How do I know I'm dealing with a narcissistic man?

You met a guy, you’re seeing red flags. Why haven’t you left him in your dust?

People can exhibit narcissistic behaviour without being a narcissist, diagnosed or not. what kind of red flags are you trying to “have empathy” for?

IMO, a red flag is a red flag, empathy or not. It’s an indication to exit the relationship. You can be empathetic AND end the relationship, it doesn’t have to be one or the other.

I agree that if you see red flags early, don’t ignore them or make excuses to question them and stick around. Figure out the kind of relationship you want and that works for you. Hopefully that’s not a situation of red flags?

To answer your question though, the biggest sign of actual narcissism is a complete lack of empathy for other people. There’s just a total automatic disregard in all circumstances, since others exist as an extension as an extension of the narcissistic and not as their own individual people. Someone on the spectrum can miss social cues and may need things very clearly spelled out, but they can empathize, feel bad, and re-consider things and change their approach for next time if told they unwittingly did something that bothered the other person. A true narcissist will only change their approach if they believe it will make it easier to control the other person to get their own needs met. It’s not about the other person’s feelings at all. Narcissists also tend to target people with high empathy (and weak boundaries) since they’ll be more likely to tolerate red flags, as they try to explain them away, and be more giving and stick around in response.