How can I tell him I hate his 'new look'?

How would you feel if you went out got your hair cut real short and dyed it red….then he reacted that way to you?

It’s hair! Suck it up for a few months. He will likely get bored of it and change it anyway. Or someone else like a male friend will make fun of it and he will change it on his own.

You are acting childish.IMO. What a bratty thing to do at bedtime. Like a petulant kid.

Hi Stephanie.

The best thing to do is to be direct and honest about it. My last guy use to wear a baseball cap all the time. I told him it would be nice to see you without it sometime, and he answered “I’m just so used to it that not wearing it feels weird.” On our next date he showed up with with a nice hair cut and no hat!

What I’m saying is that you shouldn’t be afraid to tell a man what you like or don’t like, as long as he’s capable of changing it, like a hair style. I would in a very calm manner tell him “I don’t like your new look. I originally thought you were joking around, but it obvious you aren’t. I really want my handsome attractive man back” and end it with a wink and a smile.

If he doesn’t change it then I might play the same game. Get some wash out hair color (like orange or blue), put some horrible make up on and see how he reacts when he picks you up for the nest date :-) If he makes a comment, then just return it “this is how I feel about yours”.

@ What you made some valid points.Regarding how the poster feels that is just the way it is. We all have preferences, and while we say we don’t want to change our men/women sometimes the styles they choose can be a turn off,that’s just human nature.

I would feel the same way as the poster if I didn’t find my guy’s style or way of dress appealing, not sure if I would have reacted the same way regarding the not wanting to be intimate with him part.

I can totally understand her point..

I think many women are totally unrealistic. Of course their man isn’t going to find them as attractive of they’ve let themselves go. The “he/she should love me as I am” thing is ridiculous on both sides. There’s nothing sexist about it. I’d say the same thing to a man if he no longer was attracted to his woman.

Wait… Is it a Mohawk, a mullet, or a mushroom cut? Because I’m pretty sure the advent of punk is over, mullets are just an abomination, and you’re not dating an 8th grade boy who’s doing turns on a half-pipe. JK. Kind of.

It’s tough, though. There’s only so much you can do to express it. Ultimately, you have to decide if it’s a dealbreaker for you. You can’t exactly expect someone to change something on THEIR OWN body, unfortunately. But you can try and persuade him in a loving way. My boyfriend hates when I wear headbands (to pull back my annoying and unruly curly hair when I don’t feel like straightening it). But he prefaces it by saying, “You’re always beautiful. I’ll love you no matter what you wear on your head, but it IS an old style.” Fair enough. I wear headbands only half the time now, and got a keratin treatment to stop my hair from being Miss Frizzle.

And What… I see your point. But please dig back the past few months. It’s not just about Mike wanting a certain “look.” It’s not about a battle of the sexes. I rest my case.

I think in a healthy relationship you should value your partner’s happiness enough to maintain whatever initially physically attracted them. Of course people age and what not but I look at it as my duty to physically appeal to my partner. I want him happy. As long as his wants are reasonable and I don’t feel I’m compromising myself in anyway or doing something stupid or I deeply disagree with, I don’t mind. I’m not saying extremes like hair length, and color, or plastic surgery but just basic presentability. Many people refute these things because they view it from an egotistical/pride or control perspective rather than an easy appeasement. I do think how the request is delivered is most crucial. It should be said in an encouraging way instead of dictated. But the truth of the matter is that my partner is a reflection of myself. I would value him enough to make efforts to make him “look good” AND feel good *again, within reason* about the way I look/am presented, so I expect the same in return. It’s life! Society is visual and how you look absolutely correlated to how you’re received and perceived.

I second what Jenny said, almost to a T. My ex was in a similar situation, and just hung around his house and played video games in sweats, because he didn’t have to do anything else. He just did not care about his appearance, probably because his childhood had been all about keeping up appearances and he was feeling rebellious in his 20s. We were together for a long time, over 5 years, so it got to the point where I would pick out his clothes and tell him what to wear when I needed him to look a certain way for an event.

He got dragged to ALOT of greek events, where most of the other girls were bringing well dressed, fraternity boys as dates. I was in no way trying to change who he was as a person, but I just straight up told him that he needed to clean up or stay home. If the guy cares about you he will understand. My ex knew the whole time he looked like an idiot when we went out and I was all dressed up and he was wearing sweats, he just didn’t care. When I showed him that it was important to me, then he was more than willing to make occasional adjustments so he wouldn’t embarrass me on important occasions.

As a side note, I ended up breaking up with him due to an absence of ambition and goals, and not his appearance. Other than that there was nothing wrong with our relationship. I just can’t lay around all day and let my money collect interest. That bores me.

Did everyone miss the part where he joked with her TWICE that he would leave a bit on top and both times she told him that would be awful and please don’t, she joked she wouldn’t go out and be seen with him. He laughed it off, too. BUT then turned up with that hair cut/style? And he was surprised at your reaction?

I don’t see why if you’ve been together a year, in your 40’s and have a good relationship, that you can’t talk to him about it, nicely and in a joking manner.

Hi Stephanie-I am very “fashion forward” and own a retail fashion store. My last boyfriend wore old man pants/jeans and big shirts left over from the 90’s,he also was semi bald and had facial hair-which I usually hate. All of this mattered not a bit to me,I loved him and found him sexy anyway. If he were to have changed his style I would have dealt. I your case,I would just quit focusing on it/ignore it and see what happens. It was maybe unfair of him to change but I think you have to accept it or leave.