How do I come out on top after a narcissist breaks up with me?

i myself is still healing after dating a narcissist, it is a deep one so i understand how you feel

this person tries to pull me back in for months now, i did however communicate with him as he is contacting my work, he even went as far as sending someone to be my friend/to go to my events so that person can report back to him, i organize events so i accept this person but was very observant and i found out about it but of course they deny it. this person also influence other people i hang out with which left me no choice but to cut all of them in my life. narcissist loves drama so dont be part of it, remove yourself from anything that binds you to that person.

i change home, number, finished my contract so i changed jobs, cut people in my life who have contact with him, i guess somewhat it works for now or maybe he found another supply

concentrate on yourself, on your job, im not suggesting to go on the dating scene again, i didnt do that yet as im not ready. heal yourself, it takes time, i know im also there.

I was with one for almost three years. All I really got were 2 STDs. He lied. He cheated. He was pathologically into porn and seduction , had folders of women’s breasts. A real sicko. When I was finally figuring it out my husband who had left me three years before after almost 40 years, returned and was pissed that I had a boyfriend This scared the crap out of the narc bf. He dumped me (I am almost 70) for a 20 year old but never admitted that the was with her or that he was dumping me. After his last contact, I went no contact. He lives in visual distance from me, but I avoid all but one or two eye contacts on the road. Didn’t answer door, or texts, blocked his emails, he got new ones, blocked them. He continued to test every now and then for 6 months and to knock on my door now and then. I was strong in no contact. Now hie is sending me love letters and poems and blah blah blah. How stupid can he be? Why would anyone take that back once you are out and it is clear how they are? No contact is great. You can have whatever relationship you want with them, all in the privacy of your own head.

If he’s a narcissist he won’t get it so you just really moving on and not even talking to his a$$ he won’t get either. But it will totally work for you. He doesn’t exist. Go w/ that. GL

Hi!!!

I wanted to respond as I broke up with my ex who also is a narc (Classic narc)…
We were ring shopping and buying a house together when I found out he was online dating looking for his “soulmate.”

I took a lot of crap from him but despise cheating. I broke up with him and He denied being online but said he wasn’t happy in years, I couldn’t make him happy, he realised he didn’t want a ready made family after being in my children’s lives for 5 years. He also said he couldn’t see himself raising a F’ed up kid the rest of his life (referring to my autistic child who has a high school job and is on the honor roll at school).

I blocked ex and since he has drug issue, started a rumor that I was dating a DEA agent (He had a tendency of ending things out of the blue, sleeping with someone else and crawling back days later and I knew he would never try to harass me if there was a DEA agent standing next to me). We have mutual friends and he dated woman after woman for 9 months before trying to subtly trying to get me back. That was 4 years ago and he still tries to get back with me from time to time.

I am now dating my current bf and we broke up due to my issues with my ex and bf getting diagnosed with cancer (On complicated message board) but made our way back to each other and I know bf would never do the things that my ex did. This is what helped me:

~I lived well, started running again and went out with my friends.
~I set new priorities: Work, friends, bf.
~I went to counseling.
~If I saw ex in the store, I smiled from ear to ear, said hello and kept it movin’
~I had to tell myself that not all men are the same, there are good men out there.
~I was single for a long time and made peace with myself; however; had issues with my current bf because when I was single I had no triggers. If I have one now I ask myself what did current bf do wrong? if the answer is nothing, I know my stress is my own and I have to deal with it without taking it out on him.

These worked for me. I would never tell my ex how bad he hurt me as he would beam and feel like big man on campus. I know what you’re going through and I wish you the best of luck!!!

Oh and to the others on the board who read my post about friends not liking my current bf…They met him the other day and they love him!!!!

Christy, I am very happy for you that you were able to move on and find a BF who cares about you and your kids.

O never understood those “breaks”. it is a new concept and a very manipulative one. You don’t break up for good, you want to leave the door open to come back as you are pleased. But the other person is left stressed out, waiting and hanging on and wondering what is going on, fearing the worst. But in reality, all those “breaks” are excuses to see what else is out there, to sleep around, to date. It is seldom due to lots of stress and too much work. Because when you are stressed you do want your partner to support you, to be there for you, you don’t want a “break” from them, i.e. as in no contact of any kind. You can say I’/d be busy this week and might not have time to meet, but you don’t ask for a “break”, especially if it means you that during this break time you consider yourself a free agent. If a man I was in asked for this type of a break, I’d consider it the end and would be working on myself to move on. I would not be open to taking him back easily, if at all. This is not what people do when they value their relationship and their partner.