How do I get my coworker to ask me out?

You don’t, He’s a co-worker…

I have a few thoughts:

1. Raven is right. It’s usually not a good idea to date co-workers. There are exceptions, but it’s risky. It would be very awkward if you broke up.

2. You don’t know this guy! You don’t know his name, even. You’ve spoken briefly a few times. If he’s driving you crazy, it’s because you’ve built up a fantasy in your head about how he is as a person. He could be a total jerk. Good looking perhaps, but still, he could be a jerk. So stop building him up in your head.

3. You can’t manipulate someone into asking you out. Someone asks you out because they feel interest in you and sense the possibility of connection.

Having said that, if you want to get to know the guy, talk to him. Introduce yourself. Ask him his name. Ask him about what he’s working on. Treat him like any other new person in the office. If you’re super friendly with everyone, what’s holding you back? Just act normal and get to know him a bit. Maybe go for lunch and coffee if the vibe is right.

If there’s a connection and mutual interest, then the possibility of dating can be considered later. I don’t recommend it, but I don’t see how you’re going to go out with someone whose name you don’t even know, and have hardly spoken to. So start talking to him when you see him around, be friendly and take it from there.

Certainly you can find out his name from someone at work. Then stalk him on social media to make sure he doesn’t have a girlfriend or fiance who may indeed be the reason he’s not asking you out!! And I must say I have to second everyone’s advice to NOT date a co-worker!! And totally agree that pretty much 98% of the most gorgeous guys I was infatuated with turned out to be major A-holes who were stuck up, thought they were better than everyone else and totally obnoxious to be around!

Talking from first hand experience, DONT DO IT! It’s really not worth the fallout, whether he rejects you outright, or if you end up dating and eventually breaking up. Breakups are hard enough, just imagine trying to get over someone while you have to see them every single day. Plus, you could be putting your reputation at risk. I know having a work crush can be fun sometimes, but you need to just leave it at that.

haven’t been heavily flirting, will continue to not…. we just talked about nothing by the coffee for a few minutes yesterday… i ended the conversation before he could in an attempt to not look needy.

im not going to find out his name unless he tells me – asking another coworker is not my style. nor is stalking online. sorry if i made that confusing, i wasn’t asking for advice on that, just giving the background that we’ve literally just met. to a different point- i’ve heard if a a guy is decent he’ll try and figure out your relationship status before he asks you out out of respect/to make sure he’s not going after a taken gal. i just need to wait for him to do that and go on living my life in the meantime. if he asks for my name/relationship status then i’ll know i’ve got his interest:)

I was working in a time in history, pre-internet, where meeting a person at work was acceptable. Don’t go crazy and fondle their genitals in the break room but some mild flirting isn’t bad. I know several couples who met at work and have long term relationships. I won’t lie I also know if a few couples that worked together and broke up in a messy fashion.

You don’t know his name, does he know yours? I’m the break room compliment him on his humor, fashion, hair, etc… Nothing over the top, don’t tell him he’s gorgeous. Light contact, like touch his wrist or forearm while laughing at something he said.

Some social media investigation might also help.

Did you at least get his name? You are posting on a relationship forum about a guy you just met and how  this guy was driving you crazy, and wanted to know how to keep from going crazy until he asked you out… yet want to argue you’re not building stuff up in your head? Ok…right. And you’re updating almost a month later about this same guy yet don’t care if he never asks you out? Ok. Sorry if I’m not buying what you’re selling. You’re trying to strategically end interactions first, make him work harder to get your attention, but you could care less if he asks you out. Does that even make sense to anyone else? If you didn’t care you wouldn’t be posting this update…sorry but it’s the truth!!

I like to read updates. Sounds something very promising is going to happen

Anna – good call, never hurts to have to reminder (plus for anyone reading this too). i get the vibe that he’s single, but next time i’ll def check for a ring and i would def never get into anything with any man until 1 i knew for sure he’s single and 2 i felt completely comfortable with it:) i am so sorry that happened to you – if you start a thread let me know here. i’m sure others would love to hear your story so they can learn.

i know virtually nothing about him which, i find very appealing. the whole excitement thing. that was only the third time we’d spoken (he’s spoken to me every time im on my own, i’m usually with someone since again, as i said, i have no problem talking to people). it took ish-a month for me to come back here to this post bc i’ve been living my life and dating in the meantime:) he really did drive me crazy at first, but i had kind of forgotten about him til he came up to me the other day.

newbie, i’ll keep you posted then:) i believe in kindness, curiosity and helpful feedback – for those who find this post “crazy” or silly or whatever- my question is, who, exactly, is holding the gun to your head making you come back here? and better yet, taking the effort to POST on here? stings a little to have someone hold a mirror up in front of your face doesn’t it? :)

xoxo

addy

aaaaaaand he asked me out:) we were having the dumbest conversation ever and he invited me out for coffee:) So much of the advice out there is right, if he really wants to see you he’ll find an excuse. excited:) have a nice weekend everyone:)

You guys still together? The advice most people gave on here was ignorant. I work with a total of maybe 18 people; and I’m about to ask my coworker out. We always have short silly conversations, but everytime we walk by each others departments, we always have a conversation with our eyes! Sorry I was looking for advice and stumbled upon this lol

Josh and Alexis – this post is going on four years old. People are long, long gone. Sometimes people come back and update a few months later but never years later.

Josh – if you are preparing to ask someone in your office out and there are only 18 of you there and it doesn’t work out between the two of you, you’ll find the advice given here wasn’t so “ignorant.” I’ve dated people I worked with on three occasions and in two of them where I had to see that guy all the time after it didn’t work it, it really sucked and contributed directly to my finding employment elsewhere to get away from the discomfort. (The third time it was a huge company and he was in another department in another building so no issue.)Speaking from experience and not “ignorance” I would tell anyone in a smaller company to avoid dating co-workers if you like working there.