Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › He's moving too fast and I'm losing interest
- This topic has 5 replies and was last updated 2 years, 6 months ago by
M.
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Anon
Hi,
I’m 26, female, and I met this guy 22, male, through common friends. I was abit sceptical about the age gap but read up about it and realised its not too big of a deal.
We went on our first date 3 weeks ago and I really enjoyed his company. The date went well. About 3 days later we went on our second date meeting with our friends we have in common for a coffee, kind of like a double date. That date felt uncomfortable because it made me feel like we were already in a relationship… on that date my friend was heading to the gym that evening and asked us to join so me and my date got roped into going to the gym together. So now I’m seeing him basically everyday and he’s walking me home everyday after the gym. Then he’s also asking me on dates. Our third date, for only knowing him 2 weeks, we went for a meal, done a pub quiz and then to end the date went for cocktails. I enjoyed the date and I enjoyed his company but before the date I wasn’t looking forward to it because we’re seeing eachother so often.
On Friday, I went to his and we cuddled a d watched Netflix, last night his parents were away and he was having a few drinks in his and he invited me. So then infront of all his friends, it felt as though, we were serious. He asked me if I wanted to stay over but I don’t feel comfortable yet.
So to sum it all up because I don’t want to bore use, I’m feeling like he’s very into me in the early stages of getting to know me. It feels as if, in his mind, we’re already in a relationship and there’s no other girls he wants. This makes me want to run the other way as I don’t like him as much as he likes me. I don’t want to let him go because he is a really nice guy, and I’ve been in enough toxic relationships I’m trying to break that cycle. But I don’t know how to let him know he’s moving to fast or I’m also scared to let him go incase my friends dislike me for hurting him/not being interested in him.
I feel a little trapped talking to him because of our friends in common.
Rox
You can slow it down, by just not going on the dates… decline say you’re busy.
M
Yes I’d do that too. It’s okay and it’s fine to have other things going on in your life so you can’t see him so often. Just let him know you’ve got xyz on so you can’t see him on whatever night doesn’t suit, but you can see him on another night. Will give you both some breathing space.
(Now you know what guys feel like sometimes when women race ahead! 😉 it’s an icky feeling right?!)
You can be cool and suave about it and handle it with grace and finesse. This is your life not your friends. Listen to your inner wisdom, it will guide you.
You’re not necessarily saying no to the guy, you’re just saying not tonight or tomorrow night. Everyone’s allowed to have their own time and space, it’s totally okay and fine (and even recommended.)
M
PS there must be a way you can avoid the walk home from the gym together every night. That would bug me too, I like my alone time! What could you do or say so that you still get to walk with him some days (when it suits you) but not every day?
M
PPS another thing just struck me – you mentioned previous toxic relationships. One of the early signs of this is when a person moves too fast and becomes serious too quickly.
Watch out for this. He might be fine and it might be infatuation and a normal healthy relationship that follows.
But it might not.
Trust your instincts.
M
I don’t think it’s wrong or selfish to want to slow down. That’s not the same as stringing someone along surely?
It just sounds more like she’s feeling suffocated and there’s no room for feelings to grow when that happens. Which they may (or may not) do when the pace changes.
It’s certainly happened to me – I’ve had a guy move way too fast for me in the past. When it slowed down, it gave my attraction a chance to increase and I did end up falling for him pretty hard after that.
Of course if Anon doesn’t see any potential with the guy here, she should definitely do the kind thing and let him go already.
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