how often do guys come back after disappearing

So when man pulls away and go in his rubber band period….what to do?
Occasionally contact him with msg and/or call just to see how he is doing or send something funny or just do nothing and wait for him to contact you?

I wish I had found this forum sooner cause I messed up and did everything wrong. But what if it wasn’t someone you were dating? Just a friend/ former co-worker that you were talking to and he just faded and when I asked he said he’s too busy. Do I also just let him go?

Thanks Vanessa. It’s been like 7 weeks since I heard from him and I was thinking of wishing him a merry Christmas but I think I shouldn’t :(

yup, just don;’t do it. walk away with your dignity and ego still intact. i personally think, that men think about the women who they have ghosted, faded, disappeared on from time to time – i refuse to believe that it does not cross their minds. if we are thinking about it, then they must be to some extent. however, i like to believe that if you stopped all contact (because he did) without sending ANY text (because he didn’t respond to your last one), did not make a single call (because he didn’t bother to call you), then they honestly DON’T get the last laugh. now, the man will get the last laugh when he ghosts on you and then the woman sends one of those “i need you, come back into my life texts” …..see how much that puts him into power position? of course he’ll text you back when he wants to…and i’m sure he will. but then opt to fade again because he knows he has you in the palm of his hand, making you squirm while you wait for his text. TRUST ME, guys ghost on many girls and there were def a slew of girls he’s done it to before you. so, don’t let him have that leverage. it’s important! leave with your dignity, and just know that there was nothing to be solved since NO ONE initiated contact (he didn’t try so YOU didn’t try). simple as that. it makes perfect sense and GUYS ALWAYS know that it’s their turn to initiate when it comes to these radio silence situations. it’s only a matter of, if they want to or not.

Marie- try your best to move on. I know, I’d be devastated too…because that is no way to act. ..after spending 3 months of your life with this person only to have him leaving you in the dust. But actions speak louder than words …would you really wanna be with a man who couldn’t even talk to you and just disappeared into thin air?? I’m sorry, but no normal human being does that. I know it’s hard to understand but stick to no contact and if he does get back to you (I’m sure he will, they always do). But don’t waste another minute of your mental energy on this. .you always look out for yourself and if this doesn’t benefit you, let it stay that way, don’t try anymore than you did. You’ve put enough out there and if it isn’t reciprocated then you know what that means as harsh as that sounds. Don’t beat yourself up about it bc you were willing to make it work, it’s soemthung with him…he has the issues

Anyway, i believe the most important thing is that we don’t blame ourselves.If someone doesn’t want you in their life or in my case,doesn’t want your friendship then we can’t beat ourselves up over it.I think the problem is that sometimes we can be so hard on ourselves.Even if we made a mistake,it’s not the end of the world and we shouldn’t let such matters hit our self esteem.

It’s hard because the voices inside our head tell is that we were unwanted and unimportant.It’s a tough pill to swallow but we really can’t do anything about it because you can’t force someone to want you in their life.It sucks that the other person often makes you feel like they value you when all they want is to get in your pants,but hey,that’s life.

I think a lot of men are not emotionally mature enough to understand that when you talk to someone for hours on a daily basis, a connection is established and automatically feelings begin to develop regardless of their nature.As human beings we should be responsible towards the other party and not dismiss their feelings as nonexistent just because thats the case with ours,but what can i say?

Last but not least, if a guy disrespects you and is rude to you, then it’s on him completely.This is what i think.You might be nagging a little or emotional but this is a totally different story from being rude,disrespectful and condescending.Unfortunately,such people don’t realize how hurtful it is to be rude to soemone and they never will until it happens to them.But hey, you may teach a person to appreciate fine art, to elevate their fitness levels,but at a certain point in time,you can’t teach them manners

Yes, no contact is the best way to go. You’ll sleep better at night. As lekisha said I let go of anyone who wants to go. And yes whenever I have doubts about a guy everything can’t be taken seriosuly. ..it should only be his own free will intimating the contact…not because I forced him to, or I heckled him to. That’s just not me and I’m super stubborn as well. I’d like to walk away with some dignity

What if you told him you didn’t want a commitment because he said the same but at the same time explained to him that you were still open to the idea if someone came along and changed that?

What if you were still keen on keeping him as a friend but he gave you hell?

Hi Josie!

I told him i don’t want a commitment because i didn’t want him to think i was trying to pin him down and because he said that.Then when he started withdrawing i sort of felt threatened so i tried to show him how i feel indirectly by telling him how great he is and how much i like him.This was when he told me he needs space.When he was rude to me i panicked a little because all my past experiences with men have been them chasing me for sex and then leaving me when i don’t give it to them,so i thought he is doing the same thing and using his space ans problems as an excuse.This prompted me to remove him from facebook as he was very rude to me not once,but twice.The second time i even felt so guilty for telling him that he doesnt appreciate me (even if its true)and he gave me the dirtiest look ever and was so rude and mean to me even when i tried to remedy the situation and be caring.I even sent him a message apologizing for what i did and told him i wont bother him but that i do love,care and respect him. Anyway i was true to my word and haven’t bothered him,its been 3 months and he hasnt even tried to contact me nor did he even respond to the message where i told him how mu h i care and that im sorry.I dont mean to be insensitive but he treated me much worse than i treated him so he shouldnt make me feel so awful just because i said something in amoment of impulse.As for the deletion,well when someone treats me with blatant rudeness and coldness what am i supposed to think?

Im beginning to think he might be bi-polar actually and its confusing me even more

Thank you Maria!

I just keep beating myself up for telling him how unappreciated i felt and for the facebook deletion while he was having problems,but i did apologize and its not like he divulged any of his problems so any girl would think he is ghosting. Surely if he is over 40 as yoi said he should realize that ny reaction was due to his actions and that yes i will keep him deleted and not initiate contact unless it comes from him

LOL

Josie is definitely with you on this! This is not the dude for you Elle! Being rude (2x)! Totally unacceptable. When/if he shows up again tell him to keep walking.

I was hung up on a guy like this once, chances are good he will never change & it won’t end well. Cut him off completely, you did nothing wrong. I know its hard but it will get easier and trust me there will be more and better guys

the way i see it is: if a guy wants to back off, or walk – you let him. if he’s not happy, or fulfilled for some reason, you just let it go. i think it’s worse to keep coming back to someone who clearly is lost somewhere else, whose mind or body is elsewhere. and if he can’t give you his attention, then he isn’t worth it to be running back to. it is much better to be alone than with miserable company. just because you’re alone, does not mean you are lonely. and you don’t need a man to cure loneliness. fulfill yourself, and it has nothing to do with you, everything to do with him. he wants to go back to his ex? let him. you’re not his sad puppy dog that runs back to him whenever he wants. don’t let him do that to you. be done with him, and start new. you deserve better for yourself than to be with a man who doesn’t want to be with you. you want someone who fits into your life most importantly. and if he isn’t cutting it, be DONE and find someone who meets your needs. it can take some time, but who said life was easy, right?