"Hope to see you soon"…?

Hi P.S. if that works for you, I’m happy for you :) I live in a huge city so if I hit it off with someone and he’s not asking me out or if I don’t see him in person within a week I’m moving on.

Well you said yourself that you were not in either of them. So perhaps it’s simply that there was no chemistry and that’s it :) usually online dating takes lots of time and horror stories lol I dated many guys online and some even after only one date it was a “bye-bye” :) You shouldn’t worry too much, when you’ll really connect with someone you won’t wonder about the “see you soon” because probably they will follow up soon after :)

I think a lot of guys say this to be polite. No one wants to say I don’t plan on seeing you again.

Guys know when we don’t like then. Maybe they realized and moved on. They’re very perceptive, I can’t fake it, they always know and don’t even bother with a “nice to meet you” message.

I am new on an online dating site as well. And I met a guy in person last week. He seems interested or at least on our first date asked me to have a second one. He made me select the date for this week. I told him that Friday would be fine for me. Despite he seems a very good person, a gentleman with many qualities, I am not feeling any connection or chemistry for him. And I realized that as soon as I arrive home.

I don’t want to hurt his feelings in any way rejecting this second date. But, I think it will be always better to be honest at front that makes the person waste its time or mine. I will try to figure out how to tell him I am not going to this second date.

Yeah, I’m super nice and charming when on dates but when I like a dude it usually lasts for than an hour, when I don’t it’s from 20 min to an hour and I can’t wait to get out of there. :(

And it’s not just the physical aspect, if I get bored I’m outta there even if the dude’s good looking.

I just started online dating again after a long time away. I’ve been reading up on how to do this right.

I feel like there are different rules depending on what stage of life you are at… it’s one thing if you are in your 20s, another thing in your 30s and a different thing still if you are 40+.

But in general, I say don’t put one foot out the door or get on a dating site until you know for a fact there are many good men out there looking for a wonderful woman like yourself. The other thing is to remember what dating is for – to enjoy yourself and show your date a good time as well. It’s your time in the spotlight to bask in being female! They want us for that. Be confident and also get your dating skills up to par. Confidence is nothing if you keep making mistakes and not understanding how men think and operate. You don’t chase them, you don’t invest in them before they’ve invested in you and you sure as hell don’t sleep with them too quickly unless you hand on heart don’t care if they ever call you again. You do not get yourself in the situation where you feel the need to have the “what are we and where is this going” talk – that’s the sign you are over invested. That’s the lowdown of what I’ve learned in a short time of being here.

Online, you put safety first, both physically and your heart. If a guy comes on too strong too fast, it’s likely not real. Takes 90 days to see the real person if you ask me. That’s when the good behavior front starts to crack, no one other than a professional con artist can hold an act together past that. Avoid men with open issues with an ex or recently separated or divorced – you will get dragged in to find you were just the rebound girl. So many stories of that here. I don’t care what he tells you, how ready he says he is, how into you he says he is, what a great future he sees with you. Recently separated or divorced men are 98% hurt, sad and confused. Look at the odds of a dating situation. Be real. If you can handle the odds being not so great but want to dip a toe in the water go for it… but be prepared to bug out quick if it becomes too much drama or there are too many lies.

Don’t be too tolerant, don’t give too much benefit of the doubt or you train him it’s OK to treat you badly and you are satisfied being a crumb taker.

Remember online sites, you are all dating around. Don’t commit too quickly and keep your profile up and keep dating until there is a talk about being exclusive a couple of months in. Exclusive too quickly often doesn’t last. That site is a Halloween party and he is very busy trick or treating, as you should be too.

Run the relationship in person and talking. Too much text or email is a killer. Discuss sensitive things on the phone or better still face to face.

Here’s one thing that no one says… stop telling horror stories! What you focus on you get more of, so unless you want more weirdos, resist the temptation to entertain everyone with your dating snafus.

Here’s another thing – go out with someone twice before you make up your mind, unless you felt unsafe. I used to scoff at this piece of advice but I’ve found it to be true. And look past the face and body for the whole person! I went out with a man last night who initially I didn’t think was all that physically attractive in the instant we met but I had such a great time chatting to him, we had much in common and he had a lovely smile so if he asks I would go out again. Quit trying to size everyone up as a husband on the first few dates! Takes the pressure off. Remember, thoughts are energy and if it’s more than a fleeting thought you may as well say it out loud because they will pick up on it and feel something is off.

