Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › How long should I make him wait?…is that even relevent anymore?
- This topic has 16 replies and was last updated 6 years, 4 months ago by
Paola.
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Paola
I’m 36 and I just started talking to someone. We went on our first date a few nights ago and things got pretty heavy in the car. Mostly kissing and light touching. I haven’t dated in while because I got out of a 2 yr relationship a few months ago. Now my question is, how long do I wait to sleep with him? Does that even matter anymore?
Amy S
He needs to prove he is a trustworthy guy and that hes not just after the one thing. A few more planned and enjoyable dates and some consistent communication in between at least imo.
anon
Do you want to make sure he is committed to you first? Then you wait until he commits to an exclusive relationship.
Are you OK if he ghosts after sex and you never hear from him again? Then go for it.
“It” matters for your own mental health and some women are OK with something never going beyond casual and some get very upset if they get dumped post sex.
Also, holding out on sex weeds out the horny from the sincere with men. Few men just after sex will pay for multiple dates with no happy ending.
Paola
Thank you for the replies guys. I’m the type of person that likes to “test drive the car before I buy it” so being in a relationship before I have sex with him is not going to work for me. lol What if the sex is bad and I wasted all this time. I do believe in making them wait though to see how it plays out between us. Get to know him and what not. I don’t like to sleep with some right away. I’ve also heard that guys wait either way just to get it and leave no matter what you do. idk lol
Laura
Then I’d say keep dating and decide which one to advance things with over many options so you can have a better idea of what you do want from a man…don’t focus on what they want…we KNOW what they want ;)
Better off single
Honestly I don’t think it matters if the guy is into you it will be obvious. He will be attentive and want to know you personally. Like take you on dates and stuff. He won’t play games with you over texting and make excuses. If he does, at least you got laid.
Sandy
If you can be casual now then go for it.
Vinny
Rather than do it by the numbers I think it best to go by how you feel and what you think of the guy or girl. I have had lots of sex on he first date and even when no dating is involved. I also have waited if the woman was not ready. I do not think there is one size fits all. If you think the guy is only looking for a one night stand and you want a relationship, then wait him out to see how serious he is about you. On the other hand, hot dirty sex with an attractive new partner can be a lot of fun too if that is all you need that day.
Ok
I bet you want to test drive. Ur can you stand the test of not falling for a guy just because you got intimate?
Ok
But can you.. most women can’t,
anon
I had sex with both my last boyfriends on the first date. One the evening on which I met him. The other before we went on our first date. I was with both of them for 18 months and it were happy healthy serious relationships. Then i had sex with another man, on the 3rd date, and he was an absolute idiot. He pushed for sex fast. And when I gave in, he blamed me for sleeping with him too fast. What a moron. I got rid of him because of his ridiculous double standards and hypocricy
I don’t think when you have sex really matters. If you have sex with a man that really likes you, he’ll still like you. If you want to wait, he’ll be fine with it as well. If a man is just after sex, he’s not going to start liking you. And many, even most of them, are more than prepared to date a women for months in order to get to sex and then leave.
redcurleysue
The real question is what is going on outside of sex. Sex is a very intimate act…will you be attached afterward to a man who may not want more?
Test driving a car and sex are two different things. One is a car…an inanimate object…one is a human…with feelings, as you have feelings as well.
If you have sex and the man leaves will you be upset with that? Just be honest with these questions and answers.
Paola
I have had sex with men that I feel nothing for. I have no problem with not getting attached. That is not my question. This is a potential person that I would like to have something with. More than sex. Sex is very important to me which is why I put “test drive the car before purchasing” if the sex isn’t good then that is a huge deal breaker for me. Unfortunately, that is the way I see it. I just more less wanted to know if waiting was even a big deal nowadays. Men like a chase, I’ve always heard that. So I wanted a male perspective on this.
Kathy
Paola, Unfortunately every man is different about sex. The thing is, YOU are the one who should discern what a man is looking for. You can ask and sometimes you will get a truthful answer, but players will lie. Try to figure who you are dealing with first. And that could take a few dates(or even more).
Kathy
If it’s a guy you really like, I don’t think it hurts to wait a little till you have a good feeling about what he is about and what he wants. If he likes you back equally, he’ll wait a tad for sex.
No, not all guys want to chase. But they do all want sex..
Lane
I understand what you want but none of us have a crystal ball and unable to give you a specifi answer. It really come down to how much he likes you and what he’s dating for and that’s something your going to have too either suss out through converston and/or your interactions with each other.
Bottom line is…If he hasn’t emotionally bonded to you yet no amount of sex is going to get him there as they look for certain attributes within a woman such as the physical (a must), personality, energy, etc. and if you exhibit them then he’ll want to keep seeing and being with you, if not, they won’t—they really are that simple!
Paola
Thanks again everyone that has responded. It’s greatly appreciated. I’m taking it all in.
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