He’s Sick!!!

It’s an excuse they use in hopes you’ll move on quietly (drama free) when they stop responding and asking you out.

Why is it so hard for women to take the hint?

If you send out a resume’ or go on an interview and don’t get a response do you keep pestering them with emails or calls???

A man is not obligated to like or fall in love with you just because he takes you out on a date; just like you’re not obligated to do the same if you don’t want to see him again. That’s the essence of dating—BOTH (key word) parties interested enough to see where it may lead or not.

It ends when the man stops asking the lady out or the woman says no when he asks—that’s how it works.

The reason I don’t “get the hint” is that some people legit do get sick, really sick. Also, don’t schedule a date if you want someone to “get the hint”. “Hey, I’m not into this chick, and I need her to f off, I know, I’ll ask her out!”

More than anything its funny that boys can’t just stop digging that hole. I should text that dude today for the next installment of lame excuse.

Also, if I was interviewing, and the interviewer sent me a message that they had to cancel the interview due to illness, and to reschedule, I would follow up with them until the mentioned that the job had been filled. And if they aren’t interested, most recruiters will just tell you that if you ask- they don’t just keep kicking the can down the road with polite excuses.

A big problem is that women tend to overinvest in men, and do so too early. At the fist sign of interest from a man,some women are making plans for a relationship that may or may not happen, having sex too soon, and are too quick to stop meeting other men. Then when things don’t work out, it’s hard because you’ve put all your eggs in one basket.

Don’t you mean – don’t blame women for this particular man’s lies, don’t write off the entire gender 😉

Anon – I hear you.

This forum is not especially warm and cuddly with its advice, but damn it’s useful sometimes to stop you being ‘that woman’ reading other people’s insanity *ahem* I mean cautionary tales!

Oh geez, Datibg isnonlyncimplicated because women make it so darn complicated!!!

Note to self: if aid really sick he WILL contact you IF he really wants (key word) to, if he DOESN’T he won’t! They really are that simple!!

“If it’s only a few dates, even if the man said he wasn’t feeling it, the rejection would feel the same. ”

To me, I’d respect a guy who said he wasn’t feeling it, because that shows he respects me enough to not waste my time. The ghosting/mixed signals/speaking in code makes me feel worse because in general, it stretches out the situation and it creates some level of confusion, because I have had people come back around. To me, that’s disrespectful.

To be fair, it also bothers me when a potential employer ignores you after you follow up on an interview, for the same reason. I’ve gotten jobs a month after the interview out of the blue…. so you know, do I write you off or am I still in the running? Are you going to call me in 6 weeks with an offer because the hiring manager had hip surgery and was out for 4 weeks? Or are you one of those employers who wants to see if I follow up to gauge interest?

If someone takes the time to follow up, just give them the courtesy of a brief response.

Ghosting and rejection do not feel the same. Ghosting feels much worse, especially if you thought things were going well, and it seems that these days “ghosts” specifically try to make things appear as going well right before they ghost, to hit harder it seems.

No one is that emotionally and socially retarded as not to understand how terrible ghosting feels. No one. There is also a lot of information about it these days, online and in the mainstream media. There is no excuse for “not knowing” or “not realizing” or “trying not to hurt a person”. The two main reasons that cover 99% of ghosting behaviour are: inconsiderate selfish cowards or secretly sadistic manipulators. take your pick LOL

And if you saw each other more than twice, talked for 2-3 weeks, exchanged information, ate together – the other person DOES owe you basic normal humanity and they are ought to tell you they are not feeling it. Instead of ghosting like barbarians. You do not need to have titles glued to your forehead for the other person to “owe” you some consideration, I am not even talking about respect. Geez..

“. This is what differentiates people who are mature and realistic and those who are immature and live in fantasy. ”

This is quite possibly the saddest thing I’ve ever read that it is immature and “a fantasy” to expect a person you have invested time into to respond to an inquiry. Let’s take dating out of this and apply it to job interviews. Once you have invested some time- it is a courtesy that you should take to follow up on an inquiry. You don’t need to reject everyone who sent a resume, or even a phone interview. But if someone put on their suit, came in, spoke to you, and follows up about the job, you don’t just ignore them.

Also, eventually that behavior BITES you in the butt. In my case, they really do need a hire soon and can’t find the right person which would be me. But I feel really strongly about courtesy so nope. Another case- a guy I hooked up with is applying to work in my office. He never ghosted, was always honest, and kept in touch. Guess who has a foot in the door now?

Go ahead, treat people like garbage, blow them off because “they should get the hint”, but hope that you never need that person you blew off for anything.

OK, Lane, you would be the FIRST person I have ever heard that “I’ll let you know if we are interested in hiring you”. Most hiring people say “We will be in touch with you shortly”.

Most people communicate with a lot of vagueness. You are an exception to the rule in that you are direct. I bet you never told a guy after a date “Let’s do this again”

anon, I run a business too and am in charge of hiring. Last time we had a position I literally got over 70 resumes sent to me, had over a dozen people call and interviewed 6-8. I told those people we would be making a decision within the week. No I didn’t call everyone I talked to and tell them they didn’t get the job. But guess what, if you didn’t hear from me in a week you didn’t get it. Pretty clear. I still have to keep my company running while I’m also adding interviewing people into my hectic day. Don’t have time to spoon feed everyone.

And quite frankly being sick is not the typical way a guy ditches a girl. You will see on here it’s usually he’s super busy with work or he’s going on a trip out of town and he fades out. Should guys be more direct and say they’re done. Sure. But should women learn when a guy isn’t contacting them, initiating dates or making plans to see them he’s not interested… ABSOLUTLEY!! But instead women will text the guy, and if he replies saying how busy he is and that’s why he hasn’t contacted them they CONTINUE to initiate with a guy until he’s finally like she just won’t take the hint and he ghosts on her.

This doesn’t ruin my day or life, but why not just communicate clearly?

If someone asked you about a job opening you had filled, and you would say “job is filled, thanks!”. You wouldn’t say “Oh man, I’ve been super busy, I’ll let you know!”, especially if you didn’t want to hear from that person again. I think most people reasonably interested in a job would follow up again if they were told the latter.

So guys do this “oh man, I was sick, love to see you again” OR they actually schedule a date. Then they wonder why women follow up and don’t get the hint. Because a reasonable person thinks “oh, cool, he was just busy/sick, but we are going out again, so he must like me”.

And I do think there is a point before which it is OK not to respond. For me, I draw that line at an in person meeting- be it a date or interview. If someone I met face to face inquires about a job/date after the fact, I follow up.