Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Hinted to my BF of almost 5 years about a ring, but he just brushed it off.
- This topic has 4 replies and was last updated 1 year, 5 months ago by
AngieBaby.
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Jessie
This might sound a bit odd and unconventional, but it works for us. I am not looking to get married just yet (been there, done that), for both of us and our marriages ended in divorce. We both have children and live in our own homes so marriage really hasn’t been brought up.
We do talk about our future though, when our kids are grown, we have talked about possibly leaving the state and have even identified a couple of places where we just casually browsed at homes for sale. We are on the same page that we plan to spend our lives together.
Although I’m not looking to get married yet, I’ve increasingly had this desire to have a ring around my finger- sort of as just a symbol of our commitment. I have been seeing it a lot and I just really wished I had something from him I could wear proudly.
Last week, he was giving me a massage while we were watching TV. A jewelry commercial came on- wasn’t sure if it was a ring commercial or something else as I wasn’t paying much attention. But it prompted him to ask “you don’t wear any jewelry, do you?” I answered I only have my earrings but no, I don’t now because I don’t really have any updated jewelry or anything nice to wear, otherwise I would.
Later that day, we were talking again and started taking about his cousin. I remember when she got engaged and I absolutely love her ring. I mentioned to my BF, “speaking of jewelry, I would absolutely wear a beautiful ring, Jen’s is so beautiful, I love her style”. He acknowledged it saying it was very beautiful. And I light-heartedly, with a smile said “by the way, I’m a size x”. And he said, “in what, your finger size”? And I said yes. He smiled, basically just brushed it off.
I wonder why he even asked out of the blue about whether or not I’m into jewelry, but I guess it was nothing. Just a little disheartened and wanted to get some suggestions on whether or not I should bring it up again. Or if I should just let it go.
Raven
Dumb question: You’ve been with this guy for 5 years. Why are you hinting?
Jessie
Because the subject hasn’t really been brought up before so it was more of a hint to somewhat ease the shock factor. I really don’t want marriage yet, still have kids in middle school and so does he. We have talked about buying a home together once the kids are 18 so it’s going to be a while. I just recently felt that need for a ring. A “symbol” if you will, which may sound a bit ridiculous as I’m not wanting to ask him to get engaged.
I’ve been seeing a lot of couples now where the girl has a beautiful ring from her partner, yet they’re not engaged. I don’t know how to even tell him I want that without sounding silly.
Natz
I think you’re referring to a promise ring. It’s a symbol of comittment but its not an engagement.
He smiled at the idea so maybe he wasn’t brushing it off but actually plans to think it over and surprise you.
Wait a bit and see.
If nothing comes from this, I suggest you just tell him what you want plainly and openly. I feel like you guys have good communication and you can even go pick one out together.
Another idea is to just get engaged but you can wait to when you’re ready to tie the knot.
AngieBaby
After 5 years together and with a while to go before it’s practical to get married, I think you’re going to have to do more than hint like this. What you’re asking for is indeed a promise ring as a symbol of commitment and that’s not something a man will typically understand with some kind of explanation. I think it’s likely he’ll take it as you’re asking to formally get engaged to be married. And yes, he’s going to brush that off. I doubt he’s thinking about it to surprise you.
You’ve been together a while, sounds like you’re on the same page about the future so you should be able to discuss anything. Wait for an opening and bring it up and spell out that you’re not asking to get engaged and start planning a wedding, you’re just asking for a promise ring. If you want him to choose it, you need to tell him that specifically. If you want to go shopping for it together, tell him that if that’s what you want. Don’t expect him to read your mind in this instance. Tell him it would really make you happy to have a ring like this. Doesn’t have to be a big fancy rock.
Are you afraid to ask because you’re afraid he’ll balk?
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