Home › Forums › How To Get My Ex Back › How can I get him back
- This topic has 4 replies and was last updated 3 years, 7 months ago by
Lane.
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Teff
For the past 3 months I was dating this guy who means the world to me, he became my bestfriend. Because I had alot of emotional thing so going on recently and it was taking a toll of my mental health he was starting to alert his own mental health. Before all this there was no signs of us breaking up or anything to do with that. However my best male guy friend and is like a brother to me, who is going through his own break up with his finace deleted everything except for snapchat. So I was contacting him on that… I had to always just for my sake and his tell him that that guy who is like a brother is going through his break up with his ex fiance plus all I was only doing was messaging and showing him things about D&D. Then out of the blue my ex boyfriend started using snapchat alot.. so my mind went to he was cheating and lying to me about it all. Last wednesday he decided to break up with me via text. Now im not that person to take it lightly nor am i the person to just leave it as is since i want to know the real reason behind it all. So i began .. my bestfriend got invloved and asked questions that he was happy to answer her and i found out some stuff i didnt know. mind you we only spent 1.5 maybe days together and it wasnt the whole “dating” movies, dinner, lunch, outings or trips. So i tried to explain that to him which i feel he still doesnt understand. I have given him a couple of days space as he requested and wants to be friends when im comfortable. However i feel if we worked things out fix the problems and work together we would establish a basic ground. I believe we still have something there or else he wouldnt be still caring aboout me , wanting to know my results and such. Help a girl out here please… i want to see if we can have another shot.. even if that means we become friends first and then try again…. but i believe we arent over.
Ewa
if someone breaks up with you over text do not give him another chance , move on with your life, he is not worth it…
and to be honest I still don’t understand why he broke up with you? how old are you ?Erin
Oh honey, I’m sorry that your relationship ended and you’re pretty much shaken about it
There’s a line on being friends after the breakup
“Because you can never go from going out to being friends, just like that. It’s a lie. It’s just something that people say they’ll do to take the permanence out of a breakup. And someone always takes it to mean more than it does, and then is hurt even more when, inevitably, said ‘friendly’ relationship is still a major step down from the previous relationship, and it’s like breaking up all over again. But messier.”
Which is basically what you are doing and you need to stop. You can always be friends later when you no longer have feelings for him.
If you have a shot at getting back this guy at all then you need to stop begging, bargaining or negotiating. He gave you a reason why, take it for what it is and learn from it. If you keep badgering him, it will just reinforce his decision to dump you and justify it.
Maybe you can text him something like
“Hey Sam, thank you for caring but right now I’m just not in a space to be friends,maybe in time I will be. Otherwise, all the best 😊.
Then you go into No Contact mode for as long as it takes you to work out your personal issues, to reset and reflect and find out who you are outside the relationship and hopefully be a better version of of yourself.
By no contact I mean no texting, calling, social media stalking or interaction, driving by his house, popping up in his neighborhood or ‘accidentally’ bumping into him at the grocery store.
Did I mention that him dumping you over text is a total douchebag move?
Newbie
There is a lot of your post i dont understand. Like what has the best friend got to do with your relationship. Who is the ex bf that you suspect was lying and cheating? Or is that the guy you were dating and felt he was cheating?
Then there is the biggest issue: what were your emotional issues and were you dumping that on the guy? I feel thats the real problem here. If youre dating a guy and act extremely emotional and maybe also clutch on to the guy, he might feel smothered real fast real bad. Rule for problems you have that cant be fixed: talk to your gf and just include the bf.
So that may have played a part in why he broke it off. But it doesnt matter why. He broke up with you, as in he doesnt want to be with you, and he did it with a text. If you have any feel of not putting up with cr/ap you would know you dont go pine for this guy. You move on.Lane
The only thing you can, and should do, at this point, is to pull way back, give him space, and focus on fixing your own problems, as they are yours to solve, not his. You are not in a good place, he’s not in a good place, and you are leaning on him too much to the point he feel’s suffocated by all your negative energy.
Until you to get to a better mental state you should not even consider dating, or being in a relationship. A man was not put on this earth to be your crutch, therapist, shoulder your burdens, or make you feel better when life throws you curveballs. You need to learn how to lean on yourself, fix your own problems, and not expect others to make you happy, as that’s your responsibility to bear. People eventually get tired of being under a ‘black cloud’ which is someone who is stuck in a rut, bemoaning and complaining about their miserable lives, yet doing nothing to change it. It gets old really quick.
A man should ADD to your happiness because you are overall ‘happy’ even when life gets rough because you are a strong, confident, independent woman who knows how to shoulder her own burdens, fix her own problems, and find her own happiness within herself. Be that woman, and you’ll have a man standing with you, not running away.
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