His ex wanted to come back

Also, you need to keep in mind that if he just found out that she cheated on him, it’s a blow to his ego whether or not he is interested in getting back with her. So its normal for him to feel upset about that.

I agree with Liz. He opened up to you quickly and honestly, and it makes sense he had an emotional response to meeting with her and all she said. Yes, maybe he could have told you she reached out in the first place before meeting up with her, but since you’ve only been dating for a month I don’t think his waiting until after he spoke to her to tell you is a major issue. There’s no reason to believe from what you said that he wanted to dump this on you when he didn’t know what she wanted yet and it’s not on you to deal with and solve his past for him. If you’d been dating longer and were officially together for a while and he didn’t tell you she reached out before meeting up with her, that would be a red flag.

It makes sense that you’re concerned he’s not fully over things because they only broke up two months ago and he started a new relationship so quickly. That’s not a lot of healing time, unless things were bad for a while and they just stayed together much longer than they should have, or it was a short relationship. However, he said he is over her and didn’t need a break. So what you need to do now is observe if his words and his actions always line up. Is he consistent and keeping to his word? If he doesn’t want to be with her, is he now holding his boundaries firmly and telling her not to contact him any further because he’s in another relationship? Then blocking or ignoring her? Is he taking a few days to process the new information and maybe is sad or angry on his own but not taking it out on you or letting it impact your connection? As Liz asked, do you have any additional reasons not to trust him? Are your instincts telling you he’s giving you real reason to think you shouldn’t trust him and that he’s not over this, or are you feeling conflicted out of your own fear, insecurities, and assumptions?

FWIW, I had an ex cheat on me, but I didn’t find out until after we broke up and I moved on. So it was uncomfortable news, but it wasn’t something damaging to me or that I needed much time to process and move past because it was all already over and done with. We broke up for a reason anyway, and adding cheating to the pile – well, I already knew it was a bad fit because he had his issues and his cheating meant nothing about how future men would act. Some people get really damaged over that level of betrayal and project distrust onto new partners, and if I was still emotionally involved when he told me I’d have been distraught. So again, it’s about taking him at his word and seeing if he knows himself well enough and is mature enough to be honest with himself about where he’s at. IF that’s the case, then it’s a good indicator that he’s mature enough to invest in further for a relationship.

I do think it’s a yellow flag that going to the grocery store makes him sad, because there’s a lot of grocery shopping in relationships! But it’s on him to work out that association and not dwell on those memories, even though it may take a minute with the shocking information he learned.

If you see that he’s still staying stuck and not processing what happened after a couple weeks, or he isn’t immediately firmly shutting her out and he’s still entertaining his ex, then you have your answer about if he’s actually still rebounding and lying to himself about it. But I’d give him a little bit of a chance here, especially if he’s willing to work with you on slowing down your relationship speed a little bit to something you’re more comfortable with to continue building up trust between you, and he’s showing you he is indeed actually done with her. If he communicated all this with you transparently and there’s no continued drama from him afterwards, then I think he is genuinely trying to handle things maturely. If you get inconsistency or half-@$$ effort from him, especially if he stays in touch with his ex when he knows she’s thirsty, then you can feel okay about walking away.

It isn’t wrong that you felt bad and a bit insecure about this happening. There are signs this could go either way, so it’s not like everything is perfect and you screwed it up. I think it is a good reminder that you don’t know him well yet since it’s still early. However, giving him space doesn’t mean you two shouldn’t talk at all… that does interrupt your connection not to have any contact. He may not have been clear on exactly what you want since you maybe weren’t clear about it? How often were you talking and seeing each other before? What if you’re still seeing each other but less often for a little bit? Has he cut the ex out yet? The important thing here is seeing if he’s serious about moving on with you and leaving her behind, or if he’s just trying to ignore the other situation and their bad break up and is using you as a distraction. You can’t observe anything or see if he steps up for you if you’re not speaking. Although if he pulls away and then remains distant indefinitely, you have your answer in that case as well (and that would likely be because he realized you’re right and he’s not over it rather than being about you “pushing him away”).