Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › How can I fix this situation?
- This topic has 5 replies and was last updated 1 year, 10 months ago by
Catherine.
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Catherine
My boyfriend and I of 5 months are going through a rough patch.
For background-this is the first good relationship I’ve ever been in. He treats me like gold. Takes care of me, is sweet and compassionate.
I’m sensitive and take things personally. I’ve found on multiple occasions that I easily misinterpret a text or even an action. If he’s quiet I get anxious and assume he is mad at me. I usually just ask if he’s ok when that happens. But lately I’ve really effed things up and i think the multiple times I’ve assumed he was mad or tired of me or whatever it was at the time, has taken a toll. He’s always wanted me to come to him with everything but I think I’ve pushed too far. I came home tonight from his place because I feel like we need space. I want to fix things, I am in the process of working on myself and doing therapy (i know that’s a slower process of course and it’ll take time) but I love what we have and want to make things right.Catherine
Edit: One thing I’m also working on is my insecurities and self esteem. I can’t project those onto someone else and I know I have to learn how to regulate my own emotions and self soothe.
Liz Lemon
How old are you both?
I think the only thing you can do at this point is work on yourself. Read up on anxious attachment, because you definitely sound like you fit the description.
Sorry to be blunt, but I don’t blame your bf for wanting space– you sound exhausting to date. Five months in is still within the honeymoon period (usually the first 6 months or so), so if you’ve been having regular conflict this early on, it doesn’t bode well for a long-term future. Usually during the honeymoon period both people are on their “best behavior” and trying to please the other person, and you haven’t seen each others’ flaws and baggage. That stuff comes out over time. So if your baggage is already affecting this relationship this early on, it’s serious and needs to be dealt with, or else it won’t go away– it will continue to affect your relationships.
So without knowing more details, I can only say– continue to work on yourself. I don’t know what your boyfriend said, or where he’s at mentally, so I can’t give you advice on keeping him as a partner. He may be fed up. From your post I don’t really have a sense of where you left things with him. Did you fight, did you break up, etc?
Catherine
We didn’t break up. Just getting space from each other. I think it’s needed while there is so much tension.
I agree I’ve been a handful. I didn’t realize up until recently how badly it was affecting him. He always told me to come to him with anything and I’ll admit I took advantage of that when I felt insecure.
I agree-continuing to work on myself is a good idea. I’ll try my best to focus on doing thatEwa
but what was being said if i might ask? how is your insecurity projecting on him? you jealous of other women, you accuse him of cheating , you say that he will leave you?
do you have friends you can speak to instead of talking to him ? I find it helps when I feel insecure to talk to my friends rather than telling all my weird thoughts to my bf.
Men will always say you can tell me anything but that doesn’t mean you should be doing that.Catherine
I’ve never accused him of cheating. I’ve felt jealous a bit before, not necessarily of other women but if he’s been friendlier with others than with me.
I know its irrational and I am working hard to improve that. I luckily do have good friends I have vent to if need be.
We are still together and are agreeing to work on things, the vibe between us is very different at the moment and I am hoping it will get better.
I am trying to give him some space, I’ll still text to check in here and there but I don’t want to bombard him with too much. Also don’t want to ignore.
not sure what other steps I can take at this point -
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