How do you get to know a guy better when you've only talked in person until now?

Hi Molly, You don’t get to know someone via social media. You get to know them by being in person with them…

He needs to ask you out…

I’ve found in my experience that if I’ve had to push after expressing some interest and taking some initiative (and it sounds like you tried to express interest by connecting), the guy just isn’t really worth the time. Maybe he’s oblivious to your interest, but most men with reciprocated interested in getting to know you will at least respond. So give him a chance to ping you back, but you can’t force the talking phase. When I kept pushing with guys like that, maybe we’d end up hanging out once or twice alone but nothing would ever happen and the guy would respond but never initiate, so it always fizzled out. Usually goes better when effort is more balanced from the start, so keep an eye out for someone who is more interested in you and doesn’t need to be chased down.

Sorry if this is harsh but.. his lack of response IS his response. You’ve reached out, technically twice now, once by adding him and then sending the funny pic. The ball is in his court. If he has known you a few years and was into you, I feel like he would’ve jumped at the chance when you made the first move.

Question out of curiosity.. if you know him in person and know he’s not big on social media, why did you choose to reach out to him that way? Do you have his #?

Please don’t tell me this guy is your brother in law’s brother that you’ve been posting about for years? I’m sorry but I had to ask…. you mentioned he was drunk and I know the guy you always post about is an alcoholic.

I said I was sorry to ask, but I had to clarify!

Anyway in that case, I agree with the advice already given. If you guys know each other well enough to be drunk together, I don’t think social media is that important. Especially if he’s not on it much. So focus on your in-person connection.

Again, please stop. Calling me disingenuous when you don’t know me or the situation I was in is incredibly inconsiderate and rude. If you knew me at all you’d know I don’t have a disingenuous bone in my body. I asked for feedback on an ongoing situation that kept evolving with more deceptiveness. I created an additional post because I forgot my username, and because the very first post I made was met with this same criticism and degradation. Please stop making assumptions about a complete stranger and stating them as facts.

Why be so defensive if I’m wrong and I apologized for it multiple times?

Hi Molly27,

The way I see it, since he’s not big on social, straight up ask him for his number. If he agrees to then he’s okay with you contacting him. Then go from there and chat. Ask him how he is, get to know him, if he’s interested in dating, if he has a partner etc. Don’t go pretend you want to be friends. Be forward. If he’s not interested then that’s okay.

My son is horrible with social media and texting — he hates both. His girlfriend jokes that she had to hit him over the head (figuratively speaking) to get him to realize she was interested.

You can drop hints forever, or maybe see if he wants to meet up for coffee, just you and him. Then let him figure out a day/time, etc.

I you could please lay off Liz Lemon, she actually gives great advice and understands more than you may realize. If you are responding so harshly, maybe there’s some truth that is hitting you in some way.

Hi Molly,

I’m new on this site. It’s good that you added him on Snapchat and he’s receptive first of all.

Have you thought about open ended questions where it leads to a conversation starter? Like a light hearted question. Just because the first few conversations aren’t consistent, doesn’t mean there’s no improvement with the convos. Just need to talk to him about it.

I’ve never had a boyfriend I met on social media, but I’m on social media a lot for work and if I’m interested in a topic, I’d comment frequently and I’ve been doing that for years now and get lots of engagements. Or ask him Hey, it’s been a while since we last chatted in person. How have you been? Or something like that. I have a friend who is dating a guy through mutual interest and we always hang out together. People respond to messages in different ways and at different paces. If he doesn’t reply immediately, don’t take it as a sign of disinterest. Give him some time and space to respond. We all have busy lives nowadays.

If you have done all these things, the ball is in his court. See how he responds, that’s an indication of his level of interest. You need to read the signals, if he shows interest in your conversations, that’s a good sign. If he consistently gives short or non-committal responses, it might indicate he’s not as interested. Don’t be too pushy if he doesn’t. You’ve got your answer then…if all fails, it’s okay to move on.

All the best,

A