Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › His Mom Still Talks to his Ex
- This topic has 15 replies and was last updated 5 years, 1 month ago by
ANM Staff.
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Emily
For me, this is beyond weird. My fiance’s mom sill talks to his ex girlfriend all the time. He was in a long relationship with her and she ended up cheating on him over 6 times before he found out. For my family, even if my parents liked my bf’s they’d always cut ties because it’s just the thing you do. There’s no reason for them to be in your life anymore or theirs. I bring it up every once in a while, hinting that I want his mom to cut ties fully with her before we get married because I cannot become comfortable with this after being with him for over 3 years. Even when we became serious and started talking about marriage, I’d start to slowly becomes friends with his family on Facebook, yet ALL of them are still friends with her. Is this normal? I just cannot let it go because I am not and never will be comfortable with it. Every time I bring it up, my fiance gets on the defensive and mad at me, but he always tells me to bring something up thats bugging me and to be honest about it. He says that he won’t ever do anything and hasn’t talked to her in forever but he tells me when he talks to her (sometimes). I don’t know what to do.
Disagree
She’s obviously part of his family’s life. You’re obviously the love of his life. It sounds like he’s given you no reason to be Leary of this ex.. and you certainly can’t control who his mother is friends with! Embrace your current role in his life and stop worrying about his past!
Hannah
What his mom does is up to her. It has nothing to do with you or him.
My grandmother is still not touch with my dad’s ex wife. They became friends. My dad and her split up in 1968! My dad met my mother in 1970 and had a very happy life together until she died. He was never in contact with his ex all of that time but his parents were. I didn’t even know he was divorced untilh I was about 13!
Why should his mother cut ties with someone she likes and has created a bond with just because you want her to? And how is your boyfriend going to make her do that, even if he wanted to?
Why does it matter so much to you?
Hannah
Urgh! The pop-ups on here are making it really difficult to write sense! I hope you understood my post!!
Rachel
I’m still friends with my ex husband’s family. He left me out of the blue 4 years ago, but his family were all really supportive, and I’d known them since we were 14. There’s nothing in it at all, and I’m happily engaged to someone else now, but they were a big part of my life for 22 years, and they did nothing wrong so it seems silly to cut them off now.
Don’t worry, it sounds like No one else minds and he’s with you now so concentrate on that, as like others have said, you can’t control who his mum is friends with (& you’ll be the bad guy if you try)
Amanda
You need to accept that you have no business telling his mother who to befriend. If you get pushy that is what will make your reltionship difficult – you…not her. Just think of her as a friend of your boyfriend’s mom – that’s it. Let it be. You need to pick your battles and this is a bad choice.
Nelly
You cannot control who your boyfriend’s mum is friends with – I don’t blame him for getting annoyed, there’s not much he could do either. It comes down to trust and security – if you are that insecure then you need to look inwards.
Ann
I’m married into this situation and I totally understand. It’s not that you are insecure but the fact that my family cuts ties and his won’t let go is annoying. It never stops annoying me. It’s seriously ridiculous and I understand your pain.
Ali
I have a really good friend who has a daughter who still spends time with the ex-inlaws without the ex-husband– she even lives in a property they own most of year (they are pretty wealthy and have a few houses). I have always wondered how this sits with her ex husbands new wife, but i guess it works for them.
But that’s different, I guess because there is a child involves.Not exactly sure why she would WANT to be friends with a woman who cheated on her son? Seems kinda weird, but I’m not sure what to suggest.
redcurleysue
I was married for seventeen years with three children. My ex inlaws have always included me in holidays (since my children are included as well) and we have remained friends for fifteen years after the divorce.
When I have a birthday for the kids I include them as well (not the ex husband) which seems right since they are the grandparents and aunts and uncles of the kids.
Being on friendly terms (we do not talk all the time, just occasionally, seems correct and not intrusive.
Just know that they like this woman for whatever reason and it has nothing to do with you at all. If they kept in touch with an old neighbor you would not care. It is just because she is an ex.
My ex and I divorced for a reason and the reason remains. We have nothing to do with each other at all. If you can understand that then perhaps you can see clear that this is nothing to fret about. He is with you and is happy about that. But if you keep at him about something he cannot change then you can sour that happiness for no reason. He has no control over this…leave him be about it. His actions are that he is with you.
Kelly
It is completely inappropriate. It is a lack of boundaries that ultimately creates a lack of respect.
Cat
Have you ever seen the movie ‘Clueless’? The protaginist’s ex-step-brother from a previous marriage/divorce still hangs out and stays over at the house. It’s a great film.
WTH
You’re responding to a post that’s over a year old girls…
Tisha
I have a similar situation that I’ve struggled with for almost a year.
My boyfriend has a child with his ex, and she and her now fiancé are included as part of my boyfriends family. My boyfriends sister is also dating the ex girlfriends brother just to make matters even more confusing… nevertheless, in my opinion my boyfriends mum continuing a close ‘family’ relationship with her sons ex is only straining her relationship with me. I have no problem with my boyfriends ex or her fiancé and my boyfriends child considers me his step-mum. I have a good relationship with them, and there is no problem there at all. My problem is that when I spent time with my boyfriends family I am always reminded of their closeness to them. It seems unfair and I am given no choice but to accept it as it won’t change. My feelings are that myself and my partner are in a serious relationship and at this point talking about marriage. If my inclusion into the family is on an equal basis to his ex, who is ONLY the mother to their grandson/nephew. Then I will always feel unimportant and never have that closeness with them because they choose to hold on to the past. I think to myself… why is it that most families cut ties with exes? I don’t mean the children involved, I mean the exes? Because it makes everyone else happy except the person who’s ex it is, and any future partners they have. Ultimately, the families choice in family can ruin relationships.
Raven
You’re kidding, right …?
ANM StaffKeymasterMod update:
Hi Tisha, thanks for sharing!
Your comment was posted as a reply to a separate topic that’s a couple years old. The community tends not to give a lot of attention to posts that end up that way. You may have better luck copying and pasting this into a fresh new topic for the community to discuss. You can start a new topic here. Thanks!
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