Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › His Communication is Confusing!
- This topic has 7 replies and was last updated 3 years, 11 months ago by
Lane.
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Whitney
I have a guy I have developed feelings for. We are friends. Lately, I seem to be bothered by the fact that I am always the one initiating calls with him. SO, I brought it up. He said, I do try and then I get busy (he is a cop) and I just don’t get enough time. Of course, because feelings became an issue, I started feeling unimportant enough to take 5 minutes for. SO now all last week and this week, he has called me EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. BUT the question here is, he seems to always say something like, see? I initiated, I called you with NO PROMPTING, which is kind of humorous, but at the same time, do you feel as if it’s a dig, like, he’s only doing it to humour me, not because he actually WANTS to talk? Do men call you if they aren’t interested? I had tried to minimize contact in the past because I started getting feelings and he basically said, “no I don’t like that idea, I can tone it down if it helps” and then it was “I still want to talk at least a few days a week” and since, he’s initiating. I mean, I am happy for it, just confused. How should I feel? How do you as an outsider view this? HONESTLY.
Elvira
Seems to me you are extremely confused. You tell him to call more he does and now your questioning whether he did it because you told him to…yes he is. Then you say you also told him before not to call too much because you were getting attached and he still wanted to communicate. I mean your all over the place…why are you confused on how he feels about you? You say you are friends so why demand him to treat you like a girlfriend? Calling is not a surefire sign of interest, yes it helps, but is he also showing interest in other areas such as spending time. Stop focusing on the communication and get clarity on the relationship he wants to have with you. A man will call/text/spend time when they want to not when they feel they are being obligated or demanded to do it. If you are asking him to call everyday and its not what he likes then come to a middle ground! However it doesn’t seem you are in a relationship with this man so that is confusing.
Lala
Jeez you’re unhappy if he doesn’t call and unhappy if he does call. This is they type of thing that drives men crazy and often, away. He’s calling you like you asked, can’t you just be happy?
Men do not make an effort if they aren’t interested. Whether or not this is sustainable for him is unknown but probably not. One thing is for sure is that if you complain to him that he is not genuine and only calling you bc you asked he will be gone. Men don’t like to feel they’ve disappointed a woman. And with you it seems there’s no winning.
He’s making an effort… even if it drops off to a few calls a week that’s a decent effort and should be enough for you. If he stops calling altogether and you are the only one making the effort, then he is either uninterested, lazy or you two are incompatible.
Newbie
He doesnt want a romantic relationship with you. That part is clear. He told you a few times he likes being friends, a lot, but thats it. You are being inconsistent (due to his behaviour also). You are initiating a lot when in fact you wanted to pull back and he said no. You could have said you were not interested, or you could have let him initiate, but you did an 180 turn: you did all the initiating. Simply because he refused to give you up, it gave you hope.
I dont really like these kind of guys. They are fully aware you like him more than he likes you and they wheel you in and pull you back. I dont why, i guess its part liking you and part an ego boost.,
So as an outsider i would take a break from him. I would tell him, i like you more than what you can give so i want a period of no contact. And then detox. Tell yourself you dont want a man that doesnt want you. The bare minimum of a man that peeks your interest is his interest in you. That has to be your minimum barWhitney
Newbie! Yes, this is is, he refused to let me walk away, so I feel like there “must be something” so I guess its most likely he just wants me for an ego boost :( That’s sad, because I am an amazing person and he’s missing out! So I guess I should continue to not initiate and see where it goes from here?
Anna
I would not waste your time on this site.
Newbie
Yeah stop, but i dont think there will be anything that goes from there. Sometimes you really have to lose hope. If he wants a relationship he would have made that clear. But he doesnt. He draws the line at being friends. Its up to you to accept that or not. You dont have to, you know. If it keeps you from moving on, sometimes its best to part ways. At least for a while.
Lane
I seriously don’t understand why women need to play these emotional games? He was clear he wanted to be your friend and for some odd reason you have him doing back flips to prove what? That he’s a better friend now than he was before just because he calls you more?
I’m not sure what your motive is but he’ll eventually get tired of this game and start backtracking or when he meets a lady he wants to date; he’ll be calling her, not you.
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