Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › How often and when to reach out.
- This topic has 8 replies and was last updated 4 years, 3 months ago by
Lane.
-
AuthorPosts
-
HSB
Hello.
I’ve been talking with this guy online nonstop for a short period (2 weeks), and we had an insane connection, so we decided to meet right away and see if that chemistry was there in person.
It was, and he continued to text me after our first date and wanted to plan another.
I didn’t hear from him over the weekend, so I waited it out and then sent him a friendly message hoping that he enjoyed his weekend.
His response was unfortunate; he lost his half-sister and said that things were insane and that’ it will take some time for him to figure it out. I told him I was sorry for his loss and that I was there if he needed someone to talk to but that I’d give him space.
He replied the next day saying he didn’t mean it as in he doesn’t wish to see me again, that he thinks I’m really great, but it’s just a lot of fire to put out and that maybe after the current lockdown in the province we are in we can pick up where we left off.
I replied, saying I’d like that, but he never answered my text. I waited two days and send him a text saying I hope he’s doing okay to which I still did not get any response.
It’s been two days since, and I don’t want to keep smothering him with texts either, so I’m not sure how often to keep reaching out and if I should be reaching out at all at this point.
A part of me wants to tell him that I’m thinking of him and will stop burdening him with those texts until he feels like texting and that I’m still there should he need someone, and a part of me says to leave it alone.
I’m not desperate to jump into anything, but I feel that a real connection with someone is so hard to find, and I’m scared that the timing of this is all wrong so I feel somewhat paralyzed.
I’m still living my life, but again, I don’t want to risk missing out on something genuine.Newbie
This was just one date and although you may have felt insane chemistry he maybe was only looking for a one night stand. Or a one date thrill. You simply dont know. So you dont reach out. Al all. But you did already twice. So youre already overinvesting in a guy you dont know nothing about including the sudden death of a half sister. I must have a cynical day but i think thats baloney. And if not, a sudden death of a young woman would sure make the press or mentioned on Twitter. So easy to check that. Although he said half sister so she may have another name.
But cynism aside you are clearly not listening to this guy. He told you he maybe will reach out after the lock down. Meaning; he has no true intentions of following up with another date. Lose his number but stop reaching out firstZoe
YOU DONT REACH OUT
Franny
I agree with Newbie—I’m not sure he was telling you the truth. Do not reach out to him at all, not even innocuously.
Women often feel there is an “insane” connection and there really wasn’t a strong connection from the guy’s perspective. Years ago I had a guy tell me his cancer returned and he had to focus on his health and because we had mutual friends, I found out he lied about having cancer because he was dating someone else who lived closer. He actually lied about HAVING CANCER. Guys will do anything to not hurt a woman’s feelings. Including LYING ABOUT HAVING CANCER.
Let this one go. The right one won’t play games with you.
Anon
Did you happen to have sex with him on the first date?
Carla
Hi – look you did what a decent person would do. I do not think there is a plausible reason to suspect he is lying. Lying or not – it is the same for you: DO NOTHING. You did the kind thing by saying hope he is doing well, at this stage, this is more than enough. I think.
Go on and live your life, he will either be back or not – it isn’t under your control now, you done your part. Do not ruin it now by chasing him even if you mean well.
He will definitely run for the hills though if you fire up his phone now. So that is definitely a bad idea, whether he is telling the truth about the sister or not.Also can I just say: many young people die for many reasons, won’t necessarily make it to the news unless it is something extraordinary circumstance. A friend of mine (age 28) died a few years ago, that was nowhere on the news, why would it be? Wasn’t crime-related, wasn’t some weird story, just a sad tragic event.
Marsha
I’m sorry to say but I think this guy is BSing you. He’s making lame excuses in order to let you down easy. Not replying to your messages is a massive sign he’s not interested in going further with this. Maybe this dude is even married or otherwise committed.
I had a guy do this once. He said his brother died in a certain city. Well I had done some research online prior to our 4 dates. The name he gave as his brother was nowhere in the city online obituaries on the date he said he died. Furthermore, all my research online pointed to the fact he didn’t have a brother by that name. He has 2 brothers and his mom’s online obituary said his brothers’ names are Bill and Gary, not Thomas- like he claimed. Also later on about 2 wks later he started reminiscing about his ” friend” who died. WTF?
I may jaded due to this experience but my gut tells me this guy in your case is full of hot air!
Raven
If this is ‘something genuine.’
It will happen without prodding…Lane
Oh my. Women royally mess up when they feel a “connection” with men!
Sorry but men don’t feel it that way! Within a few nanoseconds they KNOW if they want to date you or SLEEP with you! 10-1 it will be to get you in BED so you need to stop the way you think!
Second, the guy just lost a family member. If you think after one date he’ll be wallowing in you arms then you made another major mistake with men! Men don’t deal with this stuff like woman do, they are the opposite where they don’t want “to talk” but go to their mancave and be alone. If your a wife its different but someone you went on a date with NADA.
Bottom line, stop reaching out. He KNOWS you exist and is intentionally avoiding you. Never be “Ms. Clingy” ALWAYS be Ms. I won’t reach out until you do 50+ times—only then do you reach out! Trust me, it works!
-
AuthorPosts
