He's the one who is getting attached and coming on strong!

I think the majority of us ladies come to these types of websites for the opposite reason. We get our emotions tied up in the idea of a guy and continue promoting him on the elusive pedestal of the dating dynamic. Well, I feel like I’m in a rare (or rarely discussed) situation and I’m curious if any ladies out guys out there have been in a similar scenario or at least understand my situation…

I’ve recently moved about 2000 miles away from home for work. I’m in sales and manage a territory that includes multiple states. I’ve been really enjoying myself. I’m meeting new friends, career is great, and I’m embracing a satisfactory sense of self. I’ve also been dating. For the first time in my life, I can genuinely say that I’m dating solely to meet new people. I’ve always been one of those girls who enjoys her single status (well, more than probably 90% of other women), but now I feel like I’d be doing a disservice to myself (my happiness and social life) if I get into a relationship. Anyway, this leads me to my current situation. In the past month I’ve been dating two guys that have come on really genuinely strong. They’ve basically pursued me due to my intelligence (emotional and book smarts) and beauty (which from the little I know about most men, this is likely the main reason they pursed me so hard). They both were also really impressed with my career and the fact that I’m taking care of myself 2000 miles away from the rest of my family. The first guy I started dating turned out to be a little too smart for his own good and ultimately we were just not at all compatible. I broke it off. The second guy has come on just as strong, if not stronger. The difference with the second guy is that he seems pretty genuine. You can see it in his eyes. He also says things like I’m beautiful instead of sexy….

Here’s the story – I met the second guy through online dating. He lives in a city 5 hours from me but I go there at least once a month for work/customers. We texted back and fourth nonchalantly for a few weeks before meeting. Were both in sales, so pretty similar in that aspect. I finally was able to meet up with him for dinner this past week and I could tell from the beginning he was really interested in me and genuinely wanted to get to know more about me. He was confident about it too, not awkward. After dinner we walked around town a little bit and grabbed a beer at another bar. (Total alcohol we each consumed was less than 3 servings a piece). After the bar, he walked me back to my car and we held hands on the way. I’ve never done this on a first date before, but we kissed. Like full on make out in the street by my car. Cars were driving by us… It was a great kiss but yikes, I am not that uninhibited, so I was really all in the moment. I told him at the end of the kiss (which probably lasted anywhere from 2-5 min), that I had never done anything like this before. He proceeded to kiss me again and then we parted ways. Before leaving, I suggested we hang out again the following evening. He agreed.

The next night was just as fun if not more! I was starting to get a better feel for him – he basically is this personality that has little inhibition when it comes to interacting with any human. He’s very genuine, intentional, and… Touchy feely. All is totally fine and great with me excepted I am extremely inhibited and have to make a concerted effort to let my guard down. I have to say he did a great job of naturally helping me do this. So on this second date, we got dinner and did some more strolling around town. He continued to show that he was interested in getting to know me and seemed like he wanted to take care of me… In the way that two equals with romantic feeling for each other would respectfully want to do. I should also add that he made a huge effort to make the date happen. He has two cars – one for work and one personal. One was in the shop and the other one wouldn’t start when went to pick me up. He had to borrow his mom’s car to come get me… Anyway, back to the date… Toward the end of the date we were walking by the river and he took me aside and started kissing me again. I was feeling really comfortable at this point and as trusting as someone would be on a second date. There was (and still is) one thing in the very back of my consciousness that is making me doubt his intentions. It’s that I have never dated a guy who comes on this strong who doesn’t want more than just sex.

Here’s were it gets even more confusing for me… I made to conscious decision to sleep with him that evening. It was his suggestion that we spend the night together, and I agreed on my own desire to do so. As corny as this is going to sound, it was more like making love than I’ve ever experienced with someone in my whole 27 years. He gave me a back massage and we even got breakfast together the next day. Later that day I had to head back home to my city 5 hours away.

Since then, we has texted me nearly every day. Things like ‘good morning beautiful I hope you have a nice day.’ Some times well text back and forth, some times it’s just short and sweet. However, I can’t shake two feelings. One – he’s trying way too hard to impress me ( he’s really positive and great at motivating people and building relationships, so he’ll just make comments and statements that are innocent but shows how ‘awesome’ he is.). Two – he’s coming on really strong sexually. This is secondary to the first point, but noticeable nonetheless. He’ll take things I say in a text and turn them into sexual innuendoes. For example, I told him I got really wet from the hike I went on because of the rain, and how do you supposed he interpreted that… He also asked me to send him shower pics when I take a shower. My reply to that was to say something along the lines of ‘I’m not much of a selfie picture taker’ and he seemed to handle it fine but stated that our make out and sexual encounter was so hot, he couldn’t stop thinking about it… I’m honestly not sure how I feel about that comment… I’ve just invited him to come visit me for the wknd in a couple weeks, so that will be the first time we’ll see each other. He has just recently requested to be my Facebook friend, which I reluctantly accepted… In all reality, it’s fine, if I didn’t want to be Facebook friends with him yet, I would’ve ignored or declined the invite and I’d be fully upfront with him about it.

So ultimately my feelings right now are that this guy is coming on really strong and may have developed an emotional attachment to me already… I can’t help but acknowledge that I contributed to this by sleeping with him, but I feel like it is always the other way around. I really like him and want to get to know him more, but I question if his intentions are truly genuine to get to know me and not just my body….

A little background about our current dating stats – he’s 38 I’m 27. I’ve always dated guys right around 8 or 9 years older for some reason. I just consider myself to have an old soul and younger guys rarely know how to treat a woman right. He has been single and dating for the past 2 years but prior to that had been in a 10 year dead end relationship with a woman who didn’t believe in marriage. I’ve been single for over a year and my longest relationship was barely 3 years.

This is pretty much it… So why is this guy (or some guys in general) so emotionally attached to me? Does this type just really enjoy a challenging chase and then get bored once they realize they’ve conquered? Eventually I am going to bring up what he’s looking for in life, his future, and where who he sees me, but that likely won’t happen until I see him in a couple weeks. In the mean time, I’m trying to understand if guys like this are for real?

Thanks for reading my mini novel ;-)

I appreciate your feedback!

-k