Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › How should I behave when I next see him>? Can I redeem dignity
- This topic has 5 replies and was last updated 2 years, 2 months ago by
AngieBaby.
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Lil
So , I met a guy in my local pub , 15 years younger than me .,.im 51 he is 35. i know i know .. I should have behaved with more dignity and sense but I lost it !
We know the same people in the pub , not best freinds just the locals etc .. I slept with him a couple of times then he became extreemly flakey and kept arranging dates saying how excited he was about it then at the last min when Im all dressed up he would ghost me .just refuse to answer my calls or texts . so on the third and final time it happened I was really annnoyed because he had said he was booking a hotel for us to go away the next day together . I had to arrange alot of stuff to be able to go so I checked in the morning if he was really going to , and he said yes . Then as usual by the afternoon he was ghosting me . I was soooo angry I got drunk and sent a million angry texts .. .. and he just ignored all of them even though he was online .. I tried to call him twice too.. but he ignored me ….So then I sent the painful text .. , his mother died when he was a kid and it is something he finds painful to speak about .. .and I said “your mother would be very proud of the way you treat women .,not” ……. i tried to delete it .. but it was too late he had already read it.. . .. The next day I finally recieved a text from him .. it said
“dont be telling me about my mum , you C–t! ” yep .. that word ! . I didn’t respond , i felt too insulted and disrespected . its been over a week and I feel that I should maybe do the grown up thing and apologise for being angry .? but will this make me look desperate . I want to hang out in the pub but im too embarrassed and nervous to go in there . I dont know how to act towards him ? . im embarrassed of how I appeare cos hes looking like the stud who shagged an older woman … How do I redeem myself without looking desperate or needy … or slutty … I find it horrible that if i go there everyone will think im going there to look for him or something .. Should I try and make up with him , or will that look desperate .. ? should i ignore him ? Will that make me look like im angry and bitter old woman ? … i hate this situation . Please helpEwa
don’t contact him again, he doesn’t need your apology.
next time you see him, pretend he is not there. and if he does speak to you, be polite, like nothing has ever happenedRaven
The first time some guy ghosts or stands you up, should be the last… These are not ‘do-overs.’ But yet you allowed him to do this to you Three Times!
Drinking & texting is a bad combination.
While what you said to him was pretty awful. Don’t text him again. Give it a week or so, then resume your activities… I really doubt that anyone will be looking at you sideways.Maddie
I agree, there’s no need to speak to him every again. You shouldn’t have said what you said, but at this point it doesn’t really matter because the situation is finished. Use that as an experience to learn why you lashed out instead of walking away earlier, so that you make different decisions in future dating situations (ie not hanging around long enough if you’re getting disrespected to speak out in anger and say things you regret to someone not worth more of your time).
In the meantime, you sound like you care a lot about what people think? You’re embarrassed that you tried things out with a younger man, you’re worried about coming across to others as needy or bitter, it sounds like you are not comfortable with yourself and choosing to see yourself as negatively as possible through the eyes of others! No one is scrutinizing you like this. Be kind to yourself. You can’t lose your dignity if you assign your own worth.
“hes looking like the stud who shagged an older woman” — change the story you’re telling yourself here. Anyone 35 (grown adult) who flakes multiple times on a woman like that is not a happy man on the inside. Hurt people are disrespectful of others. Nothing that happened here makes him sound like a stud. So don’t worry about it, and give it a bit of time then go back to the bar if you’re a regular there and ignore him. Things don’t work out romantically between people all the time, the key is treating yourself and others with respect, and feeling good enough with yourself to not let it totally overwhelm you when you liked someone but it didn’t work out. And no more drinking and texting!
mama
Remove him from your sights, pretend he’s not present when you’re at the pub, don’t communicate with him again. If he does approach you, apologize for bringing his mother into the conversation and let him know you wish him no harm and move on.
Carry yourself with grace and dignity.
AngieBaby
Standing ovation for what mama said! And also… raise your standards, bigly. Someone ghosts you, you’re done. And you never drink over someone treating you badly and you certainly don’t TWI (text while intoxicated).It’s OK. Now you learned. No biggie if you want to have sex with someone a lot younger than you, but you can’t expect much more than sex from them. If you want to be taken on proper dates, stick to age appropriate gentlemen.
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