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Cherry.
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Cherry
Hello ladies. I’m 22. This month I’ve been seeing and having sex with a guy, who has been my friend for some months. In the beginning, he said that we couldn’t date immediately since there was the issue of me having dated his friend a year ago. I didn’t mind us being f*** buddies since I didn’t want to push him to date a girl who has dated his friend in the past. Also, I didn’t think of the consequences of being in a situationship (my bad). So, while hanging out during the weekend, I raised the question of what our status was and he spoke so heatedly of how we should just see how things go. Also, he told me to just ‘give him time’ to find the courage to date me. Mind you, I hadn’t even asked for him to date me.
I won’t even ask your opinions on if he is ever going to date me because I know you will all tell me that he won’t & that he is using me for sex. (I feel like crying). Anyway, I don’t want to feel this disturbed anymore, so I guess the best but hard thing to do is to break off things with him. And this is where I’m seeking your advice because I’ve never had to do it and I don’t have the courage to do it coz he might sweet talk me. How do I find the courage to break things off and stay strong with my decision without backsliding ??? How do I break this situationship with him in a mature manner with no drama or animosity???
Thanks for reading. Thanks for your opinion.Gaia
You are the only one who can put up boundaries and not allow this to go on. If you truly want to end this you will. No sex, no calls, no “friendship” until you are well and truly over him. He has been clear. As others point out here often, believe the negatives. If he wanted to date you, he would. Right now, he has made it clear you don’t have a label, he doesn’t want one, and it’s a load of B.S. that he is giving you that he needs the “courage” to date you but has no problems taking your clothes off. He’s a waste of time and he is wasting yours.
KarinaDogLover
Hi Cherry,
You two are not in a relationship, so why do you need to “break things off” in an official way? As long as you stop having sex with him then you two are not “f*** buddies” anymore and you are out of this “situationship”. It is that simple, no? You don’t owe him an explanation.
Seriously, he minds dating you because you dated his friend a year ago but he doesn’t mind having sex with you? What kind of hypocrite is that? You dated his friend is just an excuse he uses to convince you that the problem comes from you. Actually, what he means is you are only good enough to have sex with but not good enough for him to date you. I don’t even think he qualifies as a friend, or he is just a very bad friend.
just walk away. He dosen’t deserve another minute of your time.
tammy
why would u get involved with such men? if its just sex, cant you find other men? am sure casual sex with no commitments or fwb arrangements should not be that diff to find for a 22 year old. first you say its ok for you being casual with this guy. now your writing all that drama. am sorry but why get into such situations in the first place? and whats the big deal in walking away from things which did not even begun?
T from NY
No man uses you for sex unless they lie repeatedly about your status or mislead you in some way. Women need to take ownership of the relationships they engage in. We are powerful in choosing. This man has made it clear to you he doesn’t see you as a girlfriend. I used to live in fantasy relationships as well until I adopted a radical self love program – therapy, exercise, meditation, reading, reading, stillness, less dating. BELIEVE ME – when you love yourself sufficiently you NEVER play with tepid men or remain in situations where someone is not investing in you reciprocally. You just wouldn’t allow the pain, frustration or choose to spend your energy that way. Get to lovin you better
elvira
Hi Cherry
Sorry you are going through this. I agree with Karina that you really can’t break up but you can stop the cycle. I do feel that because you state you are friends a short simple explanation to him would benefit you.
If you are now feeling that you prefer more than a FWB situation it is perfectly normal to say “listen when we first started I was OK with something casual given the circumstances, however after spending time together I am now feeling I would like more and if that is not where you are with me, then I am walking out of this “situationship” because I deserve/want more”. Once you say the words your mind will realize that despite how much you like him you need to stand by your decision.
This is the confidence a man needs to see…not a woman who goes with it just because she is afraid of losing him. If it is meant to be it will be, it is better to stand tall now versus years from now.Oyinkansola
Hello I’m 21 years. I started dating my bf this February although I knew this guy is not serious with the two girls he his dating but when he toasted me he promised to change and that he has not seen the girl he loves deeply that’s why he has been playing games before I later accepted but this guy still cheated on me openly he his selfish he satisfies himself first unlike me I do everything to makes him happy
Now he does not really text me until I do so I feel he doesn’t love me anymore but most of his friends do advice me to be patient that he his going to change whenever I think about this I do cry everyday cos I don’t have anyone else pls advice me should I continue with the relationship m tired but I love himRaven
Oyinkansola, How can you ‘love’ a guy who treats you so horribly?
Erin
Cherry
Since this is not a relationship there is no need to break up, you cannot just distance yourself from him.
But if you want to name a ceremony out of it just say, I’ve come realize that you I want different things and I no longer wish to continue with this arrangement. Take care
Erin
Oyinkansola
Just leave this assclown, have enough self respect not to take such treatment from a man who claims to ‘love you’ and his friends are just as complicit for giving you hope when they really know there is none to be had.
Cherry
So I told him via text that I have decided to quit the situationship.
And he threw in the I love and feel for you card. He is saying that I’m pushing him away and that he won’t leave.He says that he didn’t plan on rushing into dating me yet all I asked is that he stops stringing me along.
Anyway, I’ve read your comments. And I now see that he is a big hypocrite for telling me how much he loves me yet he finds it hard to date me.
He has texted me to tell me that he will show up in my place in the evening and I will use that as an opportunity to show him how much I’m disinterested in him.
AngieBaby
LOL – you don’t tell someone you’re disinterested, you show them by not responding to them any longer.
As long as you’re still talking to him or responding to him in any way, the message you’re sending is you are interested and hooked in.
You said your piece, now block him and don’t respond and eventually he’ll go away. He’s testing you to see if you mean it. Any response means you don’t mean what you say.
Cherry
Thanks @AngieBaby
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