with a guy I met in a grocery store in March. At first i was a little skeptical because he’s a tad bit older but not by much.
On our first date we met up at Dairy Queen. We talked for three hours , he did majority of the talking.
He asked me out for a second date a few days later and the second date he cooked and made cookies for us at his house we cuddled and watched movies.
We had a 3rd date and we ended up having sex. Ever since the third date he’s been acting weird.
When i come over he will ask me “why didn’t you give me a hug when you came in?”
“Why don’t you bring a second pair of clothes over so you can spend the night?”
“Can you come get comfortable with me?”
“Do you want me to do this or that?”
“Can you come over?” And if i say “I’m busy today he’ll ask can he come pick me up if I’m tired
“Do you miss me?”
It’s like he asks me questions non stop The other day when i came over he was on the game playing COD with his friends and he asked me “do you want me to get off that game?”
And i said “no” I’m fine you can finish playing
We were laying in bed last night and he asked me “what did you do today?”
And i said “i went downtown”
and he said “who’s downtown? Your other boyfriends”
I looked at him and said “no” and he said “i mean if you do have others your talking to that’s fine”
Now today i texted him this morning and he hasn’t said a word to me or responded
TL:DR; he won’t let things happen naturally and let me be myself as far as getting to know him. He asks me questions as if he’s insecure about my feelings. Not sure if it’s a personal flaw or red flag. And what made him ask about other men
Raven
Does he take you out or come to yours?
Gin
Both
Newbie
What does TL: DR mean?
Rookie
Too Long; Didn’t Read
Used to sum up the main point of a long story for those who can’t be bothered to read
mell
I’m not sure that not replying for a day counts as ignoring – people can be busy.
However, he also sounds way too intense. It’s only been a few dates. What’s he doing demanding hugs? Why can’t he just hug you himself if he wants to? Who asks if you miss them after alike a few dates together? He also doesn’t respect if you’re busy or tired – this is not a good sign and it’s not romantic. He doesn’t respect your boundaries and already tries to push them to get what he wants.Until you agree to be exclusive, a man has no right to care if there are other men. Anyhow, he shouldn’t be joking about you having other boyfriends – that’s immature and disrespectful. It’s incredibly insecure of him.
He sounds like a lot of hard work – do you really want to be with someone like this? I’m afraid it’s all a bit of a red flag for me. I’m worried that this is the early signs of someone who is needy, posessive and controlling. So if you stay with him, I’d tell you to watch out.
A bugbear of mine: If you were under lockdown, then you shouldn’t have been dating strangers from other households. However this forum seems full of people who felt that lockdown didn’t apply to their love lives.
Gin
Well he gave me the okay to date others so technically he doesn’t care
Lane
It sounds like he was feeling you out to see if you got attached to him or not.
Men know, especially older men, that having sex changes a lady, because women do attach very easily after sex, and when you’ve have dealt with a lot of clingers, men find methods or ways to keep a lady at arms length, yet keep them close enough to get the sex.
Sex can really muck it up lol.
Gin
So why is he ignoring me now then I’m lost? Can someone explain
Lane
Because he just wanted sex.
Women really need to understand how men operate. Men are loaded with testosterone, which the hormone that drives a lot of their thoughts and actions, which is mostly sex related. A man can have over a hundred thoughts about sex a day, seriously! Just a lady standing in the line at a grocery store, an image on a billboard or computer, can conjure up all kinds of sexual thoughts. This is one of the areas that makes them uniquely different than woman where a woman can go throughout an entire day without even thinking of a sexual thought but a man could have had 10 before lunch!
Within 10 seconds or meeting you he was having sexual thoughts. A man knows all he has to do is buy a lady a dinner or two, and he’ll get his sexual fix.
Keeping sex off the table will tell you a man’s intentions because a man just looking for sex isn’t going to spend a lot of time or money on a lady who isn’t putting out. When they get it, they will put you on a shelf (stop making advances) and only take you down, set something up again, when they get horny and want more sex.
I’m not say ALL men are like this but its the best and fastest way to weed out the ‘sex only’ guys.
mell
It’s hard to say what a man’s thinking,but if he disappears he’s no longer interested. And after a couple of dates and sex is not an unusual time for men to disappear if their interest was shallow. Because they’ve had some fun, and they don’t invest enough in women to get attached after that.
Frankly, though – he sounds like he was pretending to be so clingy and needy that he did you a favour. It doesn’t sound like you even liked how clingy he was being, and that would have grown old very fast.
I think that’s a bit simplified – plenty of women think about sex a lot, too. Lockdown has not been kind to my levels of horniness given I can’t be with my guy.XD But jokes aside, Lane is right – a lot of people are very sexual. And sex is a powerful motivator for some. If you just want sex for sex’s sake then there’s no problem having it on any date – as long as you expect nothing more than sex to come out of it. The problem is, as women we’re taught to attach a whole lot of meaning and expectations to sex, and we often aren’t honest with ourselves. I have friends who often sleep with a guy early cos they hope it’ll make him commit or fall in love with them – but that’s not how sex works. These friends can feel used and dirty after sex – even if it was after weeks of knowing a guy, because they didn’t have sex on their terms and for themselves. And some of those scumbags even had the audacity to slutshame women for sleeping with them. Honestly any man that stupid deserves to never get laid again.
You can’t win a guy over with some sex – it’s just a garnish. It only means something when there’s already an attachment there.
The truth is some of these guys are going to dump you regardless – whether or not we put out. I’ve heard plenty of guys say that they’d dump a woman if she doesn’t sleep with them by say 2-3 weeks in. Which for me is silly because that’s like… a few dates in?
Personally, I don’t sleep with guys early on because it takes me time to feel comfortable enough with them and trust them enough for that – but I’m not saying that has to be the case for everyone. I’m sure it definitely meant that some guys who just wanted sex disappeared on me because I wasn’t putting out. But I don’t care – I’ve only ever done it on my terms and had good experiences, which makes me lucky. Some of my friends luck out after first date sex (or even one night stands that just never ended) – and that’s great if it’s what they want. But the successful ones know not to expect more than just sex if you’re sleeping with someone early on. Sometimes someone will flake out on you after sex, and that has to be a risk you’re willing to take if you wanna get jiggy with them when you don’t know them.
If you just want sex then it doesn’t hurt, even if the guy dumps you afterwards. But if you want more, and if it’d hurt your feelings if a guy disappeared after sex, then yeah its worth holding off until you know him well enough to know that he isn’t just around for that.
It doesn’t sound like you’ve attached too much meaning to the sex – which is great. I’m sorry that he sounds like he isn’t a nice guy. Don’t be hard on yourself if he disappeared – consider yourself lucky he’s showing who he is now.
Bebe182
Have you heard from him? And what is the age difference between you two?
Gin
He’s 28 I’m 24 just the other day he kept saying “I’m playing too many games “
I’m not sure how I’m playing games. I’m not talking or seeing another guy either
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