How do I NOT text the guy that is giving me the fade out????

I wish we had a Hall of Fame category for threads, as this one is jam packed full of good advice, wisdom and support.

Hugs to you Betty. I’ve been where you are, and for me, deep down, it was all about rejection. It had nothing to do with the guy himself.

Hugs….. and to you wise women who have posted here: You are all amazing human beings. Thank you.

Ann,
We love you too <3

Thank you Ann;)

Okay so another update. I decided to be true to what is right for me and my emotions. This passed weekend it was eating away at me so much. All I could think about was “don’t text, don’t text, don’t text” Thought maybe this was a game of “who can wait out the other” out of stubbornness first.

So I broke the rule.

I texted.

However I felt it was a very tasteful and mature text just stating that after all this time togetehr I had just hoped he would respect me and give me a mature conversation simply so I can get clarity on how we went from one day talking about meeting friends and family and him wanting to buy me something pretty to show how much I meant to him, to complete zero contact.

It has been two days since I asked this and still have yet to hear back. However I myself feel much better on the fact I have said my peace and essentially threw the ball in his court.

At this point, if I don’t hear from him it shows his true immature character and a side I really don’t want to be with. So I am at peace with that, even though rejection stings, and I wish I at least had an answer to what went wrong as I was COMPLETELY blindsided by this ghosting. There is not much more I can do at this point but try and move on.

Even though part of me really just wants to show up and egg his car… I am a better person then allowing my angry emotions to take over.

I know… Some may see it as weak. But I guess at this point it was for my own sanity.

This whole situation is still an open wound for me and I’m trying my best to heal it. All the advice on here has been beyond helpful. I’ve re-read a lot of posts and it helps during those moments when I need it most. Sometimes things are so much easier said than done. I feel I’ve ALWAYS been strong during breakups and even handled rejection with dignity. But I have never been rejected in this way and this site makes me realize it (unfortunately) happens a lot more than I would have ever thought and it really is the worst way (I think) because you are left with so many questions. I get it after a few dates, even a few weeks, but after half a year of dating and years of friendship before? That’s just a slap in the face.

Sorry for releasing my bitterness on here but it really does help to vent. Even if it is to total strangers.

@ Phillygirl I really agree with what you just said.

Betty in time I hope you heal from this and take a lesson from all that has happened.

Keep in mind that I have been in similar situations as you so, I speak from the heart and experience.

No one said this was easy but, in closing keep it classy and the last shreds of your dignity intact when it comes to this man.

Take care.

To Phillygirl and Khadija,

What would be emotional harm to Betty because she sent that last text if it helped her to find peace?

If looking at this as her way of closing it, then good for her! To be honest, if she was rejected, she was already rejected, the last text did not give him another chance to reject her again, nor to disappear any more than he already did. What he decided is already what he decided. Her text was a way for her to really confirm it so she can move on.

Sometimes we focus too much on the game of what others perceive us that we lose sight on what is helpful to ourselves.

Betty, I get it. It’s not easy being strong when it feels as if your heart has been yanked out of your chest. Perhaps what he is going through has nothing to do with you AT ALL! It could be related to some insecurity issues within himself. I’ve been in a relationship for eight months now and believe me when I tell you that we have “roller coastered,” up and down like you would not believe. My man has done everything from ghost on me to the silent treatment, to failing to call or text for days. I’ve tried every trick in the book to try and figure things out. I’ve read every relationship column, forum, news letter that you can think of and then some (by the way, I find that “Ask A Guy,” and that man who wrote “Men are from Mars… are the best relationship advisors out there). Sometimes I have been strong, other times I have been weak, texting and calling him. We’re HUMAN!

Though these women have given you some awesome advice, you have to decide for yourself what is the right thing to do. Sometimes you just have to send that text, even though it may net you nothing. Sometimes you just have to pick up the phone to get clarity especially if things have abruptly one-eightied in the opposite direction.

My relationship still has its challenges. I’ve been “SUPER WOMAN ON STEROIDS,” to try and keep the fires burning. I would tell you all that I have done for him and the relationship, but I don’t want to be up all night typing. Do I have any regrets? Not a one, because I love him. And that is something that I cannot control. If I could, I would. If you could control how you feel, you would not be on this forum seeking advice.

After all the begging and pleading with my boyfriend to remain consistent I got absolutely nowhere. Just more of the same. UNTIL, he said to me one day, “stop thinking for me. I hate when you do that! Stop assuming you know what I’m thinking or feeling because you don’t and you can’t! WOW! What an eye-opener! He’s right. I am not a mind reader. It’s foolish to assume anything about your relationship. We don’t know this guy–hell, we don’t know you. So, my response to my boyfriend’s plea was to just fall back. That’s it! To simply fall back and let him do the coming if that is something he wants to do.

You are trying to control the situation by thinking you can change his mind with a text or phone call to get him to open up to you. YOU CANNOT! He will do so–oh, and trust me, he’ll come around, they always do, in his own time. You CANNOT control that no matter how unfair it seems. All you can do is control how you react to things. It hurts like a hammer to the heart, but you have to just wait it out and hope for the best. In the meantime, get busy! Get healthy! Go on a platonic date. Maybe you’ll soon find that he’s not as important as you’re making him out to be.

P.S. One last thing, he never committed to you, so in all fairness you can’t hold him accountable for anything. My advice is to just to send him a casual, “wassup, how are you text?” free of all the whining and emotions. You’ll have a better chance of him coming around if he feels you’re not going to chop his b*** off for not having responded quick enough to you. Remember guys do not consider time the way that we do. One week for us is a day for them. So as far as he’s concerned, it’s just been a few days that he hasn’t seen or spoken to you. No big deal. LOL

BEST, Dee Dee

Hehe, if I missed all the points here, then I did, but I definitely didn’t miss any points with man I’ve dated except the first boy I went out with in Senior year in high school :-)

Girls, don’t over analyze things, specially don’t over analyze relationships. The dos and don’ts are guidelines, and you should do what’s best for you.

The bottom line for me is, first to have compassion and love for myself, to be thankful in my heart. Next, treat others as if I would like to be treated. If you stand on this fundamental ground, You WILL become happy and attractive.

I’m speaking out of 29 plus years of SUCCESSFUL dating and marriage since I was 17. Of course I’ve had my shares of tears and joy, high and low,and all the good stuff of life.

Enjoy the ride, the journey itself is way worth it. Don’t beat yourself up because you “think” you screw up. You are the only person who can truly reject yourself, not any man.

Wow reading the forum is amazing. I am experiencing the same thing. How is this possible. And I think mine is the player like Steve description. The sad thing is I’m so hung up on him still. I gave him the easy out and then he responded to that text saying it not me its him.i hoped he would have wanted me and not accept the easy out.

Betty,
I really glad that he actually responded back to you about this matter.
He has now made his choice and now you can move on.
Don’t even think about what he MAY DO months from now.
I’m sure you’ll find a guy that is ready for a relationship and won’t give you the run around about it.

Take care!

follow your gut. Ask him what’s up. You don’t know until you do.