He's pulling the slow fade.. Should I delete him from social media?

in the future don’t do anything like the avoiding me text.. something like that would make a guy want to avoid you more. but he was doing that before that text, so anyway. it seems to me he may have just wanted to hook up with you & after that is when he started checking out. even if a guy takes you on dates & all that stuff, it doesn’t mean that they are above just wanting to hook up. they know they need to charm you in order for that to happen so all that date stuff doesn’t mean anything if they didn’t ACTUALLY want something serious with you. he is on to his next conquest. I would move on but don’t delete him from social media yet because then it looks like you care. if you didn’t care it wouldn’t even be on your radar, so don’t. after awhile you should though of course. it sounds like he is just looking to meet girls & hookup with them so don’t take it personally because there is nothing you could’ve done to prevent it

Hello Dana,
Sigh…where should I begin?

First off,from what I gathered you aren’t interested in casual sex. While you can blame the wine it’s more than that. When you first meet a man try to avoid going back to his place or yours.Most women who have sex early on will second guess it later and start worrying if the man has lost interest or wants sex from there on out.

Secondly, that text was passive agressive and no guy likes that. You just met him and are already coming off demanding about is time and when he responds to you. I’m sure that was not your intention but, that’s probably how that text came off.

At this point allow him to come to you. If he does, great if he doesn’t that’s fine too.Also, keep in mind that you should be dating others. Most dating situations rarely get off the ground so, don’t be attached to one guy and like I said try not to sleep with him early on because you don’t know what his intentions are for you.

Lastly, DO NOT add a guy you are dating to your social media. I say this because people get all wrapped up in what they see and blow all kinds of silly things out of proportion. A social meida is a window into your private life, keep the mystery up and don’t add a guy you just met into that world.

Best wishes to you!

if i’m having problems like this with a guy I personally don’t delete them either because it looks like you care. guys always come back when you look like you don’t care/have a good time. it will be tough at first but worth it in the end. usually most social networks you can “hide” people – Facebook and twitter you can hide or mute people so try to do that if you can, it helps a lot. guys also do the slow fade all the time. i’ve realized you can’t take it personally because you can be the greatest girl in the world and have so much chemistry but if the guy isn’t looking for anything serious or wants to play the field he will and nothing will stop him, no matter how much you guys hit it off. i feel like many guys who aren’t looking for relationships don’t think long term – so why not play the game and give themselves boosts of confidence here and there because they need it. if he contacts you at some point just be short to him and don’t give him the time of day. don’t contact him either. don’t be hard on yourself or feel like you did anything wrong, guys get little power trips from stringing girls along!

Hi!

EXACTLY the same happened to me, so similar that I am just laughing at myself right now. After reading basically all that there is on the internet about this topic (why he lost interest/disappeared?) it seems to me it is more common than what I expected.
Yes, I met him on Tinder, we kissed on the third date (he was so sweet, even his hands were shaking a bit, as though he was nervous), I have met some of his friends, he has met some of my friends, we had like 10 dates in one month, had sex, I started to like him and then…nothing, hahahaha, just nice texting but no attempt to meet again. Never. Ever. LOL. If it helps, my conclusions:
1) Do not take it personally. He doesn’t know you enough, you do not know him enough. None of you have enough information to measure what you lost. So let it be. It hurts still, but hey, one month ago you didn’t know this guy existed, so why make it so important?
2) It doesn’t matter what you do (text, not text, delete him from facebook, block him on whatsapp…) or what you did (the torture of the sex issue: was it too soon? Should I have waited more? Was it the nail polish color?? :)). But I really think that the fact is that if I guy for some reason doesn’t want to see you again, it is going to be that way, sooner or later, with sex or without sex.
3) Be true to yourself. I mean it. In my case, I should have been more honest with myself about what I want. If what I want is a stable relationship, why did I sleep with a man I barely knew? But, it has worked for some people! Okay, good for them. I know myself, and for me, it does not work.
4) Be the best version of yourself that you can be. Whether you have a partner or not, looking for one or not. Be happy and feel fulfilled with your job, your friends, your hobbies. This is the typical advice, but it is true. It helps taking this type of disappointments with some distance and looking at them with a healthier perspective.
5) Put yourself first. Women tend to give, men tend to take (this is psychology, it is not me saying). At the beginning of a relationship, men need to “do” and women need to let them show, with facts, if they are interested. It is not a game, it is not a test. If you are happy with your life, you will have this attitude naturally.
Hope it helps and sorry if a write too much.
Good luck with the next one!

