He's still dating other women?

Katie, sorry to hear this. It is unfortunately a common story here.

Before you go off on him… sit with this “hurt.” Trace it back. You didn’t have the conversation so… can you see that the responsibility lies with you for communicating what you wanted? ESPECIALLY when you are online dating and everyone on there knows full well that they are all dating around. He didn’t cause your hurt feelings. Can you see that? It’s your interpretation of the situation that is causing you the pain. The good news about taking 100% responsibility for it is, on the flip side it is 100% within your control to feel better. So… let the wound close and now you’ve learned how not to get into this situation again.

So go talk with him when you are centered. Be prepared that he may not want an exclusive relationship as he hasn’t asked and he has been dating other women without telling you.

Good luck sweetie. I suspect there is someone better for you out there who wants what you want.

You THINK he’s at a stage where he wants to find someone to marry and he’s not into short term flings? Not so sure about that. Look what he just did. And I don’t care if he TOLD you that’s where he’s at, he has just demonstrated otherwise. Telling you he had to work Saturdays and he’s out with another woman??? Based on that alone, I’d walk. DO NOT IGNORE this… big red flag he’s not committed to you and isn’t going to be!!!!!

NEVER get invested in a man before you know from his actions that he’s invested in you.

You gotta get this clear with him or this is just a fantasy. Don’t waste 2015 with someone who isn’t equally into you.

Thanks girls.

I have not slept with him, I made it clear early on that I am not interested in sleeping with someone until I am in a committed relationship with that person. He said he understood, and won’t pressure me until i’m ready. He said he also prefers to take things slowly with a girl. (Also he never got physical with that other girl either even though she wanted to). In the past he always seemed a lot more keen in coming up to my place..but not so much anymore.. It’s not like i’m holding off sex, if he calls me his girlfriend and says he’s committed then we’re good to go!

We started going out since August. He dated her for a month in October…then again there may be other girls that I dont know about…

So if we talk and he says “I’ve only been dating you”….should i bring up the fact that I know he’s been dating other girls? Or should i not even talk about the past and only talk about our exclusivity plans for the future from this day forward?

I really need to control myself and not shed a single tear when i talk to him about this, i just feel so broken up inside

don’t let on you know about the other girls because then he might think you’re getting “stalkery” you can’t control what he’s doing, I know this is hard, but take some time to get your emotions under control. he will only not date other girls if he WANTS to. he will only be exclusive with you if he wants to. & if he wants to, he will make it happen. I feel like he’s enjoying your company, but he doesn’t feel the need to commit to you, at least not yet. He has no real incentive to because he can see you & see other girls. He isn’t tied down to anyone. at some point you need to tell him you are ONLY interested in an exclusive relationship. He will either step into that role or he won’t

Thank you Stefanie, Ashley, and Talllady for your advice.

You guys really helped clarify things and I feel a lot calmer now.

I’m going out with him in a few days, so I’ll see how things go.

@Talllady, in regards to the new mantra, i’d like to make an edit—*I* could date a million other men but *I* chose him–but only if he plays his cards right, otherwise i’m moving on babe! I’m a good catch damn-it, and he better have not forgotten that! hahah ;)

Okay girls…so update..

I told him since it’s been a couple of months i think we should figure out if we’re on the same page/ where we’re going with this..he looked confused and he was like ‘what do u mean? you go first and tell me what u think’ , so i said we need to figure out if we’re going to be only dating each other/be exclusive from this point forward….and he still looked confused and he’s like ‘i dont understand why we need to talk about this…i like you and i’m happy when i spend time with you and i’m only dating you…so why are we exactly talking about all of this? ‘ ..i was like Okayy so i’m introducing you as my boyfriend then? ..and he’s like ‘you can introduce me as whatever you would like,i dont want you to feel pressured’..

he said he was happy with us, but what would make him happier was if we spent more time with each other

I felt bad that i was pestering him with all these questions, but i didnt want to repeat this conversation topic again, so i just decided to ask everything.

i was just kinda annoyed that he was being so vague/quiet/confused…i guess he was nervous…he didnt look very comfortable lol.

Any thoughts? did i ask him too many questions? is it normal for a guy to be so confused about this topic?

Is he still on dating sites?

I”m on the fence with this… either he was vague because he’s trying to keep his options open or he felt cornered and responded from that place because of the things you said. To his credit, he said wanted to spend more time with you. See if that really happens. Watch the actions, not the words.

I’d suggest handling another way… “I’d like for sex to be part of our relationship and I’m comfortable doing that when I know I’m in an exclusive and monogamous relationship. What do you think, when do you feel comfortable with sex entering a relationship?”

Okay wanted to give you guys another update

I dumped that ba*sta*rd!!!!

I went out with him on friday, i again had the talk with him, He said ‘yeah i like you! ‘. I asked him why he hasn’t called me his gf yet, and he said ‘because i dont want to feel like i’ve pressured you into being my gf’….and then he said “well i want a long term relationship, but I got the message that you only wanted to casually date me’ ….which is bullshit. But I accepted what he said, I thought, maybe it really is my fault.

I asked him if he still uses dating sites. He said “No i quit a long time ago, im only dating you’. I confronted him about knowing for a FACT that he’s still active on them. Then he said it wasnt him, and his brother was using the sites on his behalf. (wtf, but whatever i accepted his excuse).

I confronted him about knowing that he went out with my friend. He became quiet. (i cant remember what he replied cuz i was too mad). (my friend later on told me that she saw him with another girl a week after he broke up with her)

After all of this, I was still willing to give him a chance. Because I truly liked him. He dropped me off at home, we both acknowledged that we’re on the same page now and we’re going to communicate better and we planned out our next date.

And then i get a text message from another friend that they had matched together on an online dating site that day and he had sent her a flirty message TWENTY MINUTES before going out with me on friday night. she sent me a printscreen of his profile –he had the nerve to crop me out of one of the photos we had together and put this as his profile pic–THE NERVE!!!

Clearly he did not care about our relationship, if he did, he would talk about our problems instead of continuing to date other girls. He told me the things i wanted to hear because he just wanted to keep me around.

Today I sent him the break-up text. And I feel great!

Relationships are supposed to make you feel happy. I *wanted* to feel happy with him so i ignored all the signs, but I constantly felt upset and it all felt like a heavy weight on my shoulders.

Girls, trust your gut instincts. Don’t overanalyze things like crazy, but if your instincts keep telling you that something arent right, then it probably isnt.

***”No man is worth your tears, and the one who is will never make you cry” *** AMEN!

KATIE!!!! I’m in my living room doing the wave and cheering for you!!! What great insights you are sharing for all of us to learn from. Thanks for the update.

His brother… yeah right and Queen Elizabeth uses my profile every so often too when she wants to step out on Prince Philip!!!

This boy is probably addicted to the online game. What bunch of BS lines. I am SO glad you saw through it.

An old song from Martin Briley in the 80s: “You ain’t worth the salt in my tears”

Hey, similar situation here. He sounds the same but mine even more of a liar. after a month-6 weeks or so of dating, I saw he hadnt been online for a month but had shady texts and calls in when we were on dates. So I asked him if it was a monogamous relationship 2 months ago, stating that I only went further with a man if in a relationship with him. That same night he went back online on the site we met on. This really upset me but I didn’t tell him I saw just backed off a bit and later asked him are you on the site, which he denied point blank. He continues the same asking me out at the last minute thing which I didnt do if I was busy but we got more and more intimate as he pressured me more and more, still denying there was anyone else every time I asked him to be honest, he said that I was the paranoid one, and had ‘trust issues’ because I felt he wasnt being honest (knowing that he was still checking in on the site 2 months later) – this is a typical narcissistic trait, to try to make YOU feel bad for things he’s done wrong. Eventually, having met his family, (he has never used the word ‘gf’ to me or anyone, only admitting very cautiously to methat we’ve been “dating”), and a few break ups and reunions (something I hate and have never done with anyone else and hopefully wont ever again), i confronted him about checking in online and he denied it, so I said he had to take down his profile if he wanted to see me. He said he would that day but didn’t. When I challenged him on it tonight, he said he ‘hasnt been on the site or chatted to anyone since he met me’. What bullshit. I said ‘well you have since we met, I’m sure you chatted to others for a while, but it’s not acceptable to me that you do now, and I told you not to come over to my flat if you were online’. He said he hadnt been online but it said he had logged in 5 hours before and hidden his photos only for members, he hadn’t removed his profile. I asked why he hadnt and he said ‘oh he didnt know how to’ so I offered to do it for him, then he took it down but said he didn’t want to talk about it (of course he didn’t…). He used work as an excuse but he had time to log in and hide his profile, so he could’ve suspended it but didnt earlier.
Then all this now means is: yes he’s temporarily suspended his profile but has still been online to girls over the last month and probably sleeping with them as all that he really talks passionately about is sex. His other behaviours are not good but he says he loves me etc etc, which he clearly doesnt. So now the fact is he still lied to me daily for the last 2 months and even when I asked him to be honest, he just won’t.
He’s narcissistic. He’ll now use difficulties at work as his excuse for not doing anything. Sad but true : a nation of online dating addictive men. Wish I had dumped his before but not sure what to say as he just does as he wants and will mainly just want sex

I am divorce single mother of one. I’m a survivor of a domestic violence marriage. After separating from my ex-husband I became someone that I didn’t even knew. I started dating different guys, slept with some of them too soon. I got attached to almost all of them. The funny thing is that even though I got attached to these many guys, after months of painfully dating them I didn’t have a problem dumping them. Two years have passed, and I don’t behave as wild. Now I am looking for reason relationship. The problem is that every “honest” guy I meet runs off. One of the came off very strong, he said from the beginning that he wanted I relationship, but we both agreed on taking it slow. However, after meeting my family and son ( I was in total disagreement, we were only dating for weeks) but he said he wanted to see how meeting my family would help us in getting into a relationship. Everything was good until we had sex. All the sudden he started to banish. I confronted him, I told him that I didn’t want to be his Butty call, and I wanted to ended it. He said the reason, he wasn’t reaching out was because he felt intimidated by me. He said I had my shit together even I didn’t think I did. I have a career and he doesn’t, but I told him that when a couple love and respect each other, they help each other to grow. Long story short we continued on and off until I went to business trip. The day before I left I told my guy to do a soul search and get his feelings for me together. That I wasn’t going to seat around and wait for him to react me like a lady, and not like just a Butty call. The first day of the business trip, a coworker and I really click. We already knew each other from work, but we never had the opportunity to spend time together or have a long talk. That day, we were both unhappy to be there, we had other priorities in mind, but with was too late to tell our bosses that. Anyways, due to our “happy” mood we started talking to each other. He was very attentive, he asked me to go eat with him because he didn’t like to be around all our coworkers and I accepted. During lunch, we started talking about relationships. He went on and on about how disappointed he was about been with women that didn’t want to commit or to women that wanted commitment, but behave otherwise. He told me about he passed relationships, and how he broke up a four years relationship because the woman didn’t want kids. I then told him about my situation, he told me he was in shock that I was still talking to that guy. The night went along, all the coworkers went clubbing (since it was our night free). My coworker and I were together most of the time. We danced, laughed, drank, and enjoyed each other company. At the end of the night, we went back to my hotel room and had drunk sex. The next day, neither of us regret, but agreed to keep a secret. That afternoon we had sex for a second time. At the end of the weekend, we went back home, we both agreed it was an amazing weekend. However, coming back home I had to face my on and of guy, I didn’t told him about my amazing weekend. He asked me how it was and I told him, it was better than what expected for a business trip and that was it. Forgetting that in that trip was my ex-bff which she was the one planned a blind date with this guy. I totally forgot that back stabber bitch the was there. We stopped been friends because she started taking behind my back and I caught her more than twice. Apparently, she had nothing better to do, but to take pictures of me while in the business trip and as soon as she got home, she told my guy that I was been too friendly with another guy the entire weekend. The guy never asked me until the middle of the week. He confronted me, and I told him that we never wanted us official, so he shouldn’t been asking for boyfriend’s privilege when he didn’t want any. Then we had sex one more time and I decided to cut him off completely. My coworker and I continued building a friendship. He would call me every day, asked me to see me, we would out to eat. He never asked me or approached for sex which was a bit confusing for me because I was like we did it already, so why has he even mentioned? A couple weeks later, he told me he was going to travel to Europe, something told me to casually ask if he was going by himself. The answer was shocking to me, he said he was going with a friend( a girl). He looked at me like waiting for a reaction, but didn’t say anything and continued the conversation even though I was hating the answer. HE TOLD HE WAS SINGLE, but you don’t travel with a female unless she is something to you. Another week passed, and I was still confused we so much in common. Thankfully, at this point I was not attached to him yet because I thought that like any other guy, he would eventually banished after having sex. This time it was not happening yet, he was kind and lovely. He told me he admired me, etc… I then decided to ask about the girl and he told that she was a friend that he travels with. That he didn’t consider girl a girlfriend neither did she. He went on his trip and as soon as he got here, he called and asked me out. He had a great time and had sex. Everything went by smoothly, until I started to wonder about the other girl. I told him that it made feel uncomfortable because I didn’t know if they were really a couple or not, but he gave me same excuse. I told him that I didn’t want to continued whatever we had going on because it didn’t feel good as a woman. He acted like he understood, but continued looking for me. He even told me to give him a chance. This happened twice, but the second time I ended I told him I was looking for a relationship, that I wanted someone to take me out to the movies and expend time with me. He clearly said that he couldn’t take me out, and couldn’t expend time with me as I wanted to, but that I should give it a try. I felt disappointed, but painfully entertained the situation. Then the circle started again he began to stop calling as often, he would have chasing him. When I called he didn’t answer, he would responded to text hours later or even a day later. I told him I didn’t like that and he responded that I was over reacting and it was too soon to act like that. He was right because it was only been a month and half. He would asked me out without notice and sometimes cancelled. Many times he made me feel like was been annoying, but he I told him about my feelings he said he had feelings for me and that wasn’t going to change. One day he was helping with something, but Mr. Wanted to talk and talk while telling what to do, so I cut him off many times, telling him to tell me what to do and that we’ll talk later about anything else that he had to say. Apparently he got upset, but never showed to me. He did asked me why won’t I listen to him sometimes and I told him it was because he spoke too much, and I was the type of person that likes to communicate but going to the point. In my opinion, when a guy speaks too much he wants sugar coded that he only wants to used you. After this, he finally stopped calling and I decided to text him. He then told me to call him asap which I did only to find out that he was upset for days and he ended the situation. After a couple days , I apologized to him and he went back to the crazy roller coaster. On his days off he won’t call, I could tell that he blocks my number when he is off, but yet he told he wasn’t seeing the other girl. A week ago, I ended things the best possible this in person, it was painful but it felt needed. I told to myself if he wants, he’ll come back which he did. He called over the weekend, spoke about our situation and he told me he wanted to see during this week. I made clear to him that we needed to set a day and time because I wasn’t going to be waiting for him because I had a life too. Since we have different schedules we left it as before that he was going to call me and let me know the day and time. During that conversation, he mentioned that he had taken a day off and he was going out. I asked him where and what he was going to do, but we went around the answer without giving an answer. Then yesterday he called me, and while we were talking I noticed he was sending me pictures, without looking at the pictures I told him if he noticed that he was sending me pictures. In a scared voice he said “oh my god, those were not meant to be sent to you” so I looked at the pictures and they were pictures of a girl seating by the beach, they were also pictures of a beautiful sunset. In the pictures you could tie chairs and he shoes. These pictures meant that he took the time to take her in a romantic date while he has waiting for him to call and to go on our pending date. At the moment, I didn’t react, and continued the conversation normal. Later in the conversation, he got upset because I told him that I didn’t like that he comments about cheating while married as something that is normal. He got mad at me saying that he was only making an example about a friend that he have in common. I told him that he wasn’t such as saint, and he shouldn’t get mad at for thinking that sees cheating as something normal. We then hung up. I finally got to take a closer look to the pictures and decided to end his game for good. I called him and asked him if I could pass by his housed to drop off some of his stuff that I had. While driving there I had something things to say, but when I got there I didn’t say anything. I gave him his stuff and left. This time he looked calmed, he wasn’t mad, worried about anything. The last week, he looked sad and confused when I ended things. On my way home, I texted him that he was worse that the rest of the guys, because at least I knew they were dogs. Unlike him, he pretended to be a saint while trying to insult my intelligence and I went on telling how less than a man he was. An hour later he texted that he was disappointed that I thought of him like that. I didn’t responded that night. However, a friend of mine read what I wrote to him and told me that I should apologize for taking the way I did, she was like is not like didn’t tell you about the girl. I was in denial to text him back, but I did. I sent him a long apologizing text, but still told him that we were better off apart. He hasn’t text me back. I want to call him and him to meet up, but at the same it feels so embarrassing. I don’t want to get regret by him again. I honesty feel that I crossed the line this time. At the same time, I feel that I should not reach out to him anymore. I should stay away, but there is a fear of loosing him. I know cares for me a little, and I honesty he would be a good boyfriend to have. For the good things that he has that I didn’t mentioned. This situation is so confusing and painful. Painful because I know I should let it go, but my heart won’t let it go. Should I reach out to him or just wait until he does?.

P.S. I can’t believe I have showed him my psycho side and we have “dating” only three months.