Home › Forums › Decoding His Signals / How Does He Feel About Me? › How do I figure out his intentions?
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A.
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Jessica
I have gone out/hung out 3 times with a guy so far. He is 29 and I am a few years younger. On the first, we went out for drinks and apps and lasted about 4 hours. All we did was kiss goodbye but did not want to stop. On the second, we went to a movie and then we just kissed goodbye again. I was going out of town the next day and he wanted to see me before I left. We did text every couple of days while I was out of town for the holiday, asking what we did and stuff.
On the third, we had a pizza and movie night. We immediately started hooking up since we had not seen each for a few weeks. we went further and he did everything in a fast pace (ie taking off my clothes). I thought it was too fast so I had to slow him down and he said ‘whatever you want to do’. we barely watched the movie, but instead while eating we just chatted and snuggled on the couch. he asked to hang out a few days later. we are planning on hanging out tonight but we didn’t hang out on the weekend.
Based on this what are his intentions? Or should I wait a date or 2 before we have sex so I know what his intentions are?
Raven
Personally, I would wait… He’s way too fast.
alia
We know what his intentions are, very clearly he wants to get in your pants. Go out on a date, and cut the date short, tell him you have to get up early, and have him walk you home, but don;t have him come up. Then wait for another date, get to know him better. There is nothing wrong with hooking up, but it’s not what you want. Take it slow, there is nothing wrong with that either.
Ashley
wait until you’re ready. you will see his intentions by how long he wants to wait. if you hold off until you’re truly ready & you see him acting different or not talking to you as much, you will know he just wanted sex. if he is patient & a gentleman about not rushing into intimacy then you will know he is more about getting to know you than sex
Harley
Jessica…you’ve asked all these questions before .In a different way. respect yourself more. hold off on the sex. stop believing silly words from the guys.
WHY …could you not both make the last meeting/planned on meeting up. ..did not happen ???
CiCi
When you “hang out”, don’t accept a “date” at his place or yours. Suggest some other activity and tell him before hand that you can not go back to his place and that he is not coming back to yours (it can be for whatever reason like “I have to get up early”) Based on his reaction or willingness to hang out you after you tell him this you can probably make a pretty good judgement about his intentions. :)
STefanie
Jessica, until you learn to read men better… dial it way way back on the physical contact more than a simple kiss and hand holding. You’re diving in way too fast. You will get hurt over and over like this. Try the six weeks/six dates formula before anything goes past first base.
Jessica
Then what should I tell him that I want to go slower, but so I do not make him go running….
Raven
If he goes running, there’s your answer & if he does, he’s a cad…
Harley
Tell him nothing…Show by your actions. ..no home dates…no heavy petting. ..no taking clothes off.
alia
What if he goes running? Big whoop, it’s his loss. And if he does go running, you will have your answer. Tell him exactly how you feel. Tell him, I am not ready to go further with physical affection unless I get to know you better, meeting you outside of our homes, and do things together. I would like to date you and develop our acquaintance.
alia
what Raven said.
talllady
Men will push for the sexual part, that is what they do. He is not a jerk – and I am surprised everyone is characterizing him that way. That is not fair.
As to intentions, I suggest that you generally talk about what you are looking for. A simple, what are you looking for right now will suffice. And make it clear you only get sexual with men who are your boyfriend. Explain what you are looking for. If there is a disconnect, then exit. What you want to hear is – I am looking for someone special. No version of casually date….
As to 6 weeks and first base? I am not on board with that, but I also explain that I don’t sleep with someone who is not boyfriend, so we round the bases as we get to that….
alia
Who is characterizing him as a jerk? He is not a jerk.
Stefanie
Tall, I didn’t say or imply that he is a jerk.
What I meant by 6 weeks/6 dates was you don’t get too sexual too fast. I didn’t mean don’t touch him at all for that period. It’s been working very well for me. I will hold hands or kiss a man within a few dates if it feels OK.
By 6 dates or 6 weeks, you have a pretty good idea of who he is and what he wants without having to ask, you’ve had enough time to observe him. Given all the stories I read about girls who get sexual within 3 dates and get ghosted, I recommend trying it.
I understand all will not be on board with this idea, but it wouldn’t hurt a lot of the population here to experiment with it.
Jessica
Also just the fact that he is really cheap (no dinner date yet) and is pushing me to have sex is just a major turn off. Do you think I could appear to lose interest and then he might ask if something is bothering me
Stefanie
JESSICA. Get a grip. Why are you wasting your time on someone who is a cheapskate and pushing you to have sex??? You don’t need it. Don’t just “appear” to lose interest. Dis-appear. Yesterday. I’m going to be a little harsh and say that if you keep this up knowing what you know about him, you’re going to deserve what you get. DO NOT hang out with guys who do things that are a major turn-off. Major turn off means either you warn him or you’re out of there, or you’re just out of there. In this case, you should just go. And raise your self esteem. This is low value behavior.
CiCi
Well I’m glad that it seems like you are thinking things through more clearly. However, OMG no dinner date yet, he’s cheap and you are considering sex???! lol Sounds to me like a guy who is putting in the lease amount of effort to try to get what he wants (sex). Of course I could be wrong. Guys do what they want. I had a guy like this that just wanted to go for drinks and not put forth any effort. When I said something he was like “this is the best I can do” I asked “If I was Jessica Biel would you take me on a date?” He was like “well…yea” So there was my answer and I had no interest in him since.
Now, you have only been on 3 dates we don’t know if he’s a lazy dater or not yet but I’m just letting you know that you could be wasting your time here. Since you haven’t been out to dinner yet I wold suggest going to dinner (again without going back to each other’s places) and seeing how that goes.
Good luck!!
CiCi
* least amount of effort. Uggh that darn auto correct!!!
Harley
Jessica. ..at the risk of bring called cruel as usual. ..you had all these problems months ago. You do not appear to have effectively learned how to date guys imo….or death with your self esteem/respect. . have you Googled many articles and bought books to help empower you ?
Harley
Dealt…not death. being ….not bring
alia
So you want to do a “fade” on him? How about you are upfront and use words. It will be better for everyone involved.
Stefanie
FYI, I’m older than you and I have lot less patience for BS. Guy tries to get me into bed without so much as buying me dinner??? No way. After 3 dates, that’s enough of my time spent, in my book. Up to you if you want to take the hard line or do as Cici says and give him another chance. But I’d put money on it won’t work out. He’s already telegraphed his intentions pretty clearly. I could be wrong. Let us know.
talllady
Jessica,
I am going to what feels like harsh here, so please be warned. That is a game, and the fact that you are considering it means you may not be mature enough to be in a relationship. If you cannot communicate what you want, and what you don’t want, then you should not be dating.
If he is cheap – don’t date him. If he is pushing for sex – don’t date him. It is not a game where you try to get a response that he changes, he is showing you what he wants to give you.
You need to have an adult conversation about what you are both looking for, not a home visit. Then decide. Compare what he says to what you want to hear. And share what you want.
The cheap stuff does not go away, the pushing for sex may slow down if you simply say. I only sleep with men who I am growing a relationship with. We can decide that together, but I do not want to push that until we are both ready.
Raven
Reading now that he’s cheep & pushing for sex, I’d end things now, quickly.
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