How could he give me this ultimatum?

My ex boyfriend and I were supposed to travel together this summer to give our relationship a new try. We have had a bad habit in the past that we’ve rushed into things (due to him moving very fast). This time, we said that we’d travel together for a while and see how it goes, but didn’t set a specific end date. He already had an itinerary and I would join him when he came to my country. As we’re both working freelance, we’re flexible.

First he didn’t want to be in touch before we met, which I was fine with. As the time of our meetup approached, we had the first hickups. Both times he broke up with me after a disagreement. He keeps saying he’s tired of taking my no’s. The second time in two weeks that he ended it over the phone, I didn’t cry and beg, but took his word for it. He coldly wished me well. Next day I got a message from him that he wanted to give me some presents that he had brought with him. As he was already in my country, I agreed to travel to where he was and give it a try.

He had prepared the hotel room beautifully with all the presents, but I was still in turmoil. He was very sweet, but when he wanted to take it further that night, I wasn’t ready for it. He didn’t accept this, and we ended up sleeping together. He was then unhappy that I wasn’t more into it. At that point I felt really bad. However, his birthday was coming up, and I had already booked a weekend at a nice place to celebrate him. We ended up going, but continued to have hickups.

He is usually very friendly with everyone he meets, but can also be quick to anger. Afterwards he will act like nothing happened and be back to his happy self. If I want to talk things over, he will sometimes dismiss me, saying he wasted too much time over the years with my circle talk and that I’ve had plenty of free psychiatric counselling from him. That I cause him so much stress and that I’m unbearable at times and the most demanding girlfriend he has ever had. Often things end up feeling unresolved for this reason.

Sometimes he says hurtful things and then he’ll switch back to a generic topic like nothing happened. When I go silent because what he says makes me sad, he will complain that I’m withdrawn. Sometimes he’ll bring up old conflicts from the past. But he’ll also shower me with compliments, and can be very attentive and loving.

The day before his birthday, we had another blowup, basically about him not wanting to wear a condom. He has not gotten tested after his previous relationship. He has this attitude that I’m a hygiene freak and too fright oriented. He begrudgingly agreed to wear one, but then things were already a bit off. He was angry by my lack of feeling, told me I had a dying fish stare and scolded me before going to bed, more or less breaking things off. I told him he makes me feel like the scum of the earth and he didn’t even object to this. Later, when I confronted him about it, he appologized though, and said he wanted to improve himself.

The next day was his birthday and I know this day is important to him. I didn’t want to leave on these bad terms, and so I tried to be nice and give him the birthday presents I’d prepared. After this, he was surprisingly warm towards me, just like nothing happened the night before. We continued our travels. However, once in a while he would mention how he keeps doubting that we will make it. But other times he’d talk about how we would travel back to his home country together and start our new life there.

I feel like our original idea of travelling together for a while without rushing it has turned into something else. That I need to either stay with him for his entire travels or that we will be over. For me, travelling together for weeks and months without a break is a bit much at this point. Especially as it’s his itinerary and his car, and I just came along for the ride. He likes to travel fast and his days are long, which can be overwhelming. He has been open to some of my wishes along the way, but has also reminded me how much he’s adjusted his travels just to accommodate me. I’ve suggested that he’d travel on his own for a while just to ease the pressure, but he sees this option as me fleeing real life and always wanting to live in a fairytale world.

It culminated when he wanted to travel on to a country which was recently listed by my country as a no go region due to the corona virus infection rate. This means my insurance doesn’t cover me and I will need to qurantine if I travel to other neighbouring countries. He has little regard for protective measurements like quarantine and hand disinfectants, and thinks that I’m making mountains out of mole hills. The day before he wanted us to cross the border I tried to air my concerns. He would have none of it. When I didn’t relent, he said I was about to make him angry with my fright talk. He then ended the conversation saying we should head out. He assured me he would stand by my side if I would get sick and drive me back to my home country if need be.

I thought I could make it to cross the border with him the next day, but it just didn’t feel right. I told him this, and said I wanted to meet up again in the next country on his itinerary which is deemed safe for travelling. For him, this meant leaving him in the lurch. He told me to either come with him or it would be over between us for good, and I should never contact him again. That I for once needed to step over my own shadow and not just flee whenever a difficult situation came up. In the end he drove off without me. A while after he left, he rang me. I’d forgotten a present from him in the car and he was willing to drive back and give it to me if I was prepared to continue with him. I declined. He said he would be prepared to resume travelling with me if I was willing to go to where he was within the next few days. If not, we would be over for good. I still can’t understand how he’s willing to drop me over this?

I know that there’s way too much drama, but I haven’t mentioned all the good times and all the kind things he does for me. He has also stressed that he’s aware of his flaws and wants to change for me. Would it be a mistake to meet up with him again?