How often do exes come back?

I’ve had alot of exes come back but only one that I really wanted back and never could seem to move on from. I certainly wasn’t over him when he came back and he wasn’t over me. And now he’s my fiance!! I would say 90% of the married couples I know broke up at some point during their relationship and got back together. It happened to almost everyone in my family and most of my friends. But you do need some time to reflect and look at the relationship and whether or not it’s right for you. Sometimes there are reasons you breakup that are just deal breakers. Things like different religions, wanting/not wanting kids, one wanting to travel like a gypsy, the other wanting to settle down. There are all kinds of reasons why some relationships just can’t work.

As a matter of fact, if you read the ghosting thread you’ll see my comment that one of my ghosts reappeared when I started dating my fiance! But that time and perspective made me realize I didn’t want him back and he wasn’t the right fit for me.

Oh and I never begged or apologized profusely to get them back. I kept my dignity and I certainly never got blocked by an ex. I think that makes a big difference in whether they come back around.

Yes I meant that the begging and pleading and apologizing has the opposite effect that you expect and just pushes them further away. Think about when you’ve wanted to break up with someone and you’ be made up your mind and you know how hard it is to actually say the words and break up and hurt someone’s feelings. Now is there really anything that guy could say to get you back? And the more he would beg and plead and the more desperate he is the less you want to talk to him or deal with that drama. Guys even more so hate drama and hurting a girl ( provided they’re not a narcissist or psychopath). They want to stay as far from drama and having to hear how much they’ve hurt you as possible.

My past experience right through from dating at 15 to dating 20 years on from that is that probably 90% of my exes came back, where I ended it or they ended it. Almost always when I had moved on and was over it.

The only times they seem to not come back is if they met the right woman and are happily settled with her or if they did something so awful they are ashamed to show their face!

when they do come back though, often it is just a text or a call saying they were reminiscing. I am not sure this is “coming back”, but maybe trying to get you into bed again or get your attention back.

In terms of exes who ended things with me and then came back genuinely asking for a second chance, then I have had only a few of those and none of them worked out in the end.

I think mostly it is human nature to be nostalgic and they maybe get lonely or something.

My ex ended it with me 3 months ago and I’m REALLY hoping to get him back. I was previously in a relationship with someone who assaulted, cheated on and lied to me. As a result I lost all my trust in men. I started seeing my now ex and initially it was great, but then because I had a jealous, manipulative friend at the time she planted a seed of doubt about him in my head (she had no evidence whatsoever)and turned me against him and I stopped trusting him and started accusing him..so he ended it. I have been having therapy now for 3 months to get over my past demons. Although he doesn’t text me he always responds to my texts within 2 minutes. We have had conversations where he has said I was a good girlfriend but after the last few weeks of accusing he couldn’t take anymore. He says he still cares, that there is no one else and never was…Has anyone been in a similar situation? I really don’t know what to do. I REALLY hurt him with the verbal abuse and accusations but he has never blocked me or ignored my texts.

oh – i should mention that yes, they come back just when you’ve gotten over them and have maybe found someone of potential.

my best friend didn’t hear from him in 5 months. he sent a lengthy text of saying, can we talk and i miss you – i’d really still love to have you in my life, etc. etc. at this point, my friend was talking to a guy who did seem to be quite serious. that helped in helping her be more emotionally centered to meeting him as just solely friends.

they met up and she said they were very casual with each other. he admitted that in those 5 months he did date a girl for about 2ish months but it didn’t work out, and they were chatting about their own dating lives. had she not taken those 5 months of NC for herself, she would’ve never gotten to the place of seeing her ex, having a drink with him and chatting about her dating life. so for all those who want your ex back – YES – this is all we see at the moment. but truthfully, you just need time and space, and get yourself to a place where you are centered and can make the most RATIONAL decisions, and handle situations like seeing your ex, or talking to your ex extremely well. you can only do that with time/space.

