How guys decide a girl is just an FWB or relationship/girlfriend material

How do you decide if th situation is reversed?

Everyone has their own standards regarding what type of person makes them want fwb rather than gf. So it will be different depending on he man.

It is very true that how a person thinks of themselves carries over to how others will see them. If I think that I am valuable (and I do) then I will only accept certain treatment.

Here is a way to look at it. I am the Queen of my own kingdom that I run on a day by day basis. Who I allow into my kingdom of family, friends and associates is up to me. I put value on those people. When a man enters my kingdom to entreat me to date him I measure him by my standards (which are high in several areas, such as respect, regard and etc.) after all, I am a Queen.

If he is out of line I quickly reject or banish him from my kingdom…I don’t want low value men close to me or those I care about. I do not quickly sleep with a man since that would lower my value and I have high respect for myself.

If I like what I see then I continue to date this man and get to know him…I want to know all about him, where does he come from? Who is his family? Who are his friends and what are they like and what kind of values do they hold? What are his interests and dreams? What are his goals? What does he want out of dating? I want to know all I can and he should be displaying the same mindset and getting to know me as well.

This takes months of what I call scoping…learning about the other. As I get to know him and he gets to know me this is where decisions are made. If he sees me as valuable as I see myself then he will move forward and declare feelings for me. He will want me to be his GF and continue our relationship forward. This is a turning point, if I see value in HIM (here is question for me) then I will agree to the relationship. If I have any doubts or questions then I refuse the honor and send him on his way.

I do not give my precious emotions to just any man who comes my way…I know some will not be worthy…I have to get to know them to see who is who. I will not give my heart to a man until he hands me his. And even then, my heart has many people in it so he gets the piece designed for him to have…no more or less.

Beyond all this, a man wants a woman to stay in his life if she has high value in his eyes and fits into that life. How she sees herself plays very big into all this…if a woman respects herself and the people around her, if she fills her life with truth and kindness and puts light into her kingdom then many men will see her as valuable.

If a woman easily sleeps with men, does not respect herself and treats herself as a doormat then men will not take her seriously nor want her as a GF. They want to be PROUD of a woman, they want to feel they have won a PRIZE that they had to work for. If you come too easy then you have low value. I do not play games, I have a busy life that a man has to fit into. Since I have a kingdom to run I don’t have time to text all day or go out every time he asks…sometimes I just cannot make it and I am sorry.

I hope this gives you more understanding as to what men see as value.

Jason brings up the point of simplicity, guys do not think about this stuff. We think about the basics this stuff is too complicated for us. Look there is a reason that guy and girl friendships are hard because when do you get to the point where you like the person so much you love then. Guys above all else listen to honesty, if you state your intentions as it more serious than FWB then usually they will decide then, leaving you minimal heartbreak. Girls number one thing is guys do not know how to read emotions, it is very difficult for us because you guys have a broad range of them. But don’t worry not all guys are huge dumbass jerks:/

Oh and James too, do you guys care about how much she makes?

How can you read someone’s emottions?

@Leslie: By looking them straight dead in their eyes, observing if they look you dead back, a back and forth, a simply quick look down to the ground motion, look above you, glance around the area back and forth, how often do they blink and how normal/genuine does it seem.

Body language is deep, hands are big: Are the hands in the pocket, are they crossing their arms, are they waving their arms, palms open or closed, fists, how quickly or slowly do the move their hands, is it in a violent type manner?

People tap their feet, maybe a pen, maybe they chew on it, or constantly chew gum, constantly sip caffeinated soda. Voice inflection is another one, also how concentrated they are when they speak. Sweat is a big sign of anxiety and fear and such. The human body gives off pheromones when individuals are in certain states be it having sex or giving a speech.

I am no expert and will end with ETC. I will say I have studied the human mind for a good 9 or 10 years, I have so much more to learn, I am not a doctor of psych yet, but that doesn’t mean I don’t know a few tricks here and there.

~ Jason

Thanks for answering, Jason.

I asked because some guys are intimidated by women with high-income, and some look for women with it. I guess different men look for different thing.

@Leslie: Obviously the number one thing is her looks, so assuming you meant past that it has to be intelligence. She doesn’t have to have a PhD, but if she speaks properly and aspires to learn more that is a huge turn on. All considering we established that she is attractive physically. But communication is the number one key man, men and women need to communicate no matter how difficult it may seem. I cannot stress it enough, people go to everyone but their partners to talk about their issues and it isn’t working.

Funny thing is that this is the time that communication is most important, hence why I place such importance on it.

Go to sleep brushing it off, well three months later when you spill something boom that subject is randomly brought back to life. Couples have to talk, and talk properly, listen, no yelling etc. I have never had this so it feels odd talking about it, but I believe it regardless of no experience.

Totally agree Jason. it comes back like a boom because it wasn’t actually resolved. Both people didn’t feel they had their thoughts listened to and they didn’t understand where the other one was coming from. When you can really communicate, you can understand and either get over it or not.

I am aware that there are various reasons why a man would desire a woman to be his “boo thang”, but if we are going to look at it from the point of “love” being one of the reasons, then I think his deep desire for her is based on something he sees in her or wants from her that he doesn’t easily find in other women. It doesn’t mean that if he doesn’t “have it” for you, that you are doing something wrong, but what it means is that he hasn’t discovered that thing about you that makes him “click” and usually he discovers it quite quickly and if it has been three/four months of y’all dating and spending time and he hasn’t established a need to take you off the market, then the relationship will probably not go past the FWB stage (a few exceptions).

FWBs’ are usually due to a lack of real connection, therefore, many men will be sexually drawn to tons of women, BUT it is highly unlikely he will develop a real connection for her.

Many women tend to make a connection a lot more frequently than men, and this is the element that causes her the frequent heartaches…because the woman can love over and over again, but men (few exceptions) usually don’t fall in-love so repetitively. It is VERY, VERY, VERY, difficult to penetrate a man’s heart.

You said: The thing is most men consciously close themselves out from potential feelings because they don’t want to get hurt, but women are less careful (and less selfish in this sense),

So, I think whatever the reason being, even if the reason is for the above comment, then they are purposely using that as a reason to close off their hearts, which in turn, makes it very difficult to penetrate their heart. But I did say there are few exceptions…not all men.

It’s just my opinion any way.