how can i wean myself off of him ?

well yes hurt in a sense of I keep dealing with the same type of guys meaning ” the ones that don’t want to commit”.

but on one hand I do appreciate that he isn’t being selfish in telling me not to date other guys. Is there a chance he will every want a commitment cause I know that with men if they are not happy with where they are in life the wont commit.

I know this is a very old post and the OP is probably no longer in this situation, but I stumbled on this thread because I googled “weaning myself off a relationship”.

Here’s the situation I’m in, after a long marriage and divorce I dated a man for eight months. It was fairly clear that we didn’t have a lot in common but we got on in some ways. He (legitimately) busy every other weekend so I wasn’t spending a huge amount of time with him. He unambiguously called time on the relationship and I accepted that decision as sensible, both in writing and face to face. So far so clear. We have been meeting up for the odd coffee and he came on a walking weekend with me where we shared a room and were intimate whilse making it clear that we both considered ourselves to be single and were not reigniting the relationship.

He has now started inviting me back to his place again, which I have refused. I am simply aware that if I spend a lot of time in the same room as him my hormones will be aroused and I’ll be in trouble. I think that we can remain friends but only if the contact is very very infrequent. I’m an older woman, I’ve had my kids so I’m in a very different stage of life.

I’m sorry, but I was really shocked and saddened by your post, OP. i don’t think either one of you is doing anything morally wrong. He has been honest with you in his speech and you should listen to what he is saying, but what he is doing is pretty unfair on both of you – he probably hasn’t acknowledged this to himself so I’m not judging him.

If I was in OP’s position, I would start getting him/myself used to the fact that I wan’t available all the time. Make plans with friends and family on regular night(s) each week, do regular exercise evenings, join a class in something, in other words practise expanding your social life outside the relationship.

The polyamorous amongst us might disagree, but on a biological level you cannot expect to be available to someone else if you are allowing a man to shower his pheremones all over you 80% of the time.

Once you’ve got this processed started (so that you both believe it is happening) I’d be very clear to him about what you are doing and why. “I’m sad that you don’t want to be in a long term relationship with me, so even though I’d prefer to spend time with you, I need to wean myself off and prepare myself for a chance to meet someone else. It’s pretty scary, but that’s what I have to do.” Be prepared for him to try and reel you back in wil semi-promises. Don’t go for it. You may meet someone who is just as compatible and who happens to want the same thing that you do, don’t lose out on the opportunity to do that.

It may be that after a complete break and dating other people you end up together – you clearly like each other, but don’t f*ck with your mental and emotional health by holding out for that outcome – that way madness lies.

thank you for giving me the opportunity to write this out – it has helped me to clarify for me the action that I need to take in my own life, even though our situations and very different.

Wishing you all the best x