How to ask him what he's looking for after the 5th date

I think you need to ask. Having a relationship is all about communication. You don’t want to be three months in and realize you want different things.

When you bring it up you may want to bring it up independent of him. That way he doesn’t think you’re trying to make this a relationship right now.

You could say something like, “I have really had fun getting to know you, and before things go much further I wanted to find out if we want the same thing. What are you looking for at this point?”

Sounds easy enough. I suppose I’m just worried that it will ruin were we at now. But if he doesn’t react well to my questioning then I suppose he’s not a good match for me.

I agree that you need to have this conversation but do not put him on the spot. Even if he says something vague it can be from feeling awkward. Some people just can’t be vulnerable. They have a very hard time opening up. I would give him time to think about things before telling him you want to end things. Men do say things they don’t mean. All the time, very often. Many can’t bring themselves up to saying things like I want to be with you blah blah. But give them time to dwell on things, think about things and they come around. Structure your conversation in such a way so that you can continue next time. Do let him understand that it is important to you and that you are not going to stick around unless he is interested in something serious, but do not say it like that the first time you talk about it.

Ladies, it’s time to stop worrying… and being afraid of losing a guy. Seriously!

I have the conversation Ashley outlined on the first date (at least I do since I’ve wanted a relationship). Before I had my son I never asked, because I didn’t really care.

If a guy wanted to hang out with me and that’s all it was, I could care less before I became a Mom. I didn’t want marriage during that phase of my life, and I knew there would always be someone else if things didn’t work out.

In other words, I didn’t invest (and still don’t) in any guy who wasn’t already investing in me.

Not saying I was never disappointed if things didn’t work out, but I didn’t NEED a guy to stay, if you get my drift. I’ve always been VERY independent, and being financially independent admittedly takes a good deal of strain from feeling like I ever needed a man.

But when we are confident and happy in our own skin and with our own life, we have a power we don’t otherwise. The power of CHOICE.

It’s practically a super power nowadays, it seems. I say that because the majority of women I listen to are always worried about a guy choosing them. When did we give up all our power to CHOOSE?

I will tell you, I haven’t, and that dear ones, is very empowering.

We HAVE to be okay (and we will be, trust me) if a guy walks. It takes a lot of time (and weeding through a lot of wrong guys) to find someone who is the right match. Don’t give up your power,abd don’t give up your heart to someone who is going to waste it.

Hannah, I wasn’t saying that she should ask that question “with me” because I agree it takes time to know if you want it together. But if he isn’t looking for a relationship at all, yeah, I want to know. Actually before three months. Like Philly, I ask on the first date. He doesn’t have to say marriage or a wife then, but I’m looking for him to say something about progressing, relationship, etc. Hanging out, fun, casual, or someone who isn’t sure is my cue to move on. Because I’m a very all in person. If I’m spending time with you I’m focused on you. I don’t want to go on for three months, find out he never wanted ehat I want and feel over-invested. Also like Philly, I have kids to consider.

Three weeks and 5 dates?

No…wayyy too soon
YOU don’t really know this guy yet, even if you’ve had sex..

Leave your options open..date others..then you won’t feel like you’re wasting your time. He may be dating others himself.

you’ll know in a month whether he wants a serious relationship. He will make it clear.