How long before a man misses you or senses that you might be gone for good?

You should assume never. But you never know.

thanks all….. guess its never easy to realize that someone was not who you thought they were even after several years and you realize how little you meant…

I think it depends how many times before you’ve split up with him and taken him back. After a while, he’ll most likely not take you seriously, think you’re crying wolf and that you’ll be back.

Leah, that’s so hurtful! I’m sorry.

I was with a guy and I knew it was time to end it (although I stupidly didn’t!) when we’d had a huge argument, I was really upset but we made up eventually. He said “I knew I’d talk you round”. He didn’t take me seriously. I cared for him so much more than he cared for me. He changed the goals of our relationship from being a committed couple to casual, he only contacted me when he could be bothered and, although we had an amazing time when we were together, I didn’t feel loved. I accepted the lot. Yes I’d argue and tell him what I wanted, but what I wanted never happened. He’d only make an effort when it looked like I might be walking.

It’s not pathetic, I think most of us have done it to some extent. Pick yourself up now and move on. If he doesn’t have respect for you or take you seriously, he’ll never make you happy. Find someone who will and your next 10 years will be a lot better.

From my experience misses 3 weeks & if it was something serious that happened where they think you may hate them it can take 7 months for them to reach out

Leah, what were your needs you mentioned in your reply to Ashley and when he said “you hadn’t changed”, what did he mean?

My aunt looked after her 4 children and worked while she put her husband through mature education (he didn’t work at all). He got his degree and left her. Never forget about yourself! Any man that wants or excepts you to isn’t worth it.

@Hannah: so prior to this, about 10 days before or so he said i call too much and nag about meeting up. so i stopped calling. he called after 2 days asking how i was and that i had letters. i thanked him and then i did not call again. he called after a week to take me to an appointment and said after this many years this is not how things should be (me withdrawing). so we went to the appointment ( i did say he doesn’t need to come and he insisted) and we talked a bit and i said what i had done was wrong (calling too much etc) and he admitted that he had done wrong too and we should be civil. for the first time he said well we will both end up dating etc and i said then why give up on us after so many years and struggle if we both never really did our best. he said we will talk about it later. so i called 1/day casual etc but on the 5th day thats when this last NC started because i asked him to meet up and he was like blank NO, you are still calling constantly, behave your age, you have no pride, your timing is always off. If this is friendship etc then i dont want it. And all i could think was i do have pride, more than you will ever know, i just never wanted to put you down like you do. so i just stopped calling.hence why last time he called he said i thought you would call me regarding your letters because i usually use any excuse to see him but not this time. and i am a person with no patience whatsoever so if we argued i really wanted to fix it then.

I don’t like to think in terms of ‘keeping score’ but the contact and initiating has to be even or with him doing more of it; men don’t seem to get we just like to communicate. Sometimes they take it as a weakness, they get lazy and everything gets set off course.

You have to hang back and let a man lead. At some level, this is a test, and this test generally doesn’t always lead to a big smile, lol. If a guy is lazy, waits on you, doesn’t chase, to me there is no other way to take it – he’s just not interested enough. And if you settle for that, it never gets better or changes for the better.

After 10 years it is very hard to give up and let go, especially if you have no patience, as you say. But after what he said to you, for the sake of the person’s inside you, do NOT contact him, and if he contacts you, ignore him. Do not reply until he contacts you repeatedly, and reply with a delay.

This person has a harsh heart, he does not appreciate nice things that come to his way. After 10 years he could have accepted that you would reach out every now and then, it is not a terrible burden, he did not have to be so rude and heartless. But he wanted to tell you all that, and the choice of words he used, from your description, they signal DISRESPECT, they really do. He does not value you as a woman or as a person or as a friend, he has some pity for you, but that’s all.

You must leave him alone. I hope you would.

Sometimes they never, often times A LONG TIME…

@Jules: Hi Jules. Actually i don’t blame him only….i get accused of taking to much blame and i am the first to admit my mistakes. not that i am proud of it but i will take my share. but yes i did stay because i loved him, he did not force me but you are right, by not respecting myself, he lost respect as well

I agree with Jessica. Just live your life and meet other guys forget about this guy. I’m in thesaurus boat and I’m slowly getting over it and meeting other guys…