How do I make my intentions more clear?

You’re right – he’s not into you and you can recognize that. Why push it further? Ghost him. You deserve better than accepting breadcrumbs.

Another question would be, what exactly are your intentions? You need to sort them out clearly first before you can communicate them clearly. But if you want an actual relationship and not casual sex, he doesn’t sound like your guy. There don’t seem to be mixed signals from him around that.

He sounds quite creepy tbh. You deserve better than a “dick in your hand” Jeez

I was going to reply one by one here but since everyone is in agreement (including myself) thought it would be better for a general reply. I knew what I was advancing for sure, and didn’t see this end up being a relationship even from our very first phone call, but I did expect some human respect to respect here?? We had nice moments together in the 24 hours we spent, but the negging comments he makes, to just having no human decency towards me at all (I don’t even think he actually LIKES me) confuses me. I get the NSA sex part, but thought he had some type of fondness for me after talking to each other for 2 and a half months. Some of his comments were complete and utter jerk level type which on top of the few nice moments made my head wanna go into a spiral.

I told him from the get-go I was looking for a connection, but its clear of how we have only seen each other 3 times in a two month span this is not at all what I want, especially since I am def seeing the real him shine thru here. I bet he can become more romantic and whatnot with a girl he likes, but these lowkey bullying comments he makes (he’s trying to be playful) is just borderline cruel and not flirty. He also has told me about another girl he has made cry in the past from his lowkey roast-y comments, and the sharing of stories imo has gotten to be too much. After sex in addition to that pizza comment, he also randomly said how he “thinks I would be good in a threesome.” According to him, I don’t give off that vibe that I would become jealous or “clingy”. I was shocked. So now I think I know his agenda with me, and that at some point he’s going to attempt to pitch a threesome which is why I’ve been stuck in this loop.

I accidently left my shorts behind at his house (not done on purpose) so planning to tell him I will pay for postage and if he could mail them to me that would be great. I don’t want him to think I only did that so I could see him again, genuinely they got thrown behind his bed.

I for real just don’t understand some of his comments. He tells me how he thinks I am very attractive and hot, yet says these borderline insults to me. I know he has talked to younger girls in the past too and I think he leans towards that cause the younger girls won’t speak up to him about any of this? Yes, I am listing red flag after red flag here. He also randomly went on a rant to me about his classes two days ago (I never asked him anything about them) and he randomly texted me “Can assure 0 bitches in my classes.” I was appalled. So mad he was referring to women like this. What did he even mean by it?? like?? Supposed to make me feel better???? No idea. And he keeps telling me how he needs to meet people at his new school, and I am ready to be like “Yes join the clubs. and Good luck!”. What does he expect me to say to like ANY of these comments????????

Sorry thanks for the rant. Half of me feels dumb for letting his comments get to my brain but another part knew I was very physically attracted to him and just wanted to put up with it for a night of fun. I just want the shorts back and now don’t want to entertain whatever this was/is any further (or any casual thing for that matter).

Some men have no respect for women, and some people have no respect for other people. It’s nothing you did, and it’s not more complicated than that. He just sounds toxic, and after you get your shorts back, go no contact with his @$$. You had higher hopes, but he doesn’t deserve your time, or sex. You’re not stupid. Now he’s shown you who he is, so you know you’re not missing anything except insults and manipulation. He’s trying to pull the whole, you’re a cool girl and not like the other girls, so that you don’t speak up or challenge him and he doesn’t need to put in effort. You’re probably onto something about how he targets younger women for a reason.

I believe you had a nice time with this man until he started disrespecting you by talking about other girls he had been with in the past and their sexual locations. He also did not seem very considerate of your feelings, in general, such as: are you hungry, may I get you something to eat or drink that morning. I believe you sound very wise and know what you do not want in a man, is it someone like him? Please do not be confused about this guy, and let him know what you do not care for in him. This way he can understand your relationship.
Best of luck to you! Carrie

I do not understand how in one breath you can say you slept with him nsa and then you are confused when you are treated as nta. He did nothing wrong. You are a hot mess by saying one thing, acting on one thing and then being confused why you are treated exactly as could be expected from the one thing. If you have a sex with a stranger, they are that, a stranger. That is the whole darn
point…if you want to be treated with respect, wait until you know someone or walk away when they don’t. He did not owe you the boyfriend treatment when he was a friends with benefits. You could have just said… I know we are casual, please don’t tell me about other women. You acted casual, he treated you casually. Stop blaming him.

Hey this thing is done and dusted. Move on. You slept with a man you went out wid casually. You just wntd to get out of ur secual hibernatn. You did just that! Now move on. About ur shorts, its just a pair of shorts. Easily replaceable. Forget it. Nxt time if you luk for some sort of relatnship, do get to know the man well and his thots on relatnship, whether hes open to it. Dont sleep too soon till you know that your expectations wrt relatnships somewhat match.

A… there is no shame in sleeping with anyone early. However, when you do that, you dont know them. Period. having any expectations of what a person will do is misplaced. It is not his job to treat her well.

It is her job to walk away when he doesn’t. If you want to be respected, respect yourself by walking away and communicating your needs. From what I can tell, she is not owning any of her experience… from lying to herself about being ok with casual, to not communicating her needs, to staying with someone who is not being respectful. She is no victim and it does not serve her to tell her she is.

Wow I did not expect these additional replies. I’m the one that promoted to stay over his place for sure, and I have said multiple times in this thread I do not regret sleeping with him. I just have had other casual relationships where the man just does not “talk at me”. He has no consideration of my feelings whatsoever. Also the “other” women were from up to five years ago, nothing he was doing recently. I slept with him cause I knew he wasn’t a liar, although he just rattled off too much of the truth and had no filter. We only saw each other 3 times in two months like I said, talked in some form everyday, and we weren’t much of anything. I also did NOT leave my clothing behind on purpose, and felt more stupid about that than anything else. He made a lot of negging comments, and overall made me feel bad. I’m sorry but its possible to have casual sex with another person and not treat them rudely. I don’t think because he didn’t wanna “pursue” me, that means I should just accept plain, old rude behavior regardless. I understand where you’re coming from Tallspicy for sure, and I should have at least spoken up more that I did not like some of his behavior and had some self respect. I never thought once it would escalate into romantic territory, I thought it could’ve been more fun and light than this. That was all! It’s done.

I would just be looking forward to your new adventure in NYC. When a guy disappoints… (unless you both are in love) don’t speak up, just lean back and focus on yourself. Be true to yourself and let the universe throw you another.