I’m posting this hoping to shed some light on those who have recently been broken up with and are going through the pain I went through. My boyfriend of 2 and a half years broke up with me out of nowhere some weeks back. He told me he didn’t know if he loved me anymore, said he wasn’t happy, and pushed me away as hard as he could in case his doubts were true in order to not hurt me. I was absolutely broken. We had recently moved in together and in my eyes we were as happy as could be. Everyone we knew always referred to us as the life of the party and all of my friends told me they hoped to find a relationship like mine. I was completely blind sighted and admittedly did a lot of begging and crying and apologizing. He stood firm and I really thought I would never get him back, but I was confident in the love we shared and the nature of our relationship. I knew a love like ours wasn’t easy to walk away from, especially considering all of the plans we had together. I relied heavily on my sister, who advised me that though our love was strong he needed to heal and think and be by himself for a while and it would probably take months. I knew in my heart it wouldn’t be longer than one month, but I still prayed and cried and felt absolutely destroyed. 2 weeks later he left me a note asking me to stay. I can’t find the words to describe what I felt at the moment. The first time we saw each other after the break was magical. We held each other tight and he unloaded on me. He felt unsure and needed to be by himself to realize what he truly wanted was me, and that I did make him happy. Our breakup ended up being a simple break.

I recently had a break-up, I though he was the one, but his 29 year old daughter who lives with him and has a baby made sure woman in her Dad’s life left. He and I are both widower and widowed. Its been 4 years since his wife passed suddenly and 4 years since my husband passed. We dated for almost 2 years and a long distance relationship, but we would see each other every 2 weeks. We were so perfect for each other enjoy and did the same stuff and he moved in with me with the daughter and baby. The problem is that we were never alone. The daughter and baby went everywhere with us. I love kids and was very generous to his daughter and son since their mother was not there to give them emotional support. To make a long story short, it didn’t work out with her living with us in my house. I would not put up with disrespect for my home or the way she talked to her father so I exploded on her. Well I put the nail in my own coffin. He bought a house and moved out and then broke up with me. This man stole my heart I loved him with everything I had and I’m a 60 year old woman. Well didn’t hear from him since Aug and he posted picture with a new girlfriend on FB. Now he is coming around my house again and stiring up those feelings I just go rid of. I know he loves me, but he needs to unload the daughter and baby and let them get on with their life. She will not let another woman come into his life. Its all about whatever money he has. I’m self sufficient emotionally and financially. I love him but he needs to grow a set of balls. She picks his clothes out, cuts his hair, and totally controls him. So yes now he’s coming around again but I don’t know if I want to get involved again. Any suggestions.

Even the ones I cried and cried over. Wish them well and lock the door behind you.

It depends on what you mean by “come back”. If you mean for them to contact you and ask you how you’ve been then most likely 100% would do that. It is only natural. We are all curious about people we’ve been involved with. I had to end a friendship with a woman last year, and we are not connected on social media (imagine that!), and I would really like to know if she is ok, as she was having some time sensitive issues, like trying to get pregnant and getting a job. So if I contact her to find out this would not be because I want to reinitiate our friendship (but I am not going to contact her, she was asking me several time not to end our friendship and I don’t feel like giving her false hopes).

But if by “come back” you mean an ex contacting you and then shortly after asking you to take them back as a BF or as a relationship or try again, then THIS type of a come back, I bet, does not happen very often.

What does happen often is that exes (men) contact you and then try to use you. LOL as a FWB. For sex and emotional ego boosting, especially if they think you still love them. While they are looking for someone “better”. Very nice aint it? So this is the most common “come back” that does happen a lot. And this is the situation that so many of us here WARN young women against. Do not let them “use” you. It is easier for them to yo-yo in and out of your life if they are the ones who initiated the breakup, it is much easier for them also because they are shopping around, so they are not emotionally invested or committed to you. You, on the other hand, will be emotionally involved and committed, and then when your ex breaks up with you AGAIN, you’d have to go over the pain of a breakup AGAIN and often with a double force (in case he leaves you for someone new).

So what do you ladies mean by “come back” if you say it is 100%? LOL

I think this ‘popping back in’ not wanting you back is more prevalent now than it was in the day prior to cell phones, internet and social media. In most of those cases before technology entered our lives, if they came back they did it in person asking for another chance, not just to ‘chat’ so unless that happened it was OVER for good and you just went on with your life.

I never friended or interacted with men I only dated or even in a relationship with online like so many do today so all I have to do is ignore a text if I have no desire to maintain any form of contact with them. The only man I’ve connected with online socially is my current BF and if we ever broke up I would ‘block him’ simply because I take the ‘out of sight, out of mind’ approach and by removing all forms of connection or contact I’m able to get over a breakup quicker. Maybe when I reach the point of indifference (rarely ever think of them) I MIGHT unblock them but by then I wouldn’t remember I blocked them lol.