Pay attention to what is not said and done as much as what is, it’s often more telling. I was out with a man for drinks on Saturday night and we’d had some nice chats online the previous week, we were both looking forward to meeting each other. While we talked well and connected decently – he was looking right at me and asking me questions about myself – he stood just about 2 inches further away than I would have expected from someone who liked me and he made no other attempts to “enter my space”. Cold read on the body language. In this instance, I gave him the benefit of the doubt because he had said the day before he didn’t feel well, but instincts were right. He didn’t feel attracted.

Generally not a good idea to contact them after the date, let them come forward. They will either ask you out again or you will get a polite no, which is what the original poster got. Hope to see you soon is a polite no… but be grateful they took the time to say something. A lot of guys won’t, it’s too uncomfortable for them. And that’s OK. It was only one date!

I’ve found this works – give him two small compliments on the date, one on his appearance and one on something he did. I mean small, don’t make a big fuss. Just a couple of little strokes is all it takes. Men’s egos are as fragile as a women’s hearts I’ve heard it said. Keep that in mind, always.

Let them lead but don’t be a doormat. I don’t like certain kinds of foods and if a guy suggests that I say, actually I’m not very fond of that… what else do you suggest? And let them lead but participate in the decisions. They hate it when you refuse to participate at all. It’s not feminine, it’s annoying. However, if you get lost for example, let him work it through without chiming in unless he specifically asks. Don’t try to fix problems or physically lead. Men like to provide and protect for their women and it cuts them off at the knees when we try to “help.” It says, you are incompetent or let Mommy handle it.

Be gracious. It baffles them. They expect crazy or bitchy when women are upset. When you don’t do that, it blows them away. The guy from Saturday said he felt that our age difference was too big. I replied I was so grateful to have met him because he’s opened my eyes to dating younger men than I ever would have thought to date and now I was saying yes to a number of men I normally would have said no to. I said good luck finding the right girl for you, you are a lovely fellow. I truly meant it, I wasn’t being sarcastic or poking at him. Guess what… he keeps looking at my profile, LOL! Probably having second thoughts. When you rage at them on the way out, you only justify their decision to not see you any more.

You need to command a man’s respect before he will love you, if you ask me. Talk about feeling disrespected, not hurt, if he does something out of your bounds. And keep it short.

Men are terrific. They want and need the love of a woman as much as we want and need the love of a man. They just speak a different language.

HAVE FUN above all. It’s so sad to hear women on this site saying what a drag dating is or how hard it is, because if that is what you believe, you will keep getting the same thing!

Hope this helps someone out there.

ABC , YOU HAVE IT ALL!! You really nailed it !! OMG. I have to print this out.

“go out with someone twice before you make up your mind, unless you felt unsafe.
I used to scoff at this piece of advice but I’ve found it to be true. And look past the face and body for the whole person!”

I am having my second thought with this man I date last weekend. I think I should go and give it a chance to both of us. Thank you ABC.

“and you sure as hell don’t sleep with them too quickly unless you hand
on heart don’t care if they ever call you again.”

I can add, If you don’t want to miss the chance to be physical with him, just do what men do.. Just go for it and take the chance. lol!!
Don’t think if he’d invested enough or not if you know in advance he is not a bf material or simply is not looking for that in that moment. That is ok too. Are we not all equals??
Be honest with yourself about what you want and take care of yourself of course. Take responsibility!
Have in mind that it is only because you are thinking on you and you want to give yourself that pleasure, and not because you are expecting more from the man later. At my 40s, I did that for the first time in my life and I can said I felt relieved!!

ABC- I had to print that one out. Great advice!

ABC, the term ‘early’ sounds like vague to me. I am not recommending anybody to sleep with a man on the first or second or.. in fact more than desire or being attracted for your safety you shouldn’t do it. It will not be responsible with yourself.

Karem, I was vague about “early” because that is up to each woman to assess the situation with that particular man. We have all read all the material saying how many dates/weeks to wait before sleeping with him. The best answer I’ve ever heard is “when there is an emotional connection established and you know you are on the same page for what you want.” There isn’t a magic formula. I certainly spent years trying to find it!

From my perspective they said that with the intent of seeing you again and trying to feel you out and your response was nice but showed no enthusiasm to follow up *prob bc you genuinely weren’t interested* If you would’ve responded even with one additional word like “Sure, Tonight was fun” or other options “I’d like that, I had a great time!”, “Nice to meet you as well, looking forward to it” Then they prob would’ve followed up from my experience. Turn the tables and you say to a guy “I had SO much fun tonight, let’s hang out soon” and HE responds “Tonight was great”. You’d assume he wasn’t interested, right? So you wouldn’t invest further