Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › Hooked up with him now he's partially ignoring me
- This topic has 5 replies and was last updated 8 years, 10 months ago by
Lizzy.
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Lizzy
I recently hooked up with this guy I’ve been trying to hook up with for a long time now, and we’ve been so on and off we would o oh text he never wanted to actually meet up and hook up he would only talk about it. So now that we finally hooked up after literally like three years of trying, we talked about making it a casual thing us hooking up but he’s been being really weird. He tells me he does want to do it again, but he says he doesn’t want to rush and needs time and he hasn’t been texting me I’ve been texting him and I rarely get a response usually I don’t. We just hooked up a few days ago, and I try not t be clingy but I am because I really like him and in the past I’ve hooked up with guys and never heard from them again I’ve had such bad experiences that have left me devastated so while he says he wants to why does he not want to rush? Why has he not been answering? Why does he say he wants to if he doesn’t? Those are my three main details but when we hooked up he was so kind to me and he actually acted like he wanted so the first guy I enjoyed hooking up with and he is the first guy that I ever made cum (sorry if tmi just trying to give detail) but anyway what should I do? Why does he need time?
Stefanie
Lizzy, I presume you are young from your use of the word hook up.
Stop the hook-ups unless you truly do not care whether or not you hear from the guy again. Otherwise, wait on sex until you are clear on whether or not you are on the same page. You say you are disappointed you don’t hear from them so I take it you are looking for a relationship that is more than FWB.
I’m sorry to have to deliver this translation but he says he needs time because he doesn’t want to do this again, or if he does, not for quite a while as he doesn’t want you getting feelings for him. Why do guys say they want to do something when they really don’t? It’s easier to lie to your face and not hurt your feelings.
Unless you are just looking for FWB or NSA… let this one go and be more discerning the future.
Lizzy
Thanks for the response, and that does make allot of sense I actually just wanted a fwb thing but considering he never texts me and when he does it’s usually me initiating it and it’s rare I’m gonna try and let it go he’s clearly not interested and I’m emotionally attached so not a good combo.
Gemini615
Sorry but I don’t think you’re cut out for FWB. If you were ok with casual you wouldn’t be chasing him and you’d leave your feelings out of the equation. You saying that you really like him is already a recipe for disaster, that means you’re already getting attached. If he was interested in you enough than you wouldn’t have to beg for a hook up.
Delete his number. There’s lots of other guys you can hook up with.
Maria
This guy is not into you. It took you 3 years to hook up and then he is partially ignoring you, to use your own words. He is not into you, you should not have hooked up with him in the first place. You said it happened to you before? My guess is for the same reason. You allow yourself to chase men and hook up with them without them being interested in you. Then you feel hurt. Stop doing this. Wait until you KNOW the guy likes you. And when this happens you’d know right away. You will have no “why this or that” questions. He will be nice, sweet, flirtatious, predictable, consistent, etc. You still can’t be clingy, you still only initiate 30-40% of the contact, but you will have no doubts.
Learn how to value yourself more and set standards. Those are not just self esteem standards, those are self-preservation standards and also standards for being happy and feelings good. You are spoiling your life in the meantime by being upset, hurt, wounded, each time your female ego gets a hit, which makes your self esteem suffer, and it all snowballs from there downhill. All you need to do instead is walk away when you do not get what you need.
You know how they say, if you truly LOVE food, if you are a true concessionaire, you are probably skinny. lol. Why? because most easily available foods are not truly delicious actually. So a concessionaire will not eat any of those, a connoisseur will WAIT until they can SAVOUR a food that goes into their mouth.
Do a similar thing with men. Weed them out better, focus on their character and nature instead of on everything else, pay attention to how they behave and communicate with you, anything other than 100% politeness is a red or yellow flag. So do not overlook those, walk away as soon as you get a couple of those flags. You will NOT be dating a lot of men, and it will take a lot of time and effort to find the right guy, but you will be much happier in the end (and in the process too, as you will be in control of what YOU want and what YOU need).
Lizzy
Your response was spot on to be honest I do have a low self esteem, and I do chase guys allot I’m in therapy now for depression, anxiety, and slight ptsd. He’s not interested in me and I’ll learn to accept that just hopefully this time he won’t get my hopes up with anything like he usually does, and I did hook up with two of his friends which was wrong on my part BUT we weren’t talking at the time and they came on to me he knows because I told him, he was in denial and suggested I made it up until they told him themselves so he clearly must think I’m not attractive enough to catch anyone’s attention I suppose. Thank you for the response I appreciate it and this time I’ll try to actually stay away from him.
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