Great advice. I agree completely.

You won’t know why he lost interest. Could be nothing to do with you. However, don’t ever ask a guy you just started dating are you avoiding me. Makes you look like a needy mess. Just chalk it up to not the right match and forget about him. And yes, I would take him off your social media. There’s no reason to keep him hanging around and I’m a big believer in clearing out all signs of an ex to make room for new love.

I was in a similar situation as well-4 months-spent every weekend together, (we live an hour apart)nightly phone calls ,future talk etc. and then -pretty much what Dana described. I have learned that if a man says or demonstrates by his actions/non-actions ,that he can’t or won’t, be able to give you what you want/need -believe it. I was crushed but broke it off then and there and left.
The best thing I did was tell him that I would not contact him again. No matter how much I miss him and wish things were different-I will not embarrass myself by going back on my word. Also, I asked him if he was surprised I was leaving and he said-“yes, but I know you are doing the right thing”! Don’t look back Dana-just go forward.

ooops, did not know it was a really old post. my bad. but still. GREAT ADVICE:)

I think you should tell this guy how you feel.

Honestly, if he’s been doing most of the initiating and the chasing and you’re just sitting there waiting for him, he may be thinking that you’re not all that interested in him. The hard part about all this is we sometimes have to put aside all the nonsense dating advice out there…which seems to be making us more single than ever, btw…and see how it looks from the opposing side. If you’re playing hard to get, he may figure he should move on. Yes, this is contrary to all the other advice out there…which appears to have come from our grandmothers who all got married right out of HS and was geared towards tricking the seventeen year old neighbor boy into liking you. The men we are dealing with in this day and age have more responsibilities than football practice and going to the malt shop after school…they have full time jobs, kids in some instances, active social lives, etc. Many times us women end up treating guys in a way that would scream NOT INTERESTED if the shoe was on the other foot, in some misguided attempt to play hard to get.

It’s the twenty-first century. We ladies wanted an even playing field, now we’ve got one, and we’re refusing to play ball. We’re expecting the ball to chase us and it’s not happening.

You like him? SAY “I feel like we’re drifting apart, and I really don’t want that to happen because I think you’re someone special.” And no, that’s not pathetic, nor is it desperate, that is confidence and strength, saying “I’m not afraid to say what I want,” and if he doesn’t feel the same way, that same confident woman can shrug and say, “I tried, I told him how I felt, and now I can move on in peace.”

@Shannon

What you suggested about “having the talk” and show your feeling upfront and don’t care about how the guy reacts, I’ve experimented with it before. This guy liked me a lot but did not meet all my criteria. He initiates things a lot and treated me well so I was willing to give him a chance and see where it may take us. After a while, he suddenly pulled back and we were drifting away when scattered texting still existed. Then I asked if we should end it and he said it seems we were both very busy and didn’t have time to ‘feel’ it. I was find not seeing him but I got the idea of communicating how I feel from my friend. Then we shared our thoughts and decided to give it another chance.

We made plans and continued seeing each other but the reason why he pulled away in the first place (the real reason that I would never know) still seemed to be there. And I can feel that he doesn’t act as sincere and sweet and he used to be. Then I found him on another dating site (he closed his account on the website we met each other). Then things started to fall apart very fast. It did’t break me but it definitely take a toll on my emotional status since I feel bad about things going south beyond my control ( as controlling as a Leo woman can be). I wished that I followed my guts and ended it at that point.

The man may realize how much he likes you and wants you to be in his life and come around after the pulling away. But it’s better for him to make that decision himself and not through communication about what each other wants (it’s not like communicating about what each other wants is not important, just at that phase, you are not connected on that level to make it genuine since you don’t know each other that well).

@ Bea, nail polish color…very cute:)

Thanks bea99!!!