How do I NOT text the guy that is giving me the fade out????

This was a really awesome post. I can relate to it in many, many ways (I got a 1-word response too and that almost hurt as much as him not responding). I really hate that we seem to live in an era where ghosting is the norm. When have we as a society deemed this acceptable? As a mother of two small boys, I will remember my dating pains and will try my best to teach them how to be gentlemen and how to communicate and be upfront with women. It hasn’t always been like this.

And you ladies gave some AWESOME advice, but with something like this, I think we need to experience the trials and tribulations first-hand in order for us to learn. I could have read this post 2 weeks ago, yet I still would have texted him because I don’t care what you say, I NEEDED THAT CLOSURE FOR MYSELF. And I got it, but it was on my watch and standards, not anyone else’s.

Betty along with me and others will look back on this post, and just shake our heads and say, “Yup, they are 100% correct. I will never put myself in that situation again.” But we had to go through it ourselves first before we could get to that conclusion.

I drove myself crazy over-analyzing and pining over a guy that at the end of the day did not want me. I will NEVER put myself through that BS again. I am awesome, it’s not my fault he didn’t see that.

Ok…I am wondering what the pay off is here. Usually humans do things that feel good and have a reward.

Running after some gizmo guy who is not into you is not rewarding. Stop doing it.

Do you also write to Brad Pitt your undying love and hope the fact he does not respond to mean he secretly adores you but is waiting for Angelina to move on first?

We have to know when hope can lead to something and when it is just wishful thinking…

Think about this really…if we have one person who wants a relationship and another who does not guess who always wins…yep, the person who does not want the relationship…they get their way…that is reality. See it, feel it, embrace it and do what you gotta do to move on. It is not working out and is not meant to work out. Probably for your good too.

When I know it’s not going to work out with someone, I just drop them. No texting, calling, anything. But that’s just me. I don’t even bother.

When a guy wants to be with you, nothing will hold him back. He will pursue you, let you know he wants to be with you, and let his actions back that up. If he’s doing none of those things, why fret?

I’ve seen too many women obsess more over men who don’t care than men who actually do. Start paying attention to the signs. Know your worth. When you do, ambivalent guys won’t even faze you anymore.

Wow I must say I’m so glad I came across this post, Betty thank you and it’s been months and would love to know what’s happening in your life now. Like many ladies out there I’m going through my own weird man crazy situation where his not into relationships but decided he must kiss me and of course I allowed it and he wanted to keep us a secret until I found out he was keeping another lady a secret as well and he recently stopped it cause he didn’t want to hurt our friendship. I decided enough is enough and not texted him today, has been hard not to think of him but when I do think I have a song pop in my head with the words “I don’t care” besides not like his going to care to text me first. If it wasn’t for this post I think 7am this morning I would of texted him and would of seen desperate and needy but I’m smiling now cause I feel strong, brave and I respect myself even more ?

Mermaid, I would like to suggest something and I mean it in the most respectful way, and it is only my opinion…based on what I would do. I think you should become very clear why you are online and what you are looking for. And then stay focused on that and set very clear boundaries. Are you looking for a hook up? Its fine if you are, but be able to admit it to yourself. A man that behaves that way is looking for a hook up. Are you looking for a relationship? If you are, become very choosy and disregard any men that behave how that one did. Insist on certain behavior from men and learn to walk away from those that do not measure up.
Also, I think you should never give a man a second thought unless you meet. No one is real until you meet. Believing this made online dating incredible easier for me. Consider learning to become much less affected by dates.

Oh betty
Look at the responses! I really hope everyone helping and giving you strength

Guys are hard to understand and women we ‘feelings’ and we just can’t help that.
Men and women are programmed differently. In many respects I think that females strong feelings give them a lot more clarity in what they what.

For men sometimes I think the lack if these very strong feeling can leave them not knowing what they want and then not how to act. Leaving them desperately trying to keep their options open, hoping time with give them clarity.

In that time the poor women feels and know exactly how they, what they want and how they want the relationship to be.

Sensing the fade out I know it’s difficult to explain your feelings and clarity without looking desperate. You have clarity so you want clarity from him, seems to make sense.
All you want to know is where you stand, and if it has to end why? When you closure deal with the feelings and move on.

Thing is I think half the time guys are aren’t playing games they just don’t know what they want.

Every so often the guy gets hit with such a lighting bolt that it’s undeniably clear to them, when that happens it all goes off big style!! The thing is then the bolt has to light a fire that carries on burning!

Guys have got the bolt for me and some guys haven’t. Then sometimes the relationship carries on and the fire burns out
The only resolution I ever got was that it wasn’t my fault or under my control, who gets the bolt.

I think you need closure from him and you won’t get it guys never give it. They don’t have it to give, they don’t have full clarity over what they want. He probably can’t fully understands why he just hasn’t got the ‘feelings’ for such a great girl.

I would guess this confuses him

It always helps me to write a letter to the guy giving it my all, but don’t send it.
Post to to nowhere, just his name with no stamp or just leaving it the note book and bin likes it’s trash on day..I love it when they day comes.

Do not text…change his number into really good friends or better delete it. So if you get weak, you only text a friend, she text you back with love and lols.

Listen to all the great posting advise.
Xx

I dont know about you guys, or this whole trending thing about not texting or reaching out n some way. I dont get it and i think it is totally wrong to let someone slide without any explanation.

OK, they have been seeing each other for a while, it is not like a first date or second when people fade away and it is more or less acceptable. Betty, if you wanna text him I would email him instead and make it more about closure than asking him what happened (because obviously this whole silence behavior says it all).

I think a lot of women get mixed up about playing the same game of silence. STOP. STOP IT NOW. We Need to confront these kind of men that fade away with no responsibility no nothing and think that they can get away with such behavor. Again, I AM NOT SAYING TO ASK WHAT HAPPENED, BUT TO HONESTLY AND OPENLY STATE HOW DISRESPECTFUL AND DISGRACEFUL THAT BEHAVIOR WAS AND THAT YOU DONT APPRECIATE IT AND WONT TOLERATE SUCH A THING< AND YOU ARE OK TO MOVE ON. And you don’t need those kind of men anyways and THANK him for showing the true colors. And say bye to that little boy.

Ladies, lets be clear about one thing here: The reasons these guys are acting like we are a doormat and replaceable is because WE LET THEM. If you, your friend, she, her, they… all decide to let these men go away with this sloppy behavior, guess what? They will do this again and again and again to the next women.

SO NO, I dont agree that you behave exactly the same as he is behaving, meaning silent treatment. BUT you need to stand your ground and think really hard about tthe whole situation and whether you deserve to be treated like this. And then eventually send a closure email or text for your own good, and just to show who the bigger person is here.

I may have the most controversial advice here on this forum but I am sick and tired of this cultural thinking of playing the game or do to them as you they did to you. Grow a pair and act the lady that you are and remove men from your life that are not worthy in a classy and tactful manner and not the whole silence thing.

Peace.

This has happened to me before as well, NOT cool to be “ghosted” like that. My best tip is; write all the things you want to tell him, all the things you need to get out of your head.. But do NOT send it. If 24 hours later, it still seems like a good idea to send the message, then go ahead. But if you as much as change one word, you have to wait another 24 hours. Truth is, what you want to write him, in a moment of frustration, more than certainly won’t seem like a good idea after you’ve had some time to clear your head. :-)

All of these posts helped me so much. I’ve gone through the fade these past few weeks. Did my crying and think I am ready to move on. Betty, I would love to hear an update. Did he ever come back, and if so how did you handle it?