Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › How do you give him space but show him that you still care?
- This topic has 19 replies and was last updated 8 years, 7 months ago by
Shannon.
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Sadie
The guy I have been dating for 6 months was very recently let go from his job due to the work being slow. He says he’s ok since he has side jobs he can do but Im not sure I believe him. After he was let go he has all but stopped his communication with me. He’s distant, tells me he will call but never does, and doesn’t respond when I text him in the morning to let him know I am thinking of him when in the past he would always text me first. I don’t want to stress him out anymore so I haven’t been nagging him about him not making plans to see me and I don’t keep texting him throughout the day asking him where he is. Lately, I have been texting him once a day and then letting him take the lead with how the communication will go with the rest of the day.
How do I let my guy know that I haven’t abandoned him, I am here to support him but at the same time give him the space that he is obviously looking for? Normally, when a guy slows down on communication I stop trying to stay in touch and let the guy make the next moves if he is truly interested. However, since my guy is going through a roof patch, I don’t want to stop getting in touch with him and have him think I left him in his time of need.
Ashley
When men have trouble with their job, they’re not in “relationship mode” because they’re head is in that. Their way of making a living is top priority in their mind & when something like this happens things like texting could be a nuisance & distraction. He knows you care…now give him space & let him contact you first from now on. We as women make the mistake of treating men how we would want to be treated…but that’s not what they want. Men are different. You could text him every 2 days or so to say something like “thinking of you :)” but for the most part let him come to you & don’t take it personally.
Raven
You’re not abandoning him… But what is He doing for you?
Hannah
If he wanted you in his time of need, he would be in touch with you. Just trust that what he wants now is space. Let him have it!
Sarah
I have been dating my co-worker for 3 months now… we have never been out on a date we text each other everyday and night. We talked about going out lots of times but he always say he would tell me he would tell me when he’s available… I know his job is very demanding so I tried to be patient… should I give him some space?
Phillygirl
Sarah, I’m sorry, but you are not dating this guy. To be dating someone you have to actually go out on dates.
When guys only text, that’s very low interest. A man who is really interested makes time to see you and get to know you.
Guys do this because women allow it. You are someone to pass the time with when he is bored, and an ego boost for him.
No man is too busy all the time for a woman he really wants…ever. My ex owned his own business, has 2 young daughters and a house to take care of but always had time for me.
If you want to know if a man is really interested, just watch how much time they spend with you and how much effort they make.
If you all you get are excuses he is really uninterested.
Lane
Hi Sadie.
At this point I would walk away. I understand men have issues, we all do, but when a man tells you he’s OK, and then fades out, its his way of saying good bye without having to have ‘the talk’.
Men don’t abandon people they love, they abandon people they no longer want to see. If he was never your BF, at six months you wasted a lot of time going nowhere.
Jade
I believe that in times of trouble, such as a job loss, you show him you care by giving him space and also by being there for him when he needs you. Men do need that, esp when they aren’t feeling 100%.
BUT it also ALL depends on…. Has he COMPLETELY stopped responding to you? Or has he been distant? And how long has this all gone on?
E.
Just leave him alone. He will probably be in touch in a few days. If not, then you have a separate issue on your hands.
Jade
Very recently = ?
Jade
Makes all the difference
Em
Sadie
“How do I let my guy know that I haven’t abandoned him, I am here to support him but at the same time give him the space that he is obviously looking for?”
What a very nice thing to do.
Why hasn’t he given you the same assurance?
Some people withdraw to manage stress; he might be one of them. And it is unclear how long he has been this uncommunicative.
*But* if he cares about staying together, he would try to be reliable. Being reliable means keeping your promises. Being reliable means making an effort to correct broken promises. Being reliable means explaining when you will be temporarily unreliable so your partner is less likely to misconstrue your distance.
I would drop the ball entirely on this one…he knows how to get in touch.
Sadie
When I originally created this post, he had been laid off three days prior.
UPDATE: The day after this post, he came back with his communication and he was very affectionate and charming. He was telling me how much he missed me and that he cant wait to see me. On Sunday I went to his house and this was the first chance I got to see him since he was laid off. On the surface everything seemed fine but I kept getting vibes that something was off with him. Every time I would try to talk about what was going on in my life, he would either dismiss what I said or not even acknowledge my words. Instead he would just change the subject to be about himself, which I didn’t worry about since he was stressed out. So we spent the whole day discussing his life situation and I let him know I was there for him. As I was leaving he kept telling me he didn’t want me to go and that he wished I could stay with him. The next day he texted me pictures of his truck that he was working on and told me that he cant wait for me to see it. He also said that he was looking forward to having the summer off from work. After that he stopped responding to me in anyway. He still posts on Facebook so I know his phone is alright but at this point in time, I am pretty sure I was ghosted after six months of dating. What is everyone’s thoughts on his sudden disappearance and should I say something or walk away?
Jade
How long since you last heard from him?
Sadie
Monday Morning. I texted him twice yesterday just wishing him well but haven’t received a response and we always at least say good morning to each other.
Jade
Have you called him?
Sadie
Thanks for the quick response Jade! He’s hearing impaired so calling him isn’t an option. The only way we can talk is by texting, which is frustrating sometimes.
Jade
Well, going from your update, he was laid off a little over a week ago, which isn’t very long in the grand scheme of things. Every relationship is different and you are the only one who knows the ins and outs of yours so, what do you think you should do?
Jade
“He’s distant, tells me he will call but never does”
“He’s hearing impaired so calling him isn’t an option.”
That answers that question! In your original post, you made it seem like he wasn’t keeping his promises to you.
Shannon
Something different you can do, is screenshot him a picture of something funny that you think would make him smile and send it to him. The stress of having to “deal” with someone is gone, and he knows you were thinking of him and knew he’d find it funny.
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