He's stopped contacting… pls help me keep perspective

I have a friend in Africa, friends in USA, friends in Europe…..family in Australia.

We manage to stay in touch almost daily. There’s no excuse to not stay in touch with messenger WhatsApp email and most good hotels have wifi.

It isnt ok for him to be mia.

Or preempt him. Say to him well if i dont hear frim you while you’re away don’t bother contacting me when you’re back.

My goodness ladies, its not a man’s job to make you happy all the time! How did woman survive before the 1990’s when their men went to war and didn’t hear from them for MONTHS?!?! How did women cope when their men went off hunting for long stretches of time?!?!

This “neediness” is destroying relationships today! He’s BUSY TRAVELLING and just because technology makes it easier to reach out it doesn’t mean they should just to placate your insecurities. I went WEEKS without having contact with my (now ex) husband when he was operating in war torn countries (like Bosnia) where if I wasn’t by the phone when he a brief opportunity to call it would be another week or so before I did and I SURVIVED JUST FINE by keeping myself busy, taking care of the kids, household so he wouldn’t have to STRESS—I had HIS BACK taking care of things at home so he could focus on the mission at hand.

Space is not always a bad thing, in fact there’s a saying “distance makes the heart grow fonder.” Couples need breaks from each other and this is an excellent time to enjoy yourself for awhile—look at the positives (he’s bringing home the bacon and spending quality time with his kids that will never happen again) instead of complaining about one negative.

No Sarah.

This is where woman are so wrong about men! Men need to have “a purpose” in life and trust me its not having a woman because they can go through life just fine without one which is why so many prefer it today. If a man loves a woman he will check in when he can but it needs to be UP TO HIM or he’s not doing it because he WANTS TO but he HAS TO so although the woman may feel a little better what she doesn’t know is that she’s slowly chipping away at the relationship.

Wouldn’t you rather have a man contact you because he MISSES and WANTS TO or because he’s forced to because his woman isn’t happy?

I’m not a man and I would feel completely suffocated if a guy wanted me to check in with him every two days, specially if I’m travelling for whatever reason, call it vacation or work.

Besides, it is a fact that they can’t concentrate on more than one thing, if they need to focus on work that’s what they do. Having two sons has helped me understand the male mind a little more, they just see things differently and don’t really love having to text every day. That doesn’t mean they don’t care it just means they have their minds somewhere else.

Actually if a man feels like a girlfriend is becoming a task they will run as fast as they can, on the other hand, if they feel like you add value to their life they will be thankful.

Lane, disappearing for more than 3 days isn’t a man who loves you would do, doesn’t matter how busy he is. Yes, every woman wants man to contact her because he misses her, not forced. When a man plays the disappearing role for days even weeks, it’s low standard to accept such behavior. A lady should always expect to be treated nicely, not endless give understanding to unworthy behavior. A man who commits to his woman always finds the time, not e excuse. And he will keep in touch because he wants to. If he doesn’t do that, the woman should not demand, but should not put him in a boyfriend position to wait around patiently.

Lane, I am not going to get into argument with you because we have different mind set. My last response: A woman doesn’t need to rely on a man’s calling, she just simply dismisses those do not meet her standard and choose those who totally devote his attention, time and everything to her. It is so simply, nothing to complain or fee frustrated.

Totally agree with you Andrea,if a man loves and cares about a woman, he will make
sure she knows it. This means he will make sure he calls text and communicate with her as often as he needs to .A woman should not have to guess about how her man feels about her or feel starved for his attention.

Women who claim it does not bother them not hearing from their men for days or weeks etc,great for you, but do not suggest there is something wrong with women who feel the opposite.

I agree with andrea, if hes interested, he will get in touch on his own surely once every few days. that’s natural. maybe not everyday but def he will check in at least once every few days.

but u need to factor in that its a new place, different experience, plus so many countries and his work load. time difference. may not be practical for him to get in touch every day. as long as he checks in atleast once every few days it shld be ok. plus wknds he may be busy wid his kids, exploring new place etc.

Don’t think u should prompt him or even ask him to connect every day. that may come across as demanding/needy. maybe u could simply say baby just drop in a line every few days to leme know ur doing ok, will show ur concerned yet mindful of his busy schedule?

Lane
It sounds like your relationships work because you accept crumbs. In fact, l wonder why you bother having them when you’re clearly so independent and need barely any contact from them at all? I agree to not having ‘expectations’ but your relationships sound more like FWB – even your last one (you mentioned on here) lasted a while but when issues arose. ..which if l remember were contact issues, you didn’t resolve anything – didn’t respond and let him go! What a waste of time for all your, ‘letting him lead, being busy’ etc etc. So clearly your way doesn’t work for everyone – even you!
We all need space and to be free to get on with what we are doing, work, personal or otherwise. But if a partner (male or female )who claims to be in love with the other does not have a passing thought about the other in a month which results in contact (action) of some sort then that’s not okay. And is probably not love either. Yes men are wired differently but they need to reach out too and it comforts them. Either party can reach out. Lane you speak like you are the complete knowledge on this stuff when even for all your experience and your advice from your dad – you are just another women in a sea of women who all have had many different experiences.
No one should feel bad or needy for expecting respect in the form of a quick, “how are you – l thought of you today” men are not stones – they may operate differently but l have grown sons too, and they know how to treat those who care for them well.

Hi Janet.

No my relationships don’t work because I accept “crumbs” as you put it, they work because I don’t FORCE or MAKE DEMANDS on people because of my own insecurities. I don’t need a man to “check in” to make me feel better, I want him to “check in” because he’s thinking of me and wants to hear my voice or wants me to know he’s OK.

Men have lives and you need to respect and accept that there will be times they are too busy or consumed with problems and/or responsibilities and can’t always check in or make contact like they used to. There will be high and low times because life fluctuates and you need to either fluctuate with it or rigidity (set expectations) will kill it.

Yes, I prefer EASY relationships because there’s no reason to create needless drama when life throws you a curve ball. If your not able to cope or work through it then that’s a predictor of what to expect from them in the future. I want someone who can handle the bumps in the road that life throws and ride them together instead of creating extra “drama” (additional problems or issues) in my already hectic life.

Sorry, but when a man TELLS YOU that for the next month he’s going to be “out of touch” (MIA) and gives you a laundry list as to “why” then she has two options: 1) support him and give him the space he’s asking for; or 2) tell him this isn’t acceptable and its probably best to end it. You don’t agree to it and then complain about it later—that’s unfair.

As a side note: I do have better “coping skills” than the current generation does because I didn’t have technology to rely on and had to rely on myself. Today women require INSTANT attention due to the advent of 24/7 technology but it still doesn’t change the fact that people (men and woman) have lives that are not centered around one person (a partner) but families, friends, children, work, hobbies as they love/need them too so there needs to be a good ‘balance’ of each and ‘wiggle room’ in relationships or they won’